The Sunday News
I HOPE this week’s edition finds you well. After last week’s response on the column, “It’s tit for tat,” I realised that it seems a failed marriage or relationship can be compared to a festering cancerous wound that will never heal, inevitably leading to death. The level of anger that both men and women seem to exhibit after a trial version or an assumed marriage hits the floor, is shocking if not alarming. It seems after a failed marriage new enemies are born and some can take it as far as dancing on his/her ex lover’s grave, but really does it have to get to that point? That’s why in this week’s offering I decided to tackle the sole reason why ‘‘divorced’’ couples don’t see eye to eye.
Dancing on someone’s grave means celebrating when trouble befalls that person or even after the grimmer ripper has shown them the door to the afterlife. Why in the first place are break-ups so emotionally charged and even intense? Well, a certain survey showed that expectations and feelings robbed in a relationship are the main problem. While others were quick to hint that time lost is never gained and hence justifying that anger is then brought to the table over lost invested time. On the other hand a small group believes that mature people deal with break-ups amicably especially if children are involved.
Nevertheless, no matter which solution cupid can be subscribed for dealing with a breakup, it seems bitterness gets the lead. We have seen in some cases where it even gets physical, how bad it can be. Despite being the wronged party, women and men should be in a position to accept the life fact that the story is over. One should start focusing in his/her life rather than wasting energy and plotting when fate or karma would give them a chance to dance on their ex’s grave.
Mostly aggrieved parties in a relationship are the ones who prefer serving revenge on their partners in China plates. Of course, your bitterness can be understandable to a certain extent, but is it worth the effort? Does revenging on your ex who wronged you improve your next relationship? No!!!! I thought as much. That’s why it’s something I wouldn’t recommend. Holding vengeance against someone who failed to be loyal or let alone trustyworthy, to build something fruitful with is pointless if not an unchallenged display of mediocrity. It’s not worth the effort just focus on yourself and plan about your future.
We have seen a number of people who go out of the way to fix their partners, just to make sure they get hurt somewhere somehow. Some men have a tendency of leaking their ex lovers nudes so that they appear as if they have lose morals. In fact, it does not only injure your ex’s reputation, but displays the man’s stupidity and no smart women will want to play with you. Some men just take away their presents, if he had bought you a car, he will make sure he takes it away and leaves you back to being a pedestrian. All this is done just to make sure the ex feels some pain.
On the other hand, women are quick to curse the ex’s wishing them dead. Is it really worth it? Just walk out of someone’s life quietly because as Africans we believe the power in words. Whatever you say, will be forever used against you. This is the reason you find most men blaming their ex’s for unfortunate incidents in their lives and some women have become to be called witches because of what they said to their ex’s at a certain time out of anger.
There is more to life than waiting for the day you will get a chance to dance on your partner’s grave. Just make sure you do not repeat the same mistake. The reason why people make the same mistake of starting a relationship bound to fail, is probably the fact that they make decisions blinded by anger and need to tone down emotional outrage. Of which this is the point we have to argue that waiting to dance on your ex’s grave might as well be the very reason you will never have a progressive relationship. Thus you have to let go? Let go of the anger. Sit down take your time and patch your broken heart until it’s in a steady emotional position to make better decisions. After all, we learn from our mistakes, but don’t be blinded to let emotions fail you to observe what you need to improve and be a better partner.
Take the past and burn it up, lift your head and carry on because you are stronger than you will ever know!
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