The Sunday News
SEX is a vital tool in any marriage; it is the only thing you uniquely share with your spouse that you do not share with anyone else in life. So sex is the only thing that sets you and your spouse apart from simply being roommates. It is an important part of marriage and as partners you need to communicate and make your needs and desires known. Just avoid doing guess work in the bedroom, it kills everything. Not only does sex set you and your spouse apart from simply being roommates, it also requires a deeper level of communication that you do not normally do with just anyone.
Sex requires you to talk to each other about intimacy, emotional as well as important things. To have a truly intimate experience with your spouse, you need to tell your spouse where you like to be touched, and make requests for certain things. This requires that you both feel at comfort with each other.
It requires you to both become very vulnerable by asking, receiving and giving intimately. It requires you to reach a deeper level of trust that your spouse will respond to your requests without being judgmental and that you too can comfortably do just about anything in the bedroom. To be able to talk to your spouse in this kind of vulnerable intimacy creates a unique connection that you simply cannot have with anyone else without becoming sexual. This kind of intimate talk and physical touch creates passion in your relationship too. It tells your spouse that you think of him or her as more than just a friend.
You think of your relationship as something deeper. This unique connection that lovers have creates vibrancy, passion and romance between the two of you that you cannot create in any way other than sexually.
Married couples should not be too holy for the bedroom, even the Bible says, “From the beginning of creation, God made them male and female.” It goes on to declare, “For this cause a man shall leave his father and mother, and shall cleave to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh” (Mark 10: 6-8, quoting Genesis 1: 27 and 2: 24). It seems only natural to assume that sexual union is central to the process being described. Although the Bible did not spell it out we all know the vital reason for cleaving and why sex is sacred and only for married people.
I know there is much more to marriage than sex, as people often rightly suggest. Nevertheless, the sexual act is the focal point, the symbol, and the physical expression of the leaving, the cleaving, and the becoming one flesh define the very essence of marriage. To put it in another way, there is a vital sense in which sex is the glue that uniquely bonds a husband and wife together.
Sexual union places their relationship in a category apart from any other human relationship. We take it for granted that this bond is always in view in passages like Ephesians 5: 31 and Revelation 21: 2, whether it’s expressly stated or not please take time to read it. Still on that note we should add that the apostle Paul never described marital sex as a “chore.” What he does say is that married people need to learn how to put their spouses’ needs and interests ahead of their own.
He declares, the wife’s body does not belong to her alone but also to her husband. In the same way the opposite is true, the husband’s body does not belong to him alone but also to his wife. Do not deprive each other except by mutual consent and for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer or whatever it is that requires both of you to have a mutual agreement of not engaging in sex. Then after that come together again so that satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.
Women, as much as men, want sex. Most men would rather go out and clip the hedge in the freezing rain than make love to a wife who appears to be responding out of duty. Again, keeping in mind that what he wants most is for you to desire him, try to see this rejection issue from the man’s point of view.
If we agree but do not make an effort to get really engaged with the man we love, he hears us saying, “You are incapable of turning me on even when you try, and I really do not care about what matters deeply to you.”
On the other hand if we do not agree at all, but throw out the classic, “Not tonight, honey,” he hears, “You are so undesirable that you cannot compete with my nice fluffy pillow . . . and I really do not care about what matters deeply to you.” Although we might just be saying we do not want sex at that point in time, he hears the much more painful message that we do not want him.
Men, in order for you to also score big in the bedroom be more generous and giving, this means setting aside your own needs and focusing more on what she needs. This may mean helping around the house and with the children more. It could also mean honouring her feelings when she needs a good night’s rest or bringing home flowers or surprise gift, you will see the thank you that comes with that!
Being resentful or complaining that she is not meeting your needs, is not showing love and it makes you appear to be unloving. Remember, women must feel emotionally safe and totally admired, accepted and cherished for every part of who they are before they can give sex as an expression of love. When you give more to them, they will want to give more to you. (If she doesn’t respond to this, there are deeper issues at play.)
Let’s keep talking love, sex and money; email [email protected]
