Not the same mistake again . . .

by Sunday News Online | Sunday, Jul 2, 2017 | 472 views

broken

Nhlalwenhle Ncube

ONE of the biggest fears is giving your love to someone who betrays your trust. This happens to most people over the course of their lifetime and unfortunately for some it does not happen once, but history always repeats itself and instead of feeling pity for such people you become angry at them as it should be once bitten, twice shy.

For some, the lesson is etched in memory. They never fully trust anyone again, not like they did before. Whether it was a divorce, a lie, an affair or a broken promise, the people we love can betray us in a thousand different ways. Some betrayals are like paper cuts that sting badly at the time but heal.

Other betrayals cut us in half.

Of course people are different, but do not turn out to be an easy target all the time. Keep yourself from being deceived, walked all over or taken advantage of. Few people sympathise with anyone who falls victim all the time and never learn from the past.

Despite being hurt, life goes on and the biggest lesson which comes tops is to be extra careful before giving away your heart. It is unfortunate that those who are not careful when it comes to issues of the heart, just because they have been heartbroken a number of times are quick to blame it on bad luck.

No, do not lie to yourself, instead make calculated moves.

In relationships, learn to never give your trust easily. Falling in love sweeps you off your feet. When you are in love, you are in a different reality.

Everything is beautiful, everything is alright. Give it time, the pretending days will pass and you will realise no one is perfect as you will start having arguments here and there and this will mark the end of your honeymoon phase.

The end of the honeymoon period can feel like a bucket of cold water poured on your head, but that bucket of cold water also wakes you up. It’s a shock, but it’s necessary. You have got to see the truth about one another eventually.

In the harsh light of days, you will find that you can trust him on some things and not others. Trust should be realistic!

Do not trust your partner more than they respect you. Most times, you will find that your partner challenges you saying, “Why don’t you trust me?

Don’t you love me? You do not love me if you do not trust me.” This argument sounds convincing. Of course, you are in love and it makes sense that you should trust someone you love. Okay, then you will be forced to trust her even though something feels off. No wonder something feels off. Never allow your partner to manipulate you by using your feelings to get a free pass.

Loving someone and trusting that person are two different things. A good example is of parents, they can love their children to the moon and back, but they will never trust them with matches or knives.

Trust needs to be matched to specific situations and a proven track record. If your partner respects you, he will understand and will not pressure you knowing that trust takes time. In general, the more someone respects you, the more you can trust them and the less they respect you, the less trust they deserve.

The minute you start trusting, accept the risks. Love is a risky proposition. No matter how careful you are, there is always the chance of things going horribly wrong. The moment you love someone else, you open yourself up to being hurt. You can’t know what the outcome will be. And that’s not a bad thing.

The greatest achievements often require great risks. Failures, wrong turns, and despair litter the road to victory. You cannot escape being hurt if you are going to open yourself up to love. All you have to know is that no matter what happens, you can handle it.

Give yourself permission to get hurt. Accept the risks inherent in love. Trust yourself to be strong enough. The trust you place in your own strength has a way of revealing your hidden reserves, your resourcefulness and the new future that awaits you. The best way to avoid getting burnt is to have knowledge that allows you to predict the future. Knowledge is power as it lets you predict things and see them coming!

In a relationship try to predict the future and do not be blinded by love. Sometimes you will be right and sometimes wrong. It’s an advantage as you will not only live in that moment, but have insight into the future getting to know which heartstrings to pull at the same time avoiding falling in the same pit which will break your heart into pieces.

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