The Sunday News
Hi Sis Noe
MY girlfriend asked me if it was ok for her to have sex with other men. When she realised that I was angry she said she was joking but I think she was not, because she said I was free to do the same.
We love watching porn and I think she got the idea from the videos of orgies and swing that we love to watch. While I like fantasising about the idea of having sex with other women I do not want to make that a reality. I am the only man to have ever had sex with her — she was a virgin when we met and all the sex she now knows she was taught by me. — Help.
Reply
By beholding we are changed — you got yourself a virgin and an innocent woman and you have changed her into what she is now. So in a way you are also to blame for her desires, however, she is an adult at the end of the day and she decides what is right and what is wrong.
Most men and women would be pretty devastated if the person they love suggested having sex with someone else. Also what might start off as nothing but a bit of fun could develop into something more serious and if either of you slept with other people — one of you might fall in love with someone else. It could also be difficult when you are making love to each other not to think about them having sex with someone else and wondering if you are as good a lover as they are.
Tell your girlfriend how much you love her and that, for you, making love is something special between the two of you and you would be devastated if she had sex with other men. And stop watching porn — it is ruining your relationship.
Hi Sis Noe
My boyfriend is 36 and I am 20. He is worried about the age gap, as a result he has not told his family about me. We go out but he avoids his friends. The sex is great but he is not comfortable showing affection for me in public. — Worried.
Reply
If you are just a woman he wants to have sex with then this is not the relationship for you. The age gap is nothing to be worried about.
You are 20 you are a grown-up woman. If he is not special to you let this relationship go. But if he is important then explain to him that you still want to be with him, but you don’t want to continue a sexual relationship unless he treats you as a proper girlfriend and introduces you to family and friends. He should also want to take you out with friends and relatives and to be affectionate in public.
Hi Sis Noe
My husband cheated on me years ago and he did not even apologise. Now I am worried that he will cheat again as he is now chatting with an old friend of his. They talk every day and he spends a lot of time with her. Recently she called when he was bathing and I answered his phone and she said he had told her that we are separated. — Worried.
Reply
Your husband has already been unfaithful and did not even apologise. Now he is flirting with another woman and has lied to her about the state of your marriage, which suggests he is on the way to having another affair. The majority of men who have serial affairs don’t want to leave their marriage, especially if they still have feelings for their wife and there are children involved.
What they enjoy are all the benefits of marriage and family life, with some extra excitement on the side. The mistress often falls in love and thinks the man is going to leave his wife for her. If discovered, the man usually ends the affair but then when things are back to normal in the marriage, he often embarks on another.
So even though you love him do you think you could really stay married if this was the situation? He may be kind in many ways, but this aspect of him is not kind at all. Talk to him and find a solution, even if it means going for couple’s counselling.
Hi Sis Noe
I have been married for 10 years. I do everything for my wife but she does not return the love I give her. She does not want to have children. We hardly have sex and when we do she just lies on her back and tells me to hurry up. I have used my connections to get her jobs but she quits all the time. — Help.
Reply
Sadly, I think that you need to think about leaving your marriage. You have tried so hard for so long, but staying is making you desperately unhappy. I’m afraid your wife sounds selfish — to not want children and to choose not to work as well sounds as though she has perhaps been using you.
You still have time to meet someone with whom you could have a loving, affectionate, emotional and physical relationship. Try not to hold on to the resentment, though.
This tends to only make people depressed. I am sorry that you have not had children. However, many childless people picture family life like it is in the adverts: yes, it can be wonderful; but it can also be painful. We never know what is around the corner or how life might have worked out if we had made different choices. We have to draw a line under what has gone before and try to move forward. Find someone who will appreciate you and all you have to offer.
Hi Sis Noe
I recently met my ex and we had sex even though he told me that he now has a girlfriend. The sex was great but he told me point blank that he cannot leave his girlfriend. We talk and flirt every day and I think I am falling back in love with him. I want him for me. What must I do? — Confused.
Reply
The flirting will lead to more sex with him and your hopes will be raised that you will get back together but then dashed when he returns to his girlfriend and you will feel heartbroken once more. He is clearly still attracted to you, but he has not said he is in love with you, or that he will leave his girlfriend. In fact, as he is being unfaithful to her, his relationship with her might not last, or she will discover his betrayal and break up with him. But that does not mean he will come back to you. Ask him if he still loves you and if the answer is no, please be brave enough to walk away and cut off contact with him, otherwise, you will only end up miserable and heart broken.
