The Sunday News
Hi Sis Noe
I AM a 30-year-old man and I am sterile. I found out I cannot have children two years ago when I went for tests. I have a girlfriend and we are planning to get married next year and she is always talking about having a big family.
This is stressing me. What do I do? — Worried.
Reply
You have to tell her; maybe her love for you is too strong for your infertility to be an issue. But I understand your dilemma — your heartache over this issue is justified and completely understandable. Having biological children is a big part of how some folks see their future. As such, being with someone who talks about having kids can be heartbreaking, especially if you feel you have not yet dealt with your inability to do so on your own. Exploring your feelings is likely a good first step and is something you can do before you have a bigger conversation with your partner. Take some time to think about how not being able to reproduce changes your circumstances and in what ways it impacts your life expectations.
Additionally, you might find talking with a mental health professional to be highly beneficial as you come to terms with your feelings about the situation. An outside perspective from an unbiased professional might be instrumental in your ability to process and accept not being able to reproduce. They can also help you think through how to discuss this with your girlfriend and plan your approach. Once you feel a bit more comfortable with the reality of your infertility, having a conversation with your girlfriend might not seem as overwhelming. A straightforward approach will likely be a good approach.
Find a time and place that you can set aside for a private discussion. Make sure to give her time to share her feelings and make an effort to hear her thoughts — she might surprise you with how supportive she can be. Alternatively, it might take her some time to really consider this reality, in which case, it’s key to let her have time to process this news, too. If you think it may be helpful, you can also suggest that the two of you discuss the situation together with a counsellor or a health care provider. Hopefully with some time, patience, and understanding, both you and your girlfriend will accept this situation. I wish you all the best.
Hi Sis Noe
Is it possible to get pregnant while breastfeeding? — Curious.
Reply
Yes, it is possible to get pregnant while breastfeeding. There is something called lactational amenorrhea, or the breastfeeding method, which is a birth control method frequently practiced by new moms. It works because breastfeeding causes a woman to stop ovulating and in turn, stop menstruating for about six months after giving birth. However, this contraception strategy only prevents pregnancy when under specific circumstances. This means that some new moms might still be at risk of pregnancy depending on their particular breastfeeding situation. So to avoid the risk of getting pregnant you must know that there are lots of possible birth control methods out there for you to consider, such as traditional, shorter-term methods like condoms or oral contraceptives.
Hi Sis Noe
Is it normal to have a headache when I am about to have my period? — Worried.
Reply
Migraines that occur exclusively around your period affect between one or two out of every 20 women. There are many reasons why they occur. Check with your health care provider about possible causes and treatments that are best for you.
Hi Sis Noe
Is it possible to get HIV from oral sex? — Worried.
Reply
Yes, transmission of HIV could occur via contact with a mucous membrane and it also can happen via contact with the blood stream. If someone is HIV positive, HIV would be present in both their fluids and bloodstream, which means it could be transmitted from fluids into a small cut or tear on one’s hand or mouth. The risks of contracting HIV from oral sex are considerably lower than from vaginal or anal intercourse. Risks do still exist for both partners, however, particularly when it comes to transmission of other sexually transmitted infections.
With reference to HIV specifically, the passive or receiving partner has little chance of contracting HIV because when you receive oral sex you are mainly exposing yourself to saliva, which has negligible concentrations of HIV.
Keep in mind though that researchers have found it difficult to pinpoint the exact act during which HIV is transmitted because people rarely engage in only one type of sexual act. The risk of contracting HIV infection is greater for the partner giving oral sex. Using protection consistently and correctly for both oral sex and intercourse will help keep your sex life healthy and worry-free.
Hi Sis Noe
Is it safe to have sex when I am nine months pregnant? — Worried.
Reply
Parents-to-be often worry that sex during pregnancy could be harmful to the baby. Common concerns include poking the baby, causing a miscarriage, or harming the pregnant woman. It should come as some relief that, while these fears are quite normal, they are mostly unfounded. Unless the pregnancy is considered high-risk, sex is ok because the baby is protected in the womb by the amniotic sac. Even orgasms, which cause uterine contractions, don’t lead to premature labour or birth. If you are unsure whether or not the pregnancy is high-risk, or if you are feeling particularly concerned, you can consult with your health care provider. After a baby is born, many doctors recommend waiting at least six weeks before resuming intercourse. This allows time for the cervix to close and for any tears to heal. But until the birth day, go for it.
Hi Sis Noe
My boyfriend keeps condoms in his wallet, I wanted to know whether it is safe to use those condoms? — Worried.
Reply
A condom stored in a wallet can be deteriorated by a lot of action, even when the person carrying it is not getting any. The constant bending of the wallet caused by sitting and walking, as well as the friction from frequently opening and closing it, can cause a condom stored inside to deteriorate. Even if the condom looks fine when you open it, there might still be microscopic holes and tears in it that make it less effective in preventing unwanted pregnancy and the transmission of sexually transmitted infections. Extreme heat or freezing cold can also make the condom brittle and weak, even if the condom is brought back to room temperature before it is used. For best results, he should store condoms in a cool, dry, dark place.
