The Sunday News
Nhalwehlwe Ncube
LOVE is a choice we must make every day and it is unfortunate that at times it leaves some with broken hearts. Heartbreaks are part of life and I have realised one deadly mistake one can ever make is tying the knot with someone who would have already made it clear that you are not his/her number one person.
Don’t marry if you are not his/her top priority!
If you get into a relationship where you are the second best, you will never know happiness and tears will be your food as you will be starved of love and attention. In such a relationship, the final blow will be heartbreak.
Truth be told, ranking anything ahead of your spouse is the most surefire way I know to create mistrust and instability in a marriage which often leads to divorce and unhappiness for parties involved. It is everyone’s dream to come first in her/his partner’s life. Prioritising anyone or anything over your wife or husband kills the spark in the relationship.
In marriage, either your spouse is #1, or you’re doing it wrong! This is just the truth, if you check most failed relationships it was because someone prioritised all kinds of unnecessary things such as business, friends, job and family ahead of his/her partner and it resulted in a failed relationship.
If your partner is putting something ahead of your marriage, know that you are up for disaster in the long run. Yes, this is one of the uncomfortable issues to discuss in a relationship in fear that your partner will accuse you of being selfish. You must speak out otherwise you will find yourself lonely as he/she will always be spending quality time with other people.
At times it is not all about time, but if you do not push enough you will find out that he/ she make sacrifices for other people thinking that you are fine with your second position while in fact it will be eating you up. There are some people who will always make sure that they go out of their way to meet up their parents and friends expectations. If you ask them, they will tell you that my wife or husband understands when it comes to my family or friends, I give it all. In real life, there is no such thing, but someone somewhere will be suffering in silence.
If your children mean more to you than your partner and you believe catering for their needs at the expense of your partner’s is the right thing to do, then I think your marriage is a ticking time bomb. (NOTE: I’m writing specifically about married mothers and fathers with babies together. I think it’s both fair and proper for divorced or otherwise single parents to prioritise their children over people they are dating when there’s still uncertainty about whether marriage is in the future).
If more people entered marriage committed to this idea of putting their spouse first and why it’s such an important mindset, I think a lot more marriages would go the distance because they would never deteriorate to begin with. There is nothing as painful as being second best in a relationship and most people can bear some other challenges in the marriage, but not being treated as the least important.
If you are not that special, you will find that even in serious decisions you are not consulted and some important things you get to be the last person to hear, it is even worse when you get updates from an outsider about what your partner is up to.
Such things clearly shows your position and that your partner can do without you which is a really turn-off.
When you put your spouse first, it shows that you honour your parents and children as well. They will find that there is joy at your home as their grandchildren are well cared for. A happy couple is a happy family. You honour your children when you put your spouse first. You teach them that they are, in fact, NOT the centre of the universe and that the best way to live is to be aware of other people’s needs. You teach them what marriage is supposed to look like. You provide a safe and unbreakable home. You provide a lifelong foundation from which to build their future.
You honour yourself when you put your spouse first because you are living for something greater than yourself and are less likely to die alone. Your parents will pass away one day. It will be hard. You will carry on because your spouse is always first and he or she will carry you through the grief and transition. You will provide the same support for her or him.
Your children will move out one day. It will be hard. You’ll carry on because your spouse is always first and he or she will carry you through the major life adjustments and you will provide the same support for her or him.
When you put your spouse first, you will have every reason to wake up seeking purpose and adventure. Get married to someone who puts you first and avoid living a life full of regrets and pain!
@nhlancube66
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