Chat with Sis Noe: Dumped while preparing for a wedding

14 Oct, 2018 - 00:10 0 Views
Chat with Sis Noe: Dumped while preparing for a wedding

The Sunday News

heart break

Hi Sis Noe
I AM in a relationship with a guy aged 33 who I met a few months ago. He is a sweet and funny guy and we get on really well.

However, whenever we go out, I always pay because I have a lot more money than he does.

Whenever I ask him to pay he says he is broke. And the other thing is that he stays with his mother, she is a doctor. I don’t want to sound wrong but is it wrong to want the man to be able to pay for me sometimes? — Worried.

Reply

No it is not wrong. The arrangement you have is currently working beautifully for him — his mother houses him and you feed him.

You need to know upfront what level of motivation this man has and I can tell you right now that he is lazy and spoilt. He is with you because you “mother” him.

Away from home he sees you as the direct replacement for his mother. If you grow frustrated with having to provide for him, remember that you knew this upfront about him.

If you want to pursue this relationship, have realistic expectations. You can only choose to be in a relationship with who he is now. You can’t be in a relationship with who you hope he will become.

Hi Sis Noe

My marriage has been blissful and my husband does everything I want but I have just discovered that he was cheating on me.

My mother and aunt told me to forgive him and not seek divorce because all men cheat. — Worried.

Reply

Let’s talk about the culture that your mother and aunt want to promote – that all men cheat. Who are they cheating with? Do the women that they cheat with know that they are married?

If women knew their worth and refused to be with a man who has another woman, who would the men be able to cheat with?

Not all men cheat that’s a lie. You need to show you husband that you do not tolerate what he did. He needs to feel the pain that he made you go through. You need to sit him down and tell him that his cheating is unacceptable.

To drive the message home you can go and live with your parents for a week or so but I would not advise you to divorce him. Give him another chance to make up for his transgression. However, if that is what you have decided then by all means divorce him.

Hi Sis Noe

I am in love with a good man. He has a good job, he is handsome and my relatives love him but the problem is that he is married.

He promised to leave his wife but up to now he has not. — Help.

Reply

So he is Mr Perfect — he is handsome, your relatives love him and he is a good man but wait . . . he is married! Why is it that you thought he might dump his wife and marry you?

He was upfront with you from the start. Perhaps you had a hidden agenda, just pretending the wife bit was okay initially? Let us say he will leave his wife and marry you, would you trust him as a husband?

What’s to stop him from doing the same to you? This man is never going to leave his wife, the sooner you realise it the better. Dump him and find yourself a single guy who will love you wholeheartedly.

Hi Sis Noe

My boyfriend of three years dumped me while we were preparing for our wedding. I am devastated and I cannot move on without him.

Help me get him back. I have tried to talk to him but he says he just does not love me anymore. I tried to kill myself but I was saved by my mother. — Stressed.

Reply

At this point it is understandable that you had lost all hope and that you were too overwhelmed to think straight. You could have chosen to cry yourself a river or got yourself a rebound guy.

The point is that when you were completely devastated and overwhelmed, you chose how to respond. You chose. No one made you attempt suicide.

If you want to heal you need to start by taking responsibility for your choices.

This is not an insensitive judgment. When you realise that you have choices, you can move from being a victim to becoming the king of your life. Your relationship failed, your dream wedding did not happen and you feel shattered.

Take time to grieve and heal. You need to choose to define who you are, not as you reflect from a temperamental, stupid man. You are not a has-been or unwanted because some fool cannot see your value and worth!

Hi Sis Noe

My boyfriend does not like bathing. At times he goes for days without cleaning himself.

I discovered this when he moved in with me. It is turning me off and it is now affecting our sex life. He is confused when I refuse to have sex with him. — Help me.

Reply

Cleanliness is next to godliness but clearly your man likes to hang out where angels fear to tread! He sounds like a good guy, albeit a smelly one, and apart from the greasy hands and ruined bed sheets, he could be a keeper.

The real issue here is what you need to address. That would be honest communication. Trying not to hurt his feelings is creating insecurity in him, and unhappiness and dirty sheets for you.

You need to sit him down and have a talk, preferably over candles and some bubbles – the bath kind! Tell him all that you love and admire about him, reinforce his good qualities.

Tell him that you would like to always feel closely connected to him but that you are afraid that his bad habit is driving you away from him. Tell him that cleanliness is important to you and you find it a real turn on when he gets into bed freshly showered.

If he doesn’t feel attacked he will more than likely soap up, especially with the warm reception he is bound to find afterwards. Rather than jumping to all sorts of imagined conclusions, just be honest. It sounds like this relationship is worth it.

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