The Sunday News
Hi Sis Noe
I DON’T know what is wrong with me but since I started having sex I have never had an orgasm. I am a healthy woman aged 30. What is wrong with me? — Worried.
Reply
There are many reasons why many women fail to have an orgasm but I have discovered that in most cases women fail to have an orgasm because they put too much pressure on themselves. If you are lying there nervous or tired or feeling uncomfortable about how much time has passed with you still not having had an orgasm, you are creating a vicious cycle of no orgasms. The pressure to have an orgasm can result in everyone being stressed out and not climaxing. Not ideal. Try not to think about it and just enjoy the sensations instead.
You will come when you least expect it. It might also be the medication you are using. Medications can diminish sex hormones in the body, and often lead to having crappy orgasms or no orgasms at all. So if the sex is actually good and it’s just not happening for you that could be why. Talk to your doctor and see if there is another medication with fewer sexual side effects that you could be taking. It might be that your man doesn’t know what he is doing. Lasting 30 minutes to an hour does not make your man a good lover. For most women, orgasm does not come from penetration alone. Tell your man to stop his jack-hammer method. He should stimulate your clitoris with his hand or his tongue. Adequate foreplay leads to an orgasm. The problem could be you. Maybe you have no idea what works for you.
You need to figure out what turns you on. You are getting turned on but not enough, the problem could be lack of enough lubrication. About 40 percent of women do not produce enough lubrication during sex. Even if your vagina gets wet, sometimes the chemistry of condoms, hormones, and emotions can throw that off and leave you dry. Just adding lubricant is an easy way to make you feel more comfortable and orgasm-ready. Lastly the problem may be medical — it is possible to have things like clitoral entrapment, which is when the clitoris literally gets trapped under the clitoral hood skin, making it less sensitive. If you are having significant trouble having an orgasm, go to a gynaecologist to make sure nothing like that is going on.
Hi Sis Noe
My boyfriend and I were going to have sex for the first time the other day. It was my first time but he has done it before. I was not nervous or anything but he couldn’t get in at all. Why did this happen? — Worried.
Reply
You need to be relaxed and before your boyfriend tries to enter you, it is good to start by having foreplay, like touching, kissing, masturbating each other or having oral sex. All of these things help you to feel excited. Some positions might be easier than others too if you experiment with different positions, don’t keep trying one if it’s a painful one. It is also possible that your hymen has not stretched yet and this is why you have not been able to have sex.
It may also be because of tight vaginal muscles in response to sex. This is called vaginismus: an involuntary spasm of vaginal muscles. It sometimes happens when a person is feeling worried about having sex, is not really sure if it’s the right thing to do, or is worried about the risk of pregnancy. If you can’t insert a finger or tampon in your vagina it would be a good idea to see a doctor and have an examination and find out if there is any hymen there or if there is another cause, such as vaginismus. The best place to try would be a family planning or sexual health clinic, but any doctor you feel comfortable with would be fine. If you are thinking about having sex, you also need to think about protecting yourself from STIs and unwanted pregnancy.
Hi Sis Noe
I don’t know what is wrong with me. I have never enjoyed sex and I don’t feel a thing. Am I normal? — Worried.
Reply
Sexual experiences reflect the connection of the mind and the body. What goes on in the mind is affected not only by what is going on sexually and non-sexually between the partners, but by everything that has gone on in a woman’s life. Sometimes even experiences from childhood can be relevant. This means that what you feel when your body is being stimulated by your partner depends not only on the partner’s skill, gentleness, care and ability to be guided by your needs, but also by what is going on in your mind. Is your mind settled? Were you once raped? Were you raised by parents who taught you that sex is bad? All these and more could be the reason you don’t enjoy sex. Go to the doctor to find out what’s wrong with you.
Hi Sis Noe
I am in love with my first cousin but I want to know whether it is really wrong to be with her? I want to marry her but we are afraid people will not understand. — Help.
Reply
By my understanding a first cousin is the daughter or son of an uncle or aunt. To your question — negative reactions to cousins who pair off stem largely from the belief that children from such relationships may have physical and/or mental abnormalities. Newborns with genetic disorders such as spina bifida or cystic fibrosis are more likely to be born of blood relatives because previously unexpressed recessive genes are more likely to appear.
First cousins are two times more likely to bear offspring with a birth defect than children born of couples who don’t share a common grandparent. If cousin couples happen to be carrying known genetic diseases, the risks faced by their offspring can be high. Legally it is a crime to date and to have sex with your first cousin so if you are discovered you might go to jail. Morally it’s taboo to be with your first cousin, society will frown upon your relationship. You are in an ugly relationship, get out of it now.
Hi Sis Noe
I was drunk and I had a one-night stand at a party with this handsome guy. The problem I have now is that I am stressed that he did not ask for my number. I feel used and cheap. Is it normal to feel this way? — Worried.
Reply
Unfortunately, no strings attached doesn’t always equate to no feelings attached. Whether you feel sad, confused, or even empowered, it is perfectly normal to have different emotions after a one-night stand. You may find that engaging in casual sex is not positive for your emotional health. Some people feel that sex is more meaningful or enjoyable if it is with a partner that they are emotionally invested with. Some don’t feel that way. We are different. Self-reflection is key to sorting out your emotions. Asking yourself some important questions can help you move forward. For example, what kind of relationship would you like to have with romantic partners? What role do you think casual sex will play for you in the future? These questions may help you better understand the pros and cons of different sexual situations you may encounter in the future. If the days are flying by and your feelings still linger, remember that sorting out your emotions may take some time. By treating yourself to some quality thinking time, exploring your emotions, and being patient, you can feel confident and balanced again.
