The Sunday News
Shamiso Dzingire
TWENTY-FOUR year old Lisa Mangena (not her real name) has been in a “transaction relationship” with a 38-year-old married man for over three years.
Mangena, a fourth year student at a local university, was attracted to this lifestyle by the material benefits associated with this type of relationship, likened to a form of prostitution because it involves female students engaging in sexual intercourse with older, financially stable, and usually married, men in exchange for money and other material gains.
“Sex is just a small price to pay for all the material things I get out of this relationship,” Mangena said.
“Like some relationships that I’ve had in the past, this one will come to pass. I am certain that it won’t affect my future in any way,” she added, before showing off a Samsung cell phone which her “lover” bought her for her birthday in January.
Mangena is one of many female college students in the country who trade sex for money and other material benefits. Like many students engaging in long-term transactional relationships, she is oblivious to the consequences associated with the nature of such relationships.
Interviewed students said these were temporary arrangements meant to cushion their university lifestyles and would not affect them in the near future.
“I will cross that bridge if I ever get there. Should my past come back to haunt me, I will face it. I can’t live my life worrying about things that might happen in the future.”
Another student, Nontokozo Sibanda (not her real name) from the Bulawayo Polytechnic College, likened exchange relationships to conventional ones where she maintained that sexual exchanges occurred, though under the guise of love.
Sibanda said: “I see this as a normal relationship that everyone else engages in. The only difference is that I exchange sex for money and not because I am in love with my partner.”
“How then can this relationship possibly have a bearing on my future?” Sibanda quizzed, before adding: “It’s as good as asking me how my ex-boyfriends will psychologically affect me in the future. When I am done with him, he will be nothing but an ex- to me.”
However, psychologists and counsellors painted a different picture about the consequences of engaging in exchange relationships which, they said, most students were unaware of.
Tholakele Ndebele, a trainee counsellor said society labelled women who used their sexuality in exchange for money and other material benefits.
“Once it’s known that you were trading sex for money with older men, society will judge and call you a prostitute, and this dents your reputation as a woman. In some cases, one may fail to get married because society does not forgive such transgressions.”
Ndebele also warned that female students risked getting infected with HIV/Aids and other sexually transmitted infections (STIs) at a young age.
She added: “Should they find themselves testing positive for HIV in their twenties, they spend the better part of their lives regretting the decisions they made while they were at college. The regret takes a toll on their psychological well-being as they constantly wonder who infected them amongst the many men that they slept with.”
A 2015 UNAIDS Global Aids Report indicated that 4.1 percent of young people aged between 15-24 are living with HIV/Aids and that 15 percent of young women aged 15-19 have had sexual intercourse with a man 10-years older.
Statistics also show that HIV prevalence rate is high amongst women aged between 15-24 years. Sexual intercourse with older men has been cited as one of the contributing factors to the high prevalence rate amongst this age group, as young women are exposed to older men who are more likely to have HIV, or hold the power in a relationship.
Mbongeni Nyadza, a psychologist, said engaging in long term exchange relationships may result in low of self- esteem and loss of self-worth and self-confidence because women may get used to being dominated by powerful men.
“Women who lack self-esteem and confidence are prone to manipulation, emotional and physical abuse,” Nyadza said. “Some may choose to never get married because they become insecure and develop trust issues as a result of having these affairs,” he said, adding that some women may choose to become mistresses for fear of being hurt. In extreme cases, Nyadza said, women could develop mental health problem and even be diagnosed with depression, whose underlying causes may be traced back to their early relationships.
“Unfortunately, in Zimbabwe, conditions like depression usually go undiagnosed and untreated,” Nyadza said. “Therefore, we can never fully comprehend the effects of exchange relationships.”
Although it is generally understood that female students engaging in transactional relationships are at the mercy of their older partners and are powerless to negotiate for safe sex, interviewed students illuminated a different side to the nature of these relationships.
They maintained that they were not victims and that exchange relationships were generally misunderstood.
Sibanda said: “I don’t dispute that there are students who are unable to negotiate for safe sex. But I have never found myself in such a situation. I value my life and my health more than money. I can’t afford to jeopardise my health and my future over things that I may afford one day,”
She added: “Using protection has never been an issue for me because my lover made it clear that he is not willing to have a child outside marriage or risk infecting his wife with HIV; that’s why we protect ourselves.”
Sibanda hopes to end her transactional relationship of two years when she graduates and is able to fend for herself because, like most girls her age, she wishes to get married.
“I want to get married one day and have children of my own because I can’t stay in this relationship forever as it is just a temporary arrangement,” she said.
However, Nyadza said getting out of these relationships without first addressing the underlying causes of why female students engaged in them in the first place was difficult.
“It’s a continuous cycle that may be hard to break,” he said.
The writer is a journalism student at the National University of Science and Technology.
