The Sunday News
Nhlalwenhle Ncube
IS age just a number or it plays a vital role in the longevity of a relationship?
After last week’s article ‘‘Side piece agreement’’ some people took it upon themselves to go deeper and they explained that at times there are circumstances which force them to marry those they do not love the most thereby keeping the ‘‘real’’ ones as side pieces.
Yes, and the reason will be the age difference? This means falling in love with someone who is not in the same peer group as yours. It seems society has set a bar that a man should always be older than his wife and the age difference should not exceed eight years. This has at some point left someone heartbroken as she/he failed to get married to his ‘‘best person’’.
In trying to please relatives and family, someone dropped her original soul mate and got a replacement whom they have failed to get emotionally attached to. Fortunately, some managed to sail through in their ‘‘dead’’ relationships turning to side pieces, but for some it has always been heartbreak after heartbreak with the so-called peers.
With such things happening, it then becomes clear that age is not a guarantee in any relationship. The heart wants what it wants, and at some point in your life, you might find yourself with a partner who is significantly older or younger than you. Don’t listen to what anyone says about the age difference between you and your partner. Of course the usual name-calling in such kinds or relationships is disheartening, as no one wants her or his lover to be referred to as gogo, Ben 10 or khulu.
Nothing is guaranteed obviously and a relationship is more about compatibility than a birthday! Truth be told, the problems that arise when in a relationship with someone said to be ‘‘right’’ for you can also be the same with those you will meet when in love with someone older or younger than you.
You could just as easily be dating someone the exact same age as you and still run into “age gap obstacles.” Unfortunately, despite different theories, there is no secret formula to having a relationship lasting longer or shorter that has been linked to age. Younger, older or same ‘‘WhatsApp group’’ you will always have some good and bad experiences. All you need to do is to be open about your issues in the relationship, it can be a story of happily ever after or the opposite.
The other thing to know is that no matter your partner’s age, if there are haters, they will always have negative comments. It’s human nature to think that the way someone does or views things is wrong. If you are that unfortunate, you will always have people who want to run your life and if you are not clever enough to stand your ground, you will always find yourself confused and even let go of the right partner who is said not to be your age.
When it comes to love issues, you do not owe anyone an explanation on why you are in love with who. To avoid relationship confusion which can be caused by third parties, you don’t have to defend yourself to anyone, but all you have to do with your partner is find a way to shut people up.
Every partnership is unique and even when you get along very well with your older or younger partner, you might realise that you are not clicking well with their friends. It is very possible not to fit in with them so to hell with them and concentrate on your relationship as there is no rule which says, “Your partner’s friends should be your friends.”
People will always get to the sensitive part of sexual chemistry!
We have always heard prophets of doom cursing some relationships concluding that they would not last because it would have been assumed that the other party has got more experience and all. There is no such thing; performance in bed can never be judged with age. It is all about how you click!
Relationships take a lot of work and an age gap doesn’t make it much easier, but with a little self-awareness and a lot of communication, anything can be figured out. If two people have dealt with their differences and are ready for all of the pressures and responsibilities that go along with a committed relationship, then age gap is no excuse to stop them.
“The heart wants what the heart wants” is a cliché that couldn’t be more accurate. You truly can’t help with whom you fall in love. Love doesn’t care if someone is older or younger. Allow love to work its mysterious magic if you find yourself having a special connection with someone who is older or younger than you. Explore it and let it grow beautifully.
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