The Sunday News
Hi Sis Noe
I AM having an affair with my married neighbour and my husband found out. We had a huge fight about it and everyone in my neighbourhood knows. But I still cannot stay away from the man because we satisfy each other sexually and mentally. I have never been close to a man the way I am close to this man. At times we think about leaving our partners but children are complicating things. — Help.
Reply
This whole drama sounds stupid to me madam. Maybe you should consider growing up. Your husband sounds like he has a lot of patience or is currently figuring out how to drop you without permanently scaring the kids. It’s like I am reading something written by a 16-year-old girl in a high school relationship.
It is not fair on your partners. So what you are saying is that this man is better than your husband because he whispers sweet nothings into your ear, listens to your long drawn out stories, and is good in bed? Right now you are seeing the best of him, move in and you will see the rest. Didn’t you spend any time or effort before you got married to figure out all this about your husband? Or did you get swept up into the moment like you did with this new guy? There must have been some good reason you got married to your husband.
I bet you are so built up in this affair thing you have not even given your husband a chance to meet your needs physically or emotionally. Ask yourself this about your husband — does he love me, look after me and our kids? If you are contemplating getting a divorce for the reasons you gave me then saying you are concerned for the kids is a load of bull.
If your husband was cheating on you, or was out drunk every night, or was violent, or abused the kids, then you are right, you need a divorce. But right from the moment you first started spreading your legs for the guy next door you were not thinking about the kids at all. So wake up and get your life together before you hurt a lot of people.
Hi Sis Noe
My wife no longer has sex with me. Every night she spends her time on the phone, chatting with her friends and surfing the Internet. I sleep early because of work but she chats late into the night. — Worried.
Reply
It doesn’t sound like your problem is affecting your sexual life, it sounds like you don’t have a sexual life. If she is going to sit there and be on her phone for the rest of your life long voyage together — you better sit her down and start talking about this!
It’s basically the phone or you. Do you make it interesting for her? Yes, I mean the sex. Do you entice her with any level of encouragement? Or do you just go into the bedroom with her and its VRR PHA!? After you talk to her about the fact that her being on the phone every night just doesn’t cut it, help her along. During the day, say suggestive things about possible romp sessions that upcoming night. Talk about common things in a sexual way. When you are in the bedroom or your house, kitchen, wherever, make the move on her! Why not? She’s your wife! If she is not getting the hint, or it appears she really is not interested at all then you better start thinking long and hard about how long you want to put up with this bull. Think about it — the physical stuff is an important part of a marriage.
Hi Sis Noe
I no longer love my boyfriend and I don’t know how to tell him without hurting him. To make things worse, I am now attracted to his friend and I think he also has feelings for me. I want him to be my boyfriend. — Help.
Reply
You need to be straight up with your boyfriend, tell him the relationship you have with him is just not what you are looking for, simple as that. As for letting go of your boyfriend without hurting him, hooking up with his best friend is hardly the right move to achieve that. Don’t you think it’s going to be a bit awkward dating his best friend, and possibly cause animosity among the three of you? Maybe you should have a good look around for other options first before going for his friend. If you are in a relationship that you are not really that enthused about going for the friend is not the answer. Look somewhere else.
Hi Sis Noe
My boyfriend used to call me a lot, these days he rarely calls me. He is distant and it’s affecting our relationship. I just don’t understand him and when I tell him that he does not try to change. — Lonely.
Reply
Sounds like you have a guy who just doesn’t give a bull about you. Something is going on in his life right now that obviously doesn’t include you. Check the trend, one moment he was a typical boyfriend, now he is Mr Solitude. From the sounds of things you probably give him a hard time when he finally calls you every time and he uses that as an excuse to be evasive. You need to go and see him and ask what is going on. I mean, what is the point in keeping this guy around if you never talk to him?
If he gives you some bull story about being busy, tell him that a one-minute call can fit into any schedule. If he doesn’t sound like he is going to change — dump him.
Hi Sis Noe
I recently found out that my girlfriend is not a virgin and it bothers me. I am a virgin and I want to lose my virginity after marriage. Since my girlfriend is not pure should I leave her and find a virgin like me? — Disappointed.
Reply
You have to decide whether the love she is giving you now, or the things she has done in the past are more important. Can you honestly say if a woman has had sex before you met her that you will put that person in your bad books? If you are going to do that then you will be adding a lot of women to that book. Many women and men are having sex before marriage knowing quite well they will not be marrying, or even dating the person for that matter. This is not right or wrong, but simply how things are.
You need to decide whether you can live with it or not. You have to remember in your case, it’s in the past. What is done is done. She is still a good person, is in love with you right now and you love her. If I were you, I would set these feelings aside and enjoy being with her.
Hi Sis Noe
My boyfriend never gives me breathing space. He is always clinging on to me. When we are not together he calls me every time to check who I am with and what I am doing. I told him to hang out with his friends and he told me that I am his life. I love him but I need my space. What can I do? — Worried.
Reply
This guy seriously needs to get a life. Anyone that completely devotes themselves to one person and excludes the remainder of the planet’s population has issues. I completely understand how you feel. This is probably invoking feelings of having no life, a feeling of having no interests or social circles of your own or outlets to just discover and enjoy who you are without him — all because this possessive idiot is always around. It is not a good way to live. I would say the best thing you could possibly do is to give him a stern ultimatum to start giving you breathing space or you will dump him. When he hears that this relationship, he is so insecure about could crumble, he will give in and give you space. Be understanding and polite (he does love you), but very firm about your intentions and feelings. In a situation like this, not only is he hurting himself by becoming so dependent on you, but he is killing your life too. There is no way of making him see the situation without hurting him. He is too dependent on you, and you have to tell him that it is unhealthy. He must develop his own life outside of your relationship.
Talk about a limited life this guy must have, he must bore you to death at times! Do you really want to be around someone that is literally feeding off of your existence to support his own? When you say you love him, what is it that you love about him? You may find you are clinging onto him to a degree too. Get this guy to change right away or move on and get your life back.
