The Sunday News
Hi Sis Noe
I’M a lady aged 19 and I’ve got a problem. My breasts are itchy so I’m afraid that it might be cancer and I always have isihlabo around my breast. Please help, I’m scared. — Scared.
Reply
Pain in the breast is a common symptom, which is rarely due to cancer. The normal cyclical breast pain is related to hormone imbalances. Temporary increased oestrogen production may result in breast pain, fullness and nodularity. The oestrogen stimulates proliferation of the ductal system and supporting tissues in the breasts. Sometimes pain in the breast is due to conditions in the chest wall which feels like breast pain. Such conditions could be a pulled muscle, an inflammatory process of the cartilage around the ribs or heart angina which may be felt as breast pain. Your soreness could be related to changes in your hormones but you should visit a hospital or your doctor for further evaluation.
Hi Sis Noe
My ex-boyfriend of three years cheated on me and now I am finding it difficult to trust my new boyfriend but he is proving to be such a darling. I check his texts and emails and I stalk him on Facebook. I know I should not do that but I find myself doing it. — Worried.
Reply
Yes, you will, but unfortunately it will take time. I always think that you should trust somebody until they let you down. This new man sounds lovely and he has not betrayed you, so please try to trust him until he makes a mistake, which I hope he won’t. You may risk losing him with your jealous or obsessive behaviour. It’s stressful being with somebody who doesn’t trust you or checks your texts and it’s not fair to do that to him just because some other bloke cheated. Perhaps you could tell him what happened with your ex and explain that you find it hard to trust people and that you are sorry if he is bearing the brunt of it. Hopefully, if he is a nice guy, he will reassure you that he won’t do the same thing. Not all men are cheats, remember.
Hi Sis Noe
I am thinking of leaving home. My mum and dad are fighting all the time and my younger brother and sister are too young to understand what is going on. I have got exams coming up. What can I do? — Stressed.
Reply
I am really sorry to hear this — it’s an awful situation to be in and I do feel for you. What can you do? Well, it’s not up to you to solve your parents’ problems — that is for them to sort out. But perhaps both of them need to hear how much their behaviour is affecting their children — all of them.
Just because your younger brother and sister “are too young to understand” — and I am not so sure about that — doesn’t mean they don’t find this frightening and disturbing. In fact, the more they may be presumed not to understand, the more they may be left in the dark to muddle through their own interpretations of what is going on. And that usually involves reaching a conclusion that it was their fault — because they were naughty or worthless.
So ask your mum and dad to hear you out and tell them — not as an accusation or in blame but a calm explanation — that their fighting is really hurting you. Say it’s none of your business why they fight, what they decide or what they do but you ask them to see someone who could help them deal with this in a way that is best for all of you.
Tell them you love them both. Tell them this must stop one way or other. And you need some help and support too. Speak with another relative — an aunt or grandparent — who won’t take sides or see it as their job to try to sort out your parents but realise what you need is a shoulder to cry on and someone to be there for you.
If you don’t have a suitable relative, what about the mum of a friend or a teacher? You should get help — you deserve it. Don’t even think of running away. But perhaps telling your parents that you, and your brother and sister, need some time out from suffering their problems could be the wake-up call they need. Find out if you could go and stay with a grandparent or aunt for a short time to give them space to come to some resolution.
Hi Sis Noe
I am in love with a man who said he loved me as a friend as he still loves his ex. He says he can be with me but I must not expect much. Should I accept such an arrangement? — Confused.
Reply
You are waiting for a bus that will never arrive. He is in love with someone who does not love him back, so he daydreams about how wonderful it would be if she returned his feelings. But I reality he is in love with nothing but a shadow and a thought. Don’t let that happen to you: back away fast and don’t join him in cloud-cuckoo land.
Hi Sis Noe
I am 30 and I have been single for five years. I have tried internet dating but the men I meet always say they are not ready for commitment. Where am I going wrong? — Worried.
Reply
Internet dating allows wishful thinking to dominate common sense. The guy who you meet online comes over as the one you wish him to be, instead of the one who is actually on offer. Such men, you meet on Facebook and so forth do it for fun and run away as soon as the fun ends. You should stop looking for a man and concentrate on your career or whatever you are doing. Buy new clothes, new shoes, change your whole wardrobe — in a nutshell redefine yourself. Before you know it the ideal man will be on your doorstep.
