The Sunday News
THE human brain loves love, being in love takes the lid off the happy hormones and the brain bathes in the bliss.
When the one you love leaves, the supply of feel good hormones takes a dive and the brain releases stress hormones.
Losing a relationship can throw you into a type of withdrawal, which is why it is hard to function your ache for your ex, sometimes literally, and can not get them out of your head. Like any addiction this will pass but only if you allow yourself. In a relationship, your mind, your body and the core of you adjust to being intimately connected to someone.
When that someone leaves you, the brain has to re-adjust, the pain can be relentless but eventually the body chemistry will change back to normal and the hurt will reduce. If a breakup was anything like a roller coaster the end would be visible from the start, you could say ‘‘no thanks’’ to the ride and at the end of it, save yourself the heartache.
The feeling, and words used during breakups are associated with physical pain hurt, ache and these best describe the pain of a relationship breakup and the emotional pain of a breakup and physical pain have something in common and they can really weigh us down and send us to bed each minute the pain decides to visit. You think you know someone . . . until they break your heart by cheating on you and leaving you for the other woman and you are left all alone to pick up the pieces.
This week our column is about a woman who was cheated on, dumped and left all alone with a shattered heart after confronting her partner about the other woman in his life, this is her story . . .
I had accepted that he cheated believing it was a random hook-up, thinking he was going to regret after I had confronted him about the other woman. Knowing he left me for someone else hurts a lot more, maybe this might not make sense but I can not explain it any better. It hurts a lot more because it makes me question everything! Basically everything he told me in happier times. I could not understand why my ex never expressed remorse for what he had done to me, just regret at what our families suffered.
He had always been extremely concerned about me while we were traditionally married, worried about my health, mental and physical state. He would always apologise every time he blew up. I was surprised at his coldness when I confronted him about the other woman in his life. He did say to me on various occasions that he felt “guilty” but he never apologised or showed any sympathy for my suffering.
I am having a really tough time with our recent breakup. We had been talking about our white wedding, kids and our future just a few weeks ago and then all of a sudden he stopped talking about it as much as we used to, and then after taking me out one night to celebrate my recent graduation, I confronted him about the other woman he was seeing.
The next day he phoned me while I was at work and told me we needed to talk. I was wondering what was so important that could not wait till we got back home. He then broke up with me telling me he loved to be with me but was not in love with me, that he had been feeling off about our relationship.
When I confronted him I knew he was with someone and I had already made peace with forgiving him and I was ready to move on from this cheating because I had forgiven him already. He said, “You got me, I am seeing someone else and I think it is only fair for me to leave you and not string you along, so it is over!”
I did not understand why he was then breaking up with me. I told him our confrontation meant nothing and I was ready to forgive him so we move on with our plans. I was completely ready to work on moving on with him, I loved him and I wanted to be with him and I was never going to let the other woman come between us.
He then insisted that the other woman was not the only reason why he was leaving me and told me that he did not even know if he was doing the right thing but he had stuff to figure out and needed time to think.
I was so torn apart and I felt a burning sensation on the back of my neck. I was hurt, shocked, heartbroken, furious, traumatised, upset and terrified, the list goes on and on. I was not sure what to do next, so I sat there at my desk in my office in a cloud for the rest of the afternoon.
I spent the next few hours lost somewhere I still cannot remember, assuming that since I had not shed a single tear, everything was just fine and he was going to call back and apologise for what he had just done.
I rushed home after I knocked off from work assuming that since he had not called back he would be waiting for me to get home so that we could talk things through in flesh. However, I have had to wait longer than I thought because he never came home to me that night and I knew it was really over because he did not even bother calling to find out how I was doing after he dropped a bomb on me earlier.
Later on that night I broke down, sobbing uncontrollably. My broken heart brought me closer to taking my own life.
They say everything happens for a reason, even bad things, but I truly do not believe that there could be a reason best for me to feel so much pain and have countless sleepless nights.
Going through a breakup is not an easy journey, by any means, and it is far from being easy, I am in so much pain and it is unbearable, it feels like going under the knife yet I am awake, aware, and very much alive and feeling every inch of pain on the operating table.
I know there is no going back now that he has moved on but deep down in my heart I am so upset, lost, heartbroken. I miss him so much, I honestly feel like I will never get over him, I was the happiest I have been with anyone in such a long time. I feel like I will never feel that way again and I am also scared I will never trust and love a man again.
Anyway I know it will take time and I might heal and be whole again but I do not know how I can get over this painful experience right now. I know I am not the first person to be cheated on and walked out on but it still hurts like hell and I do not know what to do and I thought it might help getting this off my chest and sometimes a stranger’s ear makes a difference than a familiar ear that will tell you the worst you can hear and go on about how I will find someone else, I do not want someone else I want him though he cheated and left me.
I was so good to him. I treated him like any man would want to be treated. I’m a good-looking girl with good morals and would have never done him wrong. I will never understand what she does better than me and I wish he could tell me and maybe I could fix it.
This breakup has been the hardest thing I have ever endured, but even through the sharp edges of my pain, I had my life all planned out and I wanted to be Beyoncé-style crazy in love. I wanted it all with him, in fact I still do but he left me with a broken heart and broken dream so, for now, I might need to listen to “Jar of Hearts” on repeat while lying in a pool of my tears which rain everyday when I think about what should have been until I decide to get up to dance to the next theme song of my life which seems so uncertain right now.
Getting through a breakup is as much a physical process as an emotional one. Remember that, and know that it will get easier. Keep going. You will get there someday. In the mean time continue to share your heartbreaking stories with us email [email protected].
