The Sunday News
Hi Sis Noe
My boyfriend has a small penis. I don’t enjoy sex and I have had to fake orgasms. — Help.
Reply
Let’s get this out of the way first: Penis size isn’t everything when it comes to sex. For some people, it may be a total non-issue. That’s because not everyone relies on penetration for sexual satisfaction, and actually, most women don’t orgasm from penetration alone anyway.
That said, it’s normal to be a little caught off-guard if all of your previous sexual partners have been pretty similar, anatomically speaking, and this partner was smaller than average. And if you’re used to being with a well-endowed dude, that just might be your sexual preference — and there’s nothing wrong with that either.
You don’t need a bigger penis to have all of the orgasms, but it is a sexual preference just like anything else. This is something to remember any time you have sex with someone new: Nerves, anxiety, and pressure can all do a number on a guy’s erection, which might mean he’s not getting as hard as he could be.
This is actually totally normal — even for young men — especially if there’s not enough foreplay. It’s possible that as you become more comfortable with each other and have sex a few more times, you’ll find that his erections are actually stronger or longer. If you’re really wet, you might not feel as much sensation with a smaller-than-average penis. So I suggest you wipe away some of the excess lubrication and see what happens. Good luck.
Hi Sis Noe
My girlfriend cries during sex. She says it’s because she will be enjoying. I am afraid that I will be hurting her. — Worried.
Reply
Breaking into tears can sure seem intense in the moment. Sometimes those tears are a sign of it all being too much, but sometimes tears can be harmless, or even good! Plenty of women cry happy tears during sex. She might feel grateful that she feels safe enough with you to explore power-play.
She might feel relieved that you are giving her permission to go to places that she may have not considered before. Or she might simply be feeling a lot of love for you in that moment. If that’s the case, let her cry! It might be because she is in pain. But since she said she’s not in pain, accept her explanation.
Hi Sis Noe
I think my boyfriend is ashamed to be with me. He always insists that we meet away from the public. — Confused.
Reply
If I was you I would ask myself why I am still with a man who is ashamed of me. If someone cannot accept you for who you are then they don’t belong in your life. If you want me, you need to want all of me.
Hi Sis Noe
I was in an unhappy marriage and as a result I ended up having an affair with my friend’s husband. We have been together for a year now, but when I suggested that we leave our partners he ended things. I feel betrayed. — Betrayed.
Reply
I don’t know whether to be sorry or to say you deserve the betrayal. I am conflicted. Okay, lets get to the matter at hand. The situation you find yourself in now, reduced and defensive, can only be tackled by confronting honestly the choices you have made. I have enormous sympathy for your sense of betrayal at the hands of a married lover, but having betrayed your friend in order to experiment with her husband, you can’t be so shocked at the existence of deceit.
You should not have the good grace to say you were betrayed because to claim any sort of high ground here would be erroneous. He betrayed you, you betrayed your friend. There really isn’t much to choose from between you. Your friend’s husband was never your ticket to happiness.
You betrayed your friend and made a poor choice of a lover, both of which I’m afraid are entirely your responsibility. Surely it’s time to let go of whatever declarations were made in the height of the affair and take stock of your marriage instead. Friendship is precious, sometimes more so than romance, and you should think carefully in future before grasping whatever driftwood floats by, especially when someone else is already clinging to it. You are in an unhappy place, but at least some of it is of your own making. This man you are mourning has his bed to lie in. With the greatest respect, I suggest you find a more constructive way of clambering out of yours.
Hi Sis Noe
I am in love with a man who has a girlfriend. He had said he was unhappy and was going to leave her but now he has changed his mind. He said he loves me but he can’t leave her because she works and I don’t. I don’t know what to do. — Confused.
Reply
It’s your choice. Just look at the knots you are tying yourself up in trying to work out an acceptable narrative for his unacceptable behaviour. There are few qualities less attractive in men and this man of yours seems to be imbued with industrial quantities. Surely we can all agree that when you are being overlooked because you are not employed then it’s time to get real.
This is not the stuff of great love stories, but of ill-conceived dalliances, self-deceit and our deep desire to be wanted, often at any cost. I have no idea if he is genuine but even if he is the trouble is that his behaviour doesn’t make him any less of a bad man. In fact it increases my sense that this is a guy with little moral fibre and no ability to steer his own destiny — two qualities not at all appealing in a prospective partner.
I don’t really care why he is still with his girlfriend. Actions speak far louder than words — you are worthless to him. My advice is to tell him you will give him neither space nor time but intend to carry on with your own life, rising above his inability to make choices and setting your sights on someone who knows what they want and is prepared to make the sacrifices.
