The Sunday News
Nhlalwenhle Ncube
LOVE is a tricky business!
Some people come into your life for a reason, some a season and some a lifetime. It is unfortunate that at times one finds him or herself in a long-time relationship loving the wrong person. This is one sad love story with a bitter ending.
Loving someone “who is not right for you” can be painful. Of course love is a word with a strange and heavy weight. When the word is mentioned, all that comes to mind is hand holding and sharing happy moments with someone. It is all about giving and receiving love!
It is sad to be in a relationship with someone who acts disinterested as you will always be hurt. It is better to suffer heartache once than to have it for the rest of your life as you cling on loving the wrong person.
Some people always hope and pray that one day their partners will start appreciating their love and give it back, but it never happens. They continue in the abusive relationship and embrace the pain. It is always a difficult thing to tell someone to his or her face that they are wasting time by being in certain relationships.
Someone might ask, how do I get to a point to conclude that I am in love with the wrong person? It is when you love someone with all your heart, do things no other person would do for anyone else, but they just don’t reciprocate. Everything will just be one-sided. Even when all this is happening, you get to notice and try to justify their actions.
However, there are days when it hits so hard and you suffer heartbreak. Tears become your food, but still you fail to stop loving that person. There are even those who tied the knot who are loving the wrong people as they are always emotionally unavailable. They choose to be distant and you become more of a roommate more than anything. Even when there is a lot you want to do for them, it seems they do not want your love.
Neither do they want to be involved in your life. They have absolutely no interest in you. They don’t know what you want from life or the relationship and don’t even care. If your husband or wife has no interest in knowing what you want to do in life, or how you are feeling, know that by loving him too much you are just hurting yourself.
Love isn’t what you feel for someone; it is about how someone else makes you feel about yourself. There are couples who struggle to have a simple conversation as the other party not only misses what the other one will be saying, but every time they start talking, a misunderstanding erupts. I know someone who was forced to move out of the matrimonial home because every time he tried talking to the wife even about simple things, it turned out to be a war and he had to accept that the woman had fallen out of love and by loving her, he was just wasting his time.
You get to know that you have been loving the wrong person despite the fact that even if you have been in a relationship for a long time, you will still not know a lot about them. Their whole life will be a mystery to you, a world they just do not let you in.
Always know that loving your personal space is one thing and shutting someone out is another. In a normal relationship, you share a lot, but if your partner keeps you in the dark of what is happening, the love could be one-sided.
They will take you for granted so much that it will even bruise your self-respect. And if that is the case, walking out is the best option, for some people never change. For example, you find a wife getting to know about her husband’s deals from other family members and such things hurt and it is one of the signs of ‘‘dead’’ love.
Every relationship has its downs and ups. But if two people connect with each other on the root level and have respect for each other, most fights get resolved with time. But if even the thought of making it work leaves you exhausted, you are probably stuck with the wrong person.
If the coming home of your partner becomes a nightmare and you are not happy with the way you are treated in the relationship as your partner seems not to care or acknowledge your efforts, better accept life’s fate than continue wasting your love on someone who does not deserve you. It is unfortunate that when all these things are happening in relationships, people tend to turn to friends for comfort, getting to enjoy the company of friends more than their partners’.
You also know you are directing your love to the wrong person when they try to change and mould you into the person they want you to be and for a long time you obliged with the hope of being loved, but you are not getting it and now do not even like what you are becoming.
On the other hand, you do not even remember the last time you shared a “good moment” with your “loved” one. Instead you have always been busy in resolving conflicts and arguments since forever; the romance has almost ceased to exist! As much as you want it to work, at the back of your mind you already know the future isn’t too bright either.
It is better to accept life’s fate no matter how painful it can be than to continue loving a wrong person as that means heartache forever!
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