The Sunday News
Christopher Mlalazi Lighterside
WELL, I drink, and sometimes more than I like. What about you, do you drink, or are strictly a teetotaller?
By the way, this is not a commercial for breweries or for the churches that frown on any kind of imbibing, but I just want to smile with you on how I started drinking — maybe we might learn a thing or two on how to take it easy when we see alcohol.
My first experience with beer was when I was still a child. Our father, when he was drinking at home, would let us taste a little amasese from his cup. And of course, as children, at that single sip, we would pretend we were now very drunk and reel around talking gibberish. It was fun.
But it was just those little sips, nothing more — a father showing his children love.
During the school holidays sometimes we went to the rural areas. I remember one such time, I think I was Grade Six or so, and we were in the rural areas, and it was Christmas.
The village drink that Christmas was at our home. I don’t know how it happened, I think I had one or too many stolen sips of the ‘‘seven days’’ that was on offer, and the next moment the earth seemed to be rushing up at my face.
I found myself lying face down on the ground. I had tried to get up on my feet, but once I was upright, the earth on that day seemed to be doing crazy things. It was dancing under my feet, and the horizon was an undulating wave.
Of course the contents of my stomach decided to volcano out of my mouth on their own volition. The next morning I woke up very sick.
Well, it was Christmas, and on that day we get away with many things that our normally strict parents would deny our partaking in them.
From that experience with the village ‘‘seven days’’, I never tasted alcohol again as a child until my early 20s, as I had learnt my lesson very well. I had not liked that experience at all.
It was when I was 24 years of age when I had my next romance with alcohol, which has gone on and off up to this day.
Before I was 24, I was strictly a Coca-Cola or Fanta man. I cannot say I hated alcohol, or did not like it, I just didn’t care about it. Even when I had money and we were out partying with friends, I would just stick to my soft drinks, but also manage to have as much fun as the drinking guys.
I think maybe I had the most fun at parties, drinking soft drinks than some who drank alcohol, because when most of them were drunk and gibberish, I would still be alert and enjoying myself totally.
And in the morning I would wake up strong and not complaining of a head or stomach ache.
I also went to bars with drinking friends, and while maybe I spent only two dollars on soft drinks and chips, they would be spending fortunes on their beers, and the really crazy ones spending their whole salaries.
Have you ever noticed that in bars alcohol drinkers would rather buy a non-drinker a soft drink than a fellow drinker a beer? And so, being in a bar and not drinking had its advantages.
And so, finally one day came the day when the barrier was forever shattered. We were at a party, and I was with a friend who was drinking beer. I was happy, the party was nice, and the weather favourable.
I must add that the party had really nice looking ladies. It was an end of year party at a friends’ workplace in town.
Almost all the ladies were drinking wine, and some beer.
And so, feeling a bit embarrassed that here I was drinking Coca-Cola when these nice career ladies were all drinking alcohol, I decided to get myself a glass of wine too, telling myself I would only drink one.
One became two, two became three, and the rest is history.
The fact is, the following weekend I found myself sitting in a bar in town coolly ordering beer and making new friends. The seat belts were fastened, and the journey had started.
Now I am an international drinker, I have sat in bars in Bulawayo, Johannesburg, Gaborone, Lusaka, Kampala, Accra, Nairobi, Los Angeles, Washington, New York, Berlin, Stockholm, Helsinki, and last but not least, in Plumtree, my home town.
But, don’t ever dare to drink and drive!
