The Sunday News
Hi Sis Noe
I HAVE been dating an ex-prostitute I met a few months at a nightclub. She is wild; we have the best of times. We go out to party hard often, but we also take it easy and just stay at home.
The problem is sometimes she disappears without a trace and her phone would be unreachable for days especially at night. I can’t get it out of my mind that she would be selling her body to other men. What should I do? — Worried.
Reply
You will either need to handle the fact that her past will always precede her and you will never truly trust her, or it’s time to run for the hills. You cannot really expect these pent up feelings of jealousy and stress to just magically disappear. They are there naturally because you have formed a relationship with a former anatomical saleswoman. When you started dating her you signed up for this, it’s not like you didn’t know. What should you do? Find out how serious she intends the relationship to be.
Maybe she is doing it till the end of the rainy season; when she has drained you dry. If she has grand visions of bedding a thousand men before she settles down, then you need to figure out what to do fast. Once you get down to the bottom of exactly what she does, and know what your limits are; perhaps you can make a more informed decision. You may find much less goes on than you thought. Finally, you need to really listen to your gut on this one. Her former profession is not noble so you need to be alert and pay attention to details that you normally would not need to. Just because she says she is retired does not necessarily mean she is not part-timing now and then. If you do not believe what she says and you believe that she has not changed, then she probably has not.
Hi Sis Noe
I am 34 and my husband is 70, the problem is nxa sifuna ukuya emacansini kasakwanisi, into yakhe iyalala. Ngenzeni? Sesile one year. Sengihluphekile. — Worried.
Reply
It is obvious that your man needs a medical examination — plus one or two simple tests, to rule out physical conditions like diabetes. (Sometimes illnesses like diabetes — which really need to be treated — make men impotent. And it is often the erectile problem that is the first sign that something medical is wrong.) But there may be psychological factors — for instance, the fact that your husband is 70 and you are 34 — he might be feeling that he cannot and will not be able to satisfy you sexually. That anxiety might be the cause of him losing his erection.
If that is not the case then his age is the cause of him failing to get hard. If that is the case then he needs assistance to get hard and its available in pharmacies. All he needs to do is to go to the doctor who will examine him and prescribe erection boosting medication. The doctor can help him decide whether he just needs tablets (such as Cialis, Levitra or Viagra) or whether he should see a specialist. For the sake of your marriage, please urge him not to hang about.
Hi Sis Noe
My husband has a habit that annoys me. He watches TV when we are having sex. Does that mean that I am boring him? — Bored.
Reply
So you are down there being pounded by your husband with your eyes closed and when you open them you realise his attention is divided between you and News at 8? What this might mean to your husband is one question to explore. How his behaviour affects you is another question. Starting with the latter, how have you reacted when you noticed this? You said you find it unsettling, but there may be more behind that. Does it also feel disrespectful? Has it been insulting or upsetting to you? Has it hurt your feelings or do you feel simply curious about it? It would not be out of the ordinary to feel unhappy about it.
Intimate moments with someone you really care about may easily feel less intimate when something like this comes up. The question about your reaction matters because it may be time to explore this issue with him. What would it be like to share with him the fact that you have noticed him sneaking a peek at the TV during intimate moments? What would it be like to share with him how it impacts you? Whether a sexual partner is brand new or long-standing, communication is the key to improving the goings-on in the sack. Do you think he would be open to such communication? If he is not, this may be good information for you. Now, let’s examine your other question.
What might it mean that your husband watches TV while pumping away? Well, one possibility is that the TV is simply left on when you two start to get it on. He may be into what you are doing, but he gets distracted by something on the screen. Could you shut off the TV in advance of getting intimate? Sometimes people like to leave the television or radio on during sex because the noise can buffer the intensity that often comes with being so close to another person.
Have you noticed his attention being divided during other bedroom activities with you? What about when you two are spending quality, non-sexual time together? Noticing whether or not his attention is often divided or whether it is situation-specific may give you some clues as to the meaning behind the TV ogling, but there is no way to really know without asking. Before you get close again, you may want to express your concern. It may be worth letting him know that you would like him to tune into you when you are together.
Expressing your feelings, and working together on ways to enjoy your time with each other may do the trick.
