The Sunday News
Varaidzo Chidzuu
THE earth is abundant with nitrogen and stupidity the same way it overflows with married people. Love is supposed to be the very foundation of this sacred union established by God Himself; yet one glance at the headlines you see shows that it is not rocket science that marriage has become a battlefield. Many of those who are supposed to be in love are tearing at each other’s throats.
The married college student is very much susceptible to these trials and tribulations this commitment brings.
There are two types of married college students I have come across in the course of my college days. The first type is the openly married; that is; the kind of person who flaunts their wedding ring and even if there is no ring and the marriage is probably customary in many cases; this person usually talks about their spouse. Even their WhatsApp profiles scream “I am married!”
The “I am married” student is engrossed with issues that have to do with his or her home and usually stays with the spouse. Many female students who fall into this bracket are home students for control purposes and security reasons.
The very few who stay at campus have a very good reason for leaving home; otherwise there is no man unwary enough to let such an abomination occur in a place other than their dreams. The studying father; commonly known as the “family guy” and compassionately addressed as “Mdara/Mdala” seldom creates any meaningful attachments.
All there is in the words he utters is business, wisdom and small talk in the exact order I have given.
And then there is the secretly married whom I would like to call the undercover brother/sister for this particular article. Although I have the understanding that some do it to blend in with the crowd so that they do not feel alienated because of their status; most of them are vipers waiting to strike. This is the kind of spouse who removes the wedding band the very second they step out of house and assumes the role of a lone ranger or what some would like to call free agent. Most lone rangers come from distant towns and begin to live a carefree life. News that they are married gets known by default not by design. Besides the give away factors like age or at least a wedding ring that has probably been shoved away under a bush somewhere, only to be put back on closing day; there is no way one can tell whether another college student is married or not.
There is a catalogue of woes that follow every college student, but double-trouble for the married ones. To them; whether one is crawling out of a dark corner like a worm or shining proudly like a brand new coin in the sun; one fact still remains — college is not only a place where knowledge is acquired, but an arena where the status of their families can be uplifted and improved for the better. The difficulty most married students face is endurance till the end as there are many wicked obstacles that get in the way of that one very important goal.
The world has always been known to be a cruel place; but mostly to women and children. The classroom is one area where intellectual strengths are tested with the weak forever at the mercies of the mental giants. Most married ladies unfortunately make the largest percentages of the abused students in class. Every day they have to smile at heartrending comments passed by rude callous male lecturers and endure the disrespect thrown at them by perverse classmates. I believe that most of these women are very intelligent, but the many responsibilities they have weigh them down to the extent that one cannot even finish a simple assignment or misses out on an important examination.
Although most times, we single students accuse them of being lazy; we tend to forget that before that woman is a student; she is first a wife and a mother. Comments like “why help another man’s wife?” and “what gain is there in helping a married woman?” to say the least are not encouraging. I guess this is the reason why some women pull the undercover sister act so as to spare their dignity by concealing their marriages from virulent animosity.
Besides the humiliating remarks there is the additional burden of the stalking husband for the resident student. In the guise of care these insecure men haunt their wives everyday at busy hours when she is supposed to be concentrating in class — ignoring phone calls is a grave offence deserving death. As if this is not enough some of these so-called husbands just drop in unexpectedly like a mango falling from a tree in an attempt to catch her in the act of doing something wrong. A clever form of surveillance which works wonders is (for the non-resident) when the husband goes as far as selling his phone so that they could share hers. This gives him enough room to pry into her business while he uses “their” phone.
Many married men usually take part-time studies and are students who are hard-working. They seem to do quite well in class and often do not have to suffer the humiliation their female counterparts go through. However, it is not a bed of roses for these men; balancing finances can prove to be an earth-moving task especially if he is the only breadwinner. When they enter the conventional mode of study in the form of apprentices disaster strikes as the majority of them are sent far away from home and their point of leverage. For these men it means that the control of the entire family finances is left in the hands of the wife which is good as long as she is able to tactfully manage them.
In numerous cases these are the guys who look impoverished as every cent is kept for the upkeep of the family.
College to the married students regardless of gender can prove to be a testing ground for the strength of their marriages as the winds of infidelity blow on the bridges connecting them to their spouses. Mature and veteran students tend to be more resistant to this cataclysm compared to the first year students. For the married men it is the young beautiful damsel who is always willing to listen to his sorrows and shows constant appreciation towards his help. And for the women it is mostly the kind hearted lecturer or the unsuspecting guy who is always helpful and gentle towards her.
Married students especially those who stay far from home cheat on their spouses out of boredom and simply because they can. Since they would be studying in a different town the probability of getting caught is very slim and the role of undercover brother/sister is assumed comfortably. Sometimes unexpectedly; college becomes a turning point for others as they meet other people who are supposedly better than their spouses in terms of finances, literacy and even looks. It is saddening to note that many happy marriages end this way as a mere fling turns into something more serious and detrimental to another person’s life.
When I was a first year; I heard a touching story of a young wife who left her husband for a wealthy man’s son. The man begged the mother of his child to come back to her senses, but she was very adamant because of the ill-advice she got from her greedy mother, who only saw dollar signs. To this man’s mortification she got remarried to the wealthy man’s son and had a plush white wedding: a bitter pill to swallow and a rude slap in the face. In the same light; I witnessed the unveiling of a serial adulterer after he had impregnated a young lady. For the four years he had been at college, busy lying to young women and breaking their hearts; nobody knew he had a wife and two children at home. News that he was married broke out after one woman he impregnated was dumped at his house.
For 40 hard years the children of Israel wandered in the wilderness; many were lost along the way, but still they managed to reach the promised land. Such is the condition of the married student; although the hardships of college life may weigh you down (sometimes to the point of giving up) the goal of graduating is close. Keep your eyes on the target — your marriage must not suffer because of that.
Varidzo Chidzuu is a Computer Systems Engineering student at Bulawayo Polytechnic Contacts: [email protected]
