The Sunday News
OVER the past weeks I have written about endometriosis and some of its physical aspects. Endometriosis affects so many different aspects of a woman’s life, physical, emotional and even fiscal. Today we will delve into endo and its effects on relationships.
I have had endo since I was 17 years old, so my parents have had to deal with it for that long too, as well as my brother and other family members. The most difficult thing is that people assume that sick has a look. It certainly doesn’t. I can be glowing but feel physically terrible. It is extremely hard to explain how you are feeling to your loved ones especially if you “look fine”.
Because they see you all the time and get used to your situation, sometimes it may seem like they are ignoring you but I have come to the conclusion that it too overwhelms them as well, seeing you suffering.
Endometriosis treatments are also very expensive and so are the operations. This can put a strain on finances and in turn affect the relationship you have with people who are paying for your treatment. In most instances endometriosis can prevent a woman from working so she cannot pay her bills on her own.
Remember your family members just want to see you well so if they seem frustrated it’s not because of you, it is because of the demands of the situation. Sometimes however, family members actually think the condition is not serious and they do not help even when they can. Nobody wishes to be in pain so it is important that family tries to understand and even researches the disease. Apathy and ignorance can be very dangerous.
Endometriosis also affects the relationships a woman has with her friends. I absolutely had a hard time in high school as my time compromised going to the sickbay and explaining my symptoms to the school nurse. I became very withdrawn because girls my age spoke about age appropriate things while my mind was consumed with seeing doctors and what medications to take. I also took a water bottle to school almost daily, many people didn’t understand that.
Consequently I didn’t have many friends. Even today the people who really get me are other women who have endometriosis, some of whom I have never met but communicate with online. I do have many people who love and care about me but they don’t always understand that I can’t make a date then shut me out completely.
I speak for many women out there with endometriosis that we want nothing more to be like other young people and we want to be normal. We pray for the one day that we wake up with no pain. Many times we see pictures of friends and it breaks our heart to see that they have forgotten us or probably assume we can’t make it anyway.
The next relationship I am about to talk about might be the most difficult, the relationship between a woman with endometriosis and her partner/spouse. These are the people who stick by us the most especially if you are married. Women who are married often find themselves being called “lazy” or “useless” by family members of the spouse because they can’t understand why their daughter-in-law can’t perform like daughter-in-laws.
There is an intense amount of pressure. Moreover in African families that pay a bride price, there are comments about “paying for nothing” either from the spouse or the family member. Another issue that I will discuss in length another time is the issue of endometriosis and infertility.
If a woman cannot have a child it also puts a strain on the marriage and the woman sometimes receives disrespect from family members. Endometriosis can affect anyone and unfortunately people don’t get it, until they get it.
A relationship with a partner is also similar. Sometimes they can be ridiculed because their girlfriend is always away and not be about the town like other girls. Arguments surface as well when we have to cancel outings and cannot be out with our partners. It makes us feel guilty and sometimes even inadequate because we feel we do not do enough.
When partners are out having fun we wish they could just be with us but we have to remind ourselves that they cannot suffer because of our condition. Sometimes it is even our partners who may say the wrong thing concerning our conditions and it cuts very deep.
One thing I do know is that most times they too are frustrated and are overwhelmed by the situation. It is important to evaluate what position some comments are coming from. Do they really mean it? Is the negativity constant? Or are they just having a moment? Some women actually fear entering into a relationship because they feel they will not be loved because of their condition. I however, believe everyone deserves love no matter what their limitation may be.
I could go on and on but the one thing I would like for my readers to get from this piece is that support is the best gift you can offer a person going through chronic pain or endometriosis. They are trying and their one wish is to do more, and be more.
We can fight this, but together. Have a blessed week. Ta!
