The Sunday News
Yoliswa Dube, Sunday Life Writer
A MAN’S financial strength always seems to be on the check list for many women as they search for “Mr Right”.
They seem to have put a price tag on their love. He better be able to buy her Brazilian hair, pay for her manicure and pedicure as well as spend on her wardrobe.
If he’s man enough, he’s got to take her out to expensive hang out spots and once in a while on weekend getaways. Of course in order for him to be able to take road trips with her, he has to own a car. Not any kind of car — a certain kind. The kind that will not be embarrassing for her to get off in her Christian Louboutin heels.
Some women don’t seem to care that times are tough. The country’s economic environment is unfriendly and not every man can afford to be a “blesser”. The blesser phenomenon, which took the country and beyond by storm fuels transactional sex.
A blesser is what some have described as the modern day sugar daddy except he doesn’t necessarily have to be old. The term blessee came to be after young women — most who are jobless — would post pictures of themselves sipping cocktails on the beach, popping bottles in the club or at holiday resorts using the hashtag #blessed on social media.
A “blesser” (giver) blesses his “blessee” (recipient) with anything from money and weaves to overseas holidays and designer clothing and accessories. When you have a “blesser” then your life is blessed financially.
But the reality on the ground is that only a meager percentage of the country’s male population can afford sponsoring their women’s lavish lifestyles.
“It’s the men that have too much pride, they don’t want to communicate. They don’t want to admit that the economy is bad and they can’t afford certain things.
“I can’t be budgeting for him if he hasn’t told me that he can’t afford — while the economy is bad, there’re men who’re financially stable,” said Samantha Sibanda, a Bulawayo resident.
Men, she said, are in the habit of trying to impress their women despite the financial implications.
“If the guy communicates that he’s got nothing, I don’t think any woman in their right mind would continue pressurising him. The problem is men want to sell us dreams and we take advantage of that,” said Sibanda.
Some men take pride in being the “blessed” one in the relationship. They take advantage of hardworking and independent women who are only looking for love and affection and ask for no financial favours.
“The last straw for me was when he asked me to bring a pizza to his house because he was too lazy to cook. I couldn’t believe it! He was only interested in the visit because of how it would be of benefit to him,” said another woman, Thandiwe Ncube.
On several occasions, she said, her man had insisted they eat out but would never pick up the tab.
“He was constantly making me pay for our takeaway bills and was always asking me to drive him places. Not all women are after money — there are men out there who are dependent on their women’s financial muscle,” said Ncube.
This kind of relationship alters the balance of power, she said.
“Such a man will never marry you because he knows if you’re not there financially, he’s nothing. He doesn’t want you to have such power over him. Men like to be in control, they like to be seen to be doing something. That’s why he’ll choose a woman who’ll be dependent on him as a wife,” said Ncube.
Women, men said, must be reasonable when making financial demands. They sometimes lose sleep due to nagging girlfriends and wives who will not rest until the man honours what they think are his financial obligations.
“If you’re feeding off of my pocket, will I not be benefiting from you as well? Odliwayo ngulowo ongadliyo (The man who complains of financial drain is one that isn’t getting sex),” said Raymond Dube.
It’s a two way street, he said.
“If she’s going to be demanding money from me, she better be ready to oblige me of my demands.”
