The Sunday News
Nhlalwenhle Ncube
POWERLESSNESS and silence go together!
She was told that silence is golden, but after some years of keeping issues to herself she realised that being silent hurts and it takes away one’s happiness. When it comes to relationships, silence is not golden, but one should speak out!
One woman realised after a few years that she made the biggest mistake of her life when she kept quiet at a time when her husband married a second wife. She was against the second marriage, but never uttered any word in regard of that since she feared for a number of things namely being dumped, that the man would neglect children and in-laws calling her names as they were in support of the man’s actions.
She bottled up the pain and has realised that if only she had spoken out, life could be different as she could not continue in a prison-like union!
I know she is not the only person who failed to express her feelings in trying to save her relationship. In fact, when you do not speak out you hurt yourself more than when you pour out your heart.
The importance of expressing your feelings in a relationship should not be underestimated. Being honest about how you feel allows for bonding and emotional closeness, which improves every aspect of your relationship; withholding how you feel creates distance and disharmony.
When you’ve got something eating you up, you fail to be yourself as there will be too much noise in your head. You might try and pretend all is fine, but things will not be flowing and there won’t be growth in such a relationship.
Of course someone might say in avoiding a break-up, keep silent to avoid causing fights, but for how long? This is deadly; you better get to reality than live a fake life. One important thing in successful relationships is being open to one another. It is better to be honest with your partner, let him get mad when you say out your mind and you solve the issue than to pretend all is fine while suffering in silence.
If you have issues that you are not speaking out, you run the risk of building up your resentment levels so high that you no longer want to give your partner love or intimacy. There are people in dead relationships because they are not speaking out and always pretend as if all is fine when it is not. To worsen the matter, when you are silent, you are also misleading the other party into believing that they are doing things right and they continue hurting you with their bad habits.
You get to drift apart because the unspoken and unnamed fears are a turn-off. If one partner is feeling dissatisfied or resentful over a long-term, the love dies its natural death. You will both be left heartbroken and to make it worse the other partner will be in a dilemma of what wrong he could have committed since his partner never complained, but just woke up saying she could not continue with the relationship.
Many times we have heard people claiming that they never had any problems with their ex-lovers, but the relationship just ended. There is no such thing and in most cases it could be that the other person was afraid to speak out and that is what destroyed the relationship. She kept issues to herself and finally got to a point where she felt she had had enough!
Not speaking up or voicing your genuine thoughts and feelings in a relationship is one of the most common obstacles to a healthy relationship. More often than not this leads to an unbalanced union.
To have a healthy relationship, it is vital for both partners to speak out in a kind way; in a way you will most likely be heard.
When thoughts and feelings go unspoken and are swept under the rug you may think you are letting them go but actually you are repressing them and storing up resentment. At some point, even the most non-assertive, quiet person will get to the last straw and may even explode. It is much healthier to address issues and feelings as they occur and have no lumps under the rug that you may trip over.
When you fail to speak out, know that you are in an unhealthy relationship where only one person is in control of everything. Speak out and enjoy the company of your partner!
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