The Sunday News
Pastor Kilton Moyo
ONE huge setback in our culture or society is the unwillingness to be open about our challenges in marriage. We are so closed up and suffer many things from issues that can be solved by merely talking about them openly.
My desire surely is to help us couples be open to one another about our challenges. One huge challenge faced in marriage is Erectile Dysfunction (ED) which we generally call impotence. I know also that as church we are not very open about sexual challenges in marriage and we just let things go. Many couples in the church are suffering silently from such issues and if we were to be open enough, you will discover that your situation is not necessarily what you think. It can be resolved.
There are couples that are in conflict because of ED challenges. Some go to the extent of divorcing or even committing adultery. Erectile Dysfunction can be embarrassing to think about, but the more you know, the better you can prevent it from happening and dealing with it when it does. ED does not make you a lesser man. In most cases it is not your fault. We need perhaps to take away the myths and stigma around it so couples can understand and help each other. As a couple what do you do when the fire power seems to be gone? What do you do when there is an erectile load shedding? Do you fight each other, divorce or seek to help each other? Well, the choice is yours but my encouragement to couples faced with this is not to be ashamed to discuss and seek help. Sometimes we overcome problems by laughing at them and at us too.
There are many contributions to failure to achieve or maintain an erection in men. These include both emotional and physical disorders. Research shows an estimated 50 percent of men aged 40 to 70 experience some ED. Understanding the most common potential causes can help a man identify why he may be experiencing the condition. So, instead of fighting try to understand the causes and it becomes easier to contain the condition out of love and understanding.
What could be the causes?
I made a little research and there are five common causes. If you see your medical doctors they can explain these to you. Things like endocrine diseases like diabetes can cause impotence. It affects the body’s ability to utilise the hormone insulin. Chronic diabetics’ causes nerve damage which affects the penis sensations. Several neurologic conditions can increase the risk for impotence. Nerve conditions affect the brain’s ability to communicate with the reproductive system. This can prevent a man from achieving an erection. I also found out something interesting that long-distance bicycle riders can also experience temporary impotence. This is because repeated pressure on the buttocks and genitals can affect the function of the nerves.
Taking certain medications can affect blood flow, which can lead to ED. Conditions that affect the heart and its ability to pump blood well can cause impotence. Without enough blood flow to the penis, a man can’t achieve an erection. High cholesterol and high blood pressure (hypertension) are also associated with increased risks for impotence.
If a man has an emotional disorder, this affects his ability to become sexually excited. Depression and anxiety are associated with increased risk for impotence. Depression is a feeling of sadness, loss of hope, or helplessness. Worse so in our context when many husbands are losing their jobs and depression creep in. Fatigue related to depression can also cause impotence. Performance anxiety can be another cause of impotence. If a man wasn’t able to achieve an erection in the past, he may fear he won’t be able to achieve an erection in the future. This gets worse when the wife mocks them. Abuse of drugs can also cause impotence. Alcohol abuse and alcoholism can also affect a man’s ability to achieve or maintain an erection.
How can we minimize the damage?
See your doctor soon. I know that from a cultural point of view it is not being “a man” to see doctors over such issues. I think you are better off talking to medical people before you worsen your situation.
Eat and exercise well. Some of us are overweight and have too much fat in our bodies.
Be open about your condition. Do not be ashamed to seek advice or to talk to others about it. As a couple talk about the condition and try to help each other.
Let the church talk openly about these things. If the church does, society would open up and we will help many people who due to lack of knowledge and advise, hurt themselves and others when faced with this. We will also protect many marriages that are affected and destroyed by such simple things.
When your husband is affected by an ED, try your best to make him excited and build his confidence. Do not mock him or complain and make him feel guilty and inadequate. I think when you get closer and encourage him the period of suffering will be minimised. Such trying periods should unite the couple and teach you to fight as a team. Remember it could be you next with a condition. How would you want to be treated?
As I have said, my prayer is to see couples open up and talk so they can help themselves and be helped also. ED is not a divorce issue and is not a license to commit adultery. It can be corrected and it all depends on what you want as a couple.
I pray healing to all my brothers out there going through this phase. Perhaps we can hear from the elderly “boys”. How did they handle this?
Kilton Moyo is creator of Fruitful Marriages, a renewal and enrichment programme and is pastor, counsellor and author of The Sex Trap. Call or WhatsApp on +263 775337207, +263 772610103 or +263 712384841. [email protected]
