The Sunday News
Love Sex & Money
HAVE you ever wondered what it takes to fall in love? As millions of people across the world celebrate Valentine’s Day, seeking the perfect opportunity to tell that special someone those three magical words, as a global market researcher I would definitely say I have the answer, money! And while the romantics who probably only exist in fantasy land will still insist that you can’t put a price tag on love, they need to catch up the wake-up call and accept that money does buy love, believe you me, I am a true testimony at least, I think.
The Internet, kitchen parties, married couples get-together times, and all those times people get to talk about are brimming with money tips for newly-weds. Open a joint account, talk about your money values, budget for children and all that. While this is all sound advice, these talks often ignore a simple truth: your money relationship doesn’t begin when you walk down the aisle. It starts on your very first date, it is a known factor that people always want financial security and that is a fact that cannot be ignored.
The problem with us people is, rather than discussing finances in romantic relationships, we tend to quickly and quietly adapt to our beliefs about how the other person wants to deal with the issue. So if Mr Wonderful pays on dates one and two, and then the third one as a lady you can offer to settle the bill and Mr Wonderful will thank the stars because he might be running low on cash and at times when you offer financial assistance to a partner they then become too comfortable and the next thing they expect you to keep buying stuff for them until they can even write down a list of things they do not have and want you to buy. I believe money is like love it kills slowly and painfully the one who withholds it, and enlivens the other who turns it on to their partner.
At times when people are dating they fear discussing money issues yet money builds and breaks relationships and should be really discussed. There are, however, also warning signs to look for. You may want to rethink a relationship if someone is unwilling to discuss money, lies about their finances or doesn’t pay you back when they “borrow” money from you. Perhaps your date said he left a tip for that friendly waitress on the table, but you find no cash when you run back to get your sunglasses. Don’t let red flags go. Once we are in love with somebody why are we so reluctant to talk openly about the role money plays in our lives and relationships?
One thing I noticed over the many years I worked, was that although people often wrote about divorce, love and sex, they didn’t really talk about money in a way that was as profound or exploratory, and then I was kind of pushed over the edge when a relationship of mine ended. I was involved with a very wealthy man, and I was in my early 20s. I was surprised, when we broke up, at the reaction of my friends. I broke up with him. My friends, who were all independent, employed, sophisticated women were not particularly supportive. Not across the board, but they were all kind of like, “He treats you so well, and he’s so rich. What are you doing?” It was just amazing to see these very sophisticated, independent women kind of reduced to something I hated at the moment and I have been on the roller coaster between very rich to potential and quite recently I was reminded of a statement I once uttered when I crossed over to the “potential” line.
I think it is because money is so wrapped up in self-worth for a lot of people, and self-esteem. The tradition of not talking about money and not talking about your salary is something that has been long-standing over the past years of my existence. I think it’s private because people feel that they don’t want to reveal that personal part of themselves. For a lot of people it’s wrapped up in how successful they are as a person. It is a very powerful force in intimate relationships, because whether you have a lot of money or a little money, it’s always there. You don’t ever escape its power.
Personally, I think loving money and killing for money are two different things and I often hear people say ”money can’t buy you happiness” but I actually think it does. I often tell people who say that to me to wait until they have money then they can come and say that to me again then I will gladly believe that it is really true, but for now since people who often say that do not have money at all I feel that there is something really wrong. Half the times you say thank you and appreciate your partner’s efforts of trying to charm you with a little effort. Love grows in the heart so forgive me for this but I am one of those that believe love grows and money can buy love. A friend of mine always says that money attracts money and she has a theory that for one to have money they have to be attracted to it.
So yes it’s ok to appreciate and value money I mean if you criticise money, you will repel it. If you buy into some antiquated belief that it is the root of evil or filthy, you will repel it. If you envy someone else’s money, you will repel it. If you are afraid to go to your bank account, EcoCash/TeleCash account to see the balance, you will repel it. If you are in a constant state of worry or fear about money, you will repel it. Isn’t it time that you become a magnet for money and prosperity? Isn’t it time for you to learn to appreciate money and stop feeling bad about having or wanting money? I will not apologise for valuing money because money can buy me happiness and it makes my world go round! I really don’t believe in money that is in a person’s mind, I believe on money that is in your pocket.
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