The Sunday News
Hi Sis Noe
MY boyfriend wants to have sex with me while I am menstruating. Is it safe and healthy? — Worried.
Reply
It all boils down to you; your boyfriend wants it, do you? If you are not comfortable then don’t do it. Most lovers don’t like the idea of having sex during a period, they see it as a natural monthly break in the action, and others are perfectly comfortable with it. In fact, it is said that sex while you are menstruating can help ease the symptoms of PMS if you achieve an orgasm. An orgasm releases endorphins, natural painkillers and mood enhancers, which can help with the cramps, headaches, mild depression, and irritability sometimes associated with periods.
Also, many women enjoy sex more when they are menstruating because of increased feelings of fullness in the pelvic and genital areas, which give you a head start on arousal. If you have sex with a guy during your period, you can still get pregnant.
And you can get sexually transmitted diseases (STDs) during this time — in fact, having sex when a girl has her period can make it even easier to spread STDs. Safe sex is even more crucial during your period. A woman’s risk of sexually transmitted disease and infection is higher than normal during this time because the cervix opens to allow blood to pass through.
Unfortunately, this creates the perfect pathway for bacteria to travel deep inside the pelvic cavity.
A woman is also more likely to pass on blood-borne diseases like HIV and hepatitis to a partner during her period, and she’s more likely to develop yeast or bacterial infections because the vagina’s pH during menstruation is less acidic. Finally, there is still a chance that you could get pregnant during your period unless you are on the Pill, so don’t assume it’s safe to forgo contraception. So always use a condom every time you have sex.
Hi Sis Noe
My boyfriend and I were going to have sex for the first time the other day. It was my first time but he has done it before. I was not nervous or anything but he couldn’t get his organ in at all. Why did this happen? — Worried.
Reply
You need to be relaxed and your vagina needs to be wet to allow his organ in you. Before your boyfriend tries to put his organ in you, it’s good to start by having foreplay, like touching, kissing or having oral sex. All of these things help you to feel excited and get lubricated. Some positions might be easier than others too.
If you experiment with different positions, don’t keep trying one if it’s a painful one. It’s also possible that your hymen has not stretched yet and this is why you have not been able to have sex. It may also be because of tight vaginal muscles in response to sex. This is called vaginismus: an involuntary spasm of vaginal muscles. It sometimes happens when a person is feeling worried about having sex, is not really sure if it’s the right thing to do, or is worried about the risk of pregnancy.
If you can’t insert a finger or tampon in your vagina it would be a good idea to see a doctor and have an examination and find out if there is any hymen there or if there is another cause, such as vaginismus. The best place to try would be a family planning or sexual health clinic, but any doctor you feel comfortable would be fine. If you are thinking about having sex, you also need to think about protecting yourself from STIs and unwanted pregnancy.
Hi Sis Noe
I am 20 and he is 27. The problem is that he rarely sleeps in the house, he is always drunk but says he loves me, we are in the process of getting married so I feel like he will play run away groom, should I continue with him or not? — Confused.
Reply
Your miserable time with this guy has given you a glimpse of the kind of marriage you will have with this man. You are watching your married life unfold right in front of you before you have even gone through with it. What you are seeing is not so great, is it? Well, if you don’t pay attention to what it’s telling you — you will have a really mediocre and unfulfilling life ahead. Your husband-to-be is doing everything he can to avoid life — the alcohol, lack of intimacy and affection — these are all escapes from his life, part of which is you.
He is showing you who he is right now, someone that runs from his dissatisfying life outcome, instead of someone that takes it by the reigns and changes it into something that is rewarding and fulfilling. Does someone that runs from problems sound like the right partner to take on the challenges of life with? This guy hides his head in the sand like an ostrich when problems arise and you will be divorced before you know it. Seriously, you are marrying an irresponsible man and I can guarantee you two have already grown out of the relationship whether you wish to admit it or not. You deserve more than this guy. It is through experiences with a variety of different people that you gather a better understanding of who is in fact the right person for you, not trying to change one of your first serious relationships into what you want — which will most likely end in frustration. He is not the right man for you.
Hi Sis Noe
What are the health risks associated with licking a girl’s vagina? — Curious.
Reply
Performing oral sex on a woman carries a theoretical risk of HIV transmission for the insertive partner (the person who is licking or sucking the vaginal area) because infected vaginal fluids and blood can get into wounds and tears which are inside the mouth. (This includes, but is not limited to, menstrual blood). Likewise, there is a theoretical risk of HIV transmission during oral sex for the receptive partner (the person who is having her vagina licked or sucked) if infected blood from oral sores or bleeding gums come in contact with vulva or vaginal cuts or sores. The risk of HIV transmission during oral sex is low compared to vaginal and anal sex. However, there have been cases of HIV transmission and STDs resulting from oral-vaginal sex.
Hi Sis Noe
IS it true that you can get pregnant while on the Pill and what are the chances of that happening? — Confused
Reply
Yes, you can get pregnant while on the Pill. There are a number of reasons why a woman on birth control pills could become pregnant. The most common is that she neglects to take the Pill on one or more days. Depending on how busy your lifestyle is or how frequently you renew your birth control pill prescription, it can be easy to forget to go to the drugstore and then delay starting a new package — while still being sexually active. Another mistake that women sometimes make is taking the Pill at different times on different days. Birth control pills should be taken at the same time every day. It is admittedly inconvenient to have to take a pill every single day, always at about the same time — but this is essential to ensure that birth control pills work successfully to prevent pregnancy.
Also, birth control pills are sometimes affected by other medications. Certain antibiotics, anti-seizure and anti-fungal medications have been linked to reduced effectiveness in birth control pills, along with some herbs and vitamins. Before your physician prescribes any new medication, make sure to let her or him know that you are on the pill, to avoid any potential problems.
