Chat with Sis Noe: My boyfriend does not want to be circumcised

by Sunday News Online | Sunday, Nov 12, 2017 | 721 views

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Hi Sis Noe
I AM 26 and married. After ejaculation, my sperms find their way out of my wife’s vagina. Will I be able to reproduce? — Worried.

Reply
Sperm leakage from the vagina is normal and to be expected when there is enough of the ejaculate. Sperm leakage means there is enough of the ejaculate. Most people notice some discharge immediately after sex and some think it’s the cause of infertility. The fluid coming out of the vagina is a portion of the ejaculate. But less than five percent of the ejaculate is actually sperm; over 95 percent is made up of other fluids. Leakage of the ejaculate from the vagina is highly unlikely to prevent your wife from getting pregnant.

In fact, it’s totally normal for some of the ejaculate to come out of her vagina after intercourse. If you ejaculate deep inside her, then you can be sure that no matter how much of the ejaculate leaks out afterward, enough sperm will reach the cervical mucus. If your wife stays on her back for the suggested 15-20 minutes after intercourse, hips slightly elevated, this leakage of the ejaculate is usually not a cause of infertility. But usually it is a good sign that some ejaculate leaks out because it may mean that you are depositing your semen normally in her vagina and that there is enough of it.

Hi Sis Noe
I’m 16 and I am having a problem of producing whitish stuff and water but I don’t know the cause of this. — Help.

Reply
Vaginal discharge is very normal. Glands inside your vagina and cervix make small amounts of fluid. This fluid flows out of the vagina each day, carrying out old cells that have lined the vagina. This is your body’s way of keeping your vagina healthy and clean. The discharge is usually clear or milky and doesn’t smell bad. The colour and thickness of the discharge change with your monthly cycle. The discharge is thicker when you ovulate (when one of your ovaries releases an egg).

Changes that may signal a problem include an increase in the amount of discharge, a change in the colour or smell of the discharge, and irritation, itchiness or burning in or around your vagina. This is called vaginitis. A discharge that is stained with blood when you are not having your period could also be a sign of a problem. If you have any of these signs, you should talk to your doctor. I am sure there is nothing wrong with you but you can avoid vaginitis by wiping yourself from front to back after using the toilet. This helps prevent bacteria from your rectal area getting into your vagina. Wear cotton underpants during the day.

Cotton allows your genital area to breathe. Don’t wear underpants at night. Avoid wearing tight pants, pantyhose, swimming suits, biking shorts or leotards for long periods. Change your laundry detergent or fabric softener if you think it may be irritating your genital area. Avoid hot tubs. Bath or shower daily and pat your genital area dry. Avoid feminine hygiene sprays, coloured or perfumed toilet paper, deodorant pads or tampons, and bubble bath.

Hi Sis Noe
My boyfriend has a problem, he is not circumcised. I don’t want to have sex with him because of that. His uncircumcised penis turns me off but he does not want to get circumcised. What can I do about this problem of his? I want him to be circumcised. — Starved.

Reply
It’s your problem, not his. If the look of your vagina did not please him would you want him to recoil in disgust or appreciate you for who you are? Your strong reaction to the inch or so of skin that is supposed to be there indicates you have immaturity issues. Suggesting he should get cut to accommodate those stunning insecurities of yours is an absurd notion, and in no way considers what such a procedure would put your partner through. Undergoing a circumcision when newly-born is one thing, but as an adult it’s a totally different ballgame. You may not realise this (the health benefits of circumcision aside), it is very common for men not to be circumcised.

While this may be your first encounter with someone who has not been circumcised, you really need to adjust your thinking to the fact that it probably won’t be your last. Instead of seeing it as something intolerable, you need to be in the frame of mind that it’s natural and completely normal. Take some time to mentally re-evaluate your initial impression of his penis, which may have been of shock.

That shock then festered into a downward spiral that has led to where you are now — a mess. Let your mind take some time to digest the situation again and the fact that his uncircumcised tool doesn’t pose a threat to you. It really is a miniscule detail that you can either ignore, or if you let yourself, turn into an overblown crisis. Don’t put him on a guilt trip over this; instead put some much needed time and effort into internally resolving this yourself. He will get circumcised when he wants.

Hi Sis Noe
Our sex life is non-existent because my partner and I are never in the mood at the same time. I’m a morning person and always wake up early, while she sleeps in until 10am because she works long shifts. At weekends I have a second job in the evenings that wears me out, but this is when my partner would like us to be intimate. We both say it’s the other one who is selfish. We are in love, but how do we stop ourselves from drifting apart? — Worried.

Reply
Clearly something has to give if this relationship is to be rescued. Instead of squabbling and trading insults, I suggest you and your partner sit down and map out a solution. I realise money is always tight, but could she cut down on her hours in the week, while you give up your Saturday or Sunday shift? Relationships are all about compromise, so would she consent to one early morning love-making session in order to please you — if you promise to make more of an effort for her? You could also benefit from putting unbreakable date nights and sex dates in the diary.

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