The Sunday News
Hi Sis Noe
MY vagina makes farting sounds when I am having sex with my boyfriend. What is the cause of that? It stresses me a lot. — Help.
Reply
You definitely have nothing to worry or be embarrassed about. This gassy sound, sometimes referred to as queefing, is merely air escaping from your vagina, and it is quite common. During sex, the in-and-out action of your guy’s penis forces air into you that fills the space in the inner part of your vagina that has expanded during arousal. An especially deep thrust or shift in your body position can cause the air to be released in a noisy emission.
Or it might occur after orgasm, when the air is expelled as the vagina returns to its pre-aroused state. If you have not had sex before, or not had sex for a while, you may notice your vagina can be particularly windy — which can feel awkward if you are with someone you don’t know sexually. Swapping for oral sex or other, non-penetrative, pleasures could also work. It’s worth remembering while some people are shocked by farts, others are turned on by them, while most realise through experience this is just one of those sex things.
You may prefer just to keep doing whatever feels good for you sexually, with the understanding sometimes that it will also lead to queefing. Vaginal wind could also be related to pelvic floor problems, caused by childbirth among other things. You can attempt to prevent the air from getting inside you by having your guy make small, shallow strokes. Or, you can try to stick to positions that don’t lift your pelvis too much, since pelvis-elevating positions, such as doggie-style, can increase queefing. But, to tell you the truth, the best advice is to just laugh it off. Why would you want to compromise your sexual pleasure because of a little farting?
Hi Sis Noe
I am trying to have a baby with my husband; the problem is that the semen does not stay inside my vagina. It comes out after sex. Is there something wrong with me? — Worried.
Reply
This is very normal, but you obviously need to know why. I will get a little graphic, so bear with me. Ejaculate (semen) is made up of a lot of different things. One of its components is sperm. In a normal male ejaculate, there are anywhere between 20 and 400 million sperms. All you need to get pregnant is one. What normally happens after sexual intercourse is that a lot of the ejaculate does leak out.
Some of it, however, remains in the back of the vagina (in the posterior fornix) and an even smaller amount makes its way up through the cervix, into the uterus and down the fallopian tubes. It is here, in the fallopian tubes, that the sperm and egg meet. So, the bottom line is that you don’t need to lie in bed with your legs up after intercourse to get pregnant and the fact that semen is leaking out afterwards, doesn’t decrease your chances of conceiving. Just enjoy the sex. You can still certainly become pregnant, even if it feels like everything is coming out afterwards.
This is because the strongest and fastest sperm would have stayed behind, as they will be well on their way to fertilise the egg by the time you stand up or go to the bathroom after having sex. Do not be disheartened; keep in mind that you only need one very strong and quick sperm to fertilise your egg. This means that even if most of the sperm does leak out of you, there are still hundreds, if not thousands, of sperm still swimming around inside you.
Hi Sis Noe
My boyfriend loses his erection most times when we are having sex. He says he loves me and I turn him on, but I don’t believe him because we hardly have sex. — Worried and confused.
Reply
It is difficult not to take an issue like this personally. We equate erection with sexual attraction and, therefore, assume that the reverse is also true. If a man can’t get an erection, on a subconscious level we worry that we aren’t sexy enough, but erectile failure is hardly ever caused by lack of physical attraction. The ingrained expectation that males communicate their desire through their erections can make women feel unnecessarily insecure, but it puts a lot of sexual pressure on men too.
This problem is often compounded by the fact that a woman’s desire to be desired means she will expect her man to perform without providing any direct stimulation. Any woman who wants a man to sustain his erection must be willing to coax it into existence with physical contact. Likewise, when a man loses his erection during sex, manual or oral stimulation is much more effective in restoring it than interrogation or humiliation.
The worst thing you can do is become wound up. Harping on about the problem can lead to a situation where your man’s fear of losing his erection ensures that he will. Although I am fairly sure that your boyfriend’s problem is common performance anxiety, continual erectile failure in a young man can indicate underlying health problems such as diabetes, hypertension, heart disease or vascular disease. Taking drugs, drinking too much, working too hard or using prescription medications such as anti-depressants can also play havoc with the ability to maintain an erection.
However, if your boyfriend experiences spontaneous nocturnal or morning erections then the problem is almost certainly psychological. I am pretty sure that the situation will resolve on its own accord once he begins to feel more confident, but if his failure to achieve a reliable erection continues to interfere with your capacity to enjoy sex, it would be worth exploring viagra and sex therapy.
Hi Sis Noe
My boyfriend is very talkative before sex and during sex he loves telling me sweet words, but after sex he is very quiet. I am worried that I don’t satisfy him but he says it’s not that. He says he is just like that. — Stressed.
Reply
Believe it or not, it is common for men and women to feel depressed after sex, even if it was mind-blowing. So the next time you get it on and your partner turns away or doesn’t want to participate in pillow talk, he is not just being an insensitive jerk.
There is actually a real name for this condition. It is called post-coital tristesse (PCT). It comes from the Latin phrase post-coital and the French word tristesse, and it literally means sadness. Many people who suffer from PCT will experience strong feelings of sorrow, anxiety, or uneasiness anywhere from immediately after sex to up to two hours later. Why does this happen? It involves the hormone prolactin.
Women have this hormone to make milk, but men have it, too. Your body creates it after an orgasm to counteract the release of dopamine, the hormone responsible for sexual arousal. So the prolactin is believed to cause these feelings of melancholy. Sex is all about connecting with someone, and while the dopamine surging through your body makes you feel great while you are having sex, afterwards, reality might sink in.
You may feel scared or nervous about commitment, so you may want to be alone, or get some emotional (and even physical) distance from the person you were just with. Sex also makes us say things in the heat of the moment, so while your loins made you say “I love you and want to have your children,” later on that may not seem like such a good idea. Give your man a break.
SOULMATES
I am an 18-year-old girl looking for a man who is aged between 23 and 28. He must be employed and prepared to take care of me.
I am a 29-year-old man looking for a proper girlfriend I can marry. I am afraid its getting too late for me.
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I’m a 35-year-old lady. I’m HIV-positive; please help me find a good partner. I’m a mother of one kid. He should be 35-40.
I am a 22-year-old lady and a mother of one. I need an Adventist man who is ready to settle and must be 28 to 34 years old.
Ngilijaha elileminyaka engu28, ngidinga intombi yokuthatha ezimiseleyo ukwenda. Njalo akube ngokhuluma isiNdebele.
Ngikhangelele ukuthola umuntu ojayele impilo yedolobheni leyekhaya. Mina ngihlala koBulawayo. Akube ngumuntu oleminyaka engu 18-22. Njalo kabe ngumuntu ongelamntwana ngoba lami angilaye.
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