SIS NOE: I have been having sex with my neighbour for a year

Hi Sis Noe
WHEN I was married I had friends and I was very popular but since I divorced my husband I am lonely. My friends have left me and guys who used to want me no longer seem interested. I have been single for a year and I have not had sex with anyone. — Help.

Reply
It’s disappointing that you feel you are being ostracised by other women and ignored by men. I worry you took the flirty teasing of your male colleagues too seriously. I hope that you actually divorced for all the right reasons and not simply because you felt the grass was greener on the other side. Ultimately, you have to accept that this is a totally new beginning for you. Looking back is not an option. Your divorce is complete and you are free to be anyone you want to be. Take your time regarding a new romance. Get to know who you really are and set yourself personal challenges. That way you will then meet a whole new set of people along the way.

Hi Sis Noe
My boyfriend is obsessed with his phone. He is always on the internet or playing games on it. He fiddles it even when we are eating or when we go out. What must I do to stop this obsession? — Stressed.

Reply
I am not surprised that you are sickened by your boyfriend’s behaviour, but he is not alone in being obsessed with his phone — it’s a growing trend or should I say problem. Some people can’t seem to function; they feel physically ill if their phone is out of their hands for more than a minute. Can you do a deal with him and ask him to switch off during certain times? If he refuses to meet you halfway, maybe you need to date someone more mature. You need someone who pays attention to you.

Hi Sis Noe
I have been having sex with my neighbour for a year but he has told me that I will never be his girlfriend; it’s just sex, because his parents don’t like me. I don’t know what to do because I have developed feelings for him. — Worried.

Reply
You can’t carry on with this man. He doesn’t see you as the girlfriend type, but an object to fulfill his sexual desires. You will never be anything meaningful to him — you owe it to yourself to gather the remainder of your dignity and move on. Clearly you are looking for love and commitment, but you are in the wrong place. If his parents are judgmental, that’s where he gets his attitude from. Be strong and courageous because you’re better than this and deserve more.

Hi Sis Noe
My best friend is always jealous of me whenever I succeed at something. Currently she is not happy that I am going to Dubai for Christmas with my husband. I can tell by her behaviour that she is jealous but whenever something good happens for her I am happy for her. She didn’t even attend my wedding despite the fact that I had made her my maid of honour. Why is she like this? — Worried.

Reply
True friends are encouraging and supportive, not bitter and jealous. Maybe it’s time you admit that your friendship has run its course — that she is too negative and prone to bringing you down. I am surprised you even bothered with her again after the no-show at your wedding. Why continue to indulge her when your life is moving on and she has become a dead weight? I suggest you travel to Dubai after making a clean break with her.

Hi Sis Noe
I am getting married next month, the problem is that a relative of my husband-to-be told me that my man has a secret relationship with a woman and they have a child. I asked him about it but he refused to tell me anything. — Worried.

Reply
Don’t let pride stop you from making an important decision. You are a month away from being married, but you still don’t know the man who shares your bed. Your man is evasive and dishonest. If he won’t come clean about his background, you have to cut your losses and get out. Don’t allow him to drag you down with him. Be honest with your parents and friends. I am certain they will support you.

Hi Sis Noe
There is a woman at work who wants me to be her boyfriend. She is beautiful and sexy but I am not interested because she is not my type. She is always trying to flirt with me and at one time she kissed me at a party. My workmates say I am crazy not to go out with her. How can I tell her that I am not interested? — Worried.

Reply
The most honest thing you can do is take the time to talk to her and explain you are not looking for love or a relationship at the moment. Suggest that you keep things on a professional level in future. Emphasise that you don’t wish her to think that you are playing hard to get — it’s just that work-based romances are not your thing. It’s admirable that you know your own mind and you refuse to be swayed by the crowd — you don’t have to justify yourself to anyone. If there is no chemistry, that’s an end to it.

Hi Sis Noe
I am addicted to falling in love and I have had sex a lot with many short-term partners, but I seem not to be able to maintain a relationship. I easily get bored and dump my boyfriends and move on to the next. — Worried.

Reply
You need counselling — serious counselling. I suspect you need to speak to a health professional about why you can’t maintain relationships. They will talk to you about your early life, experiences and influences. But you need to remember that there is no such thing as “the one”. We all have to compromise in life and you are never going to find the perfect partner, because that person simply doesn’t exist. That said, you can’t simply settle for anyone just to avoid loneliness later on. Take a good look at the places you are going and the type of people you are hooking up with. It could be that your whole method is in need of an overhaul.

Hi Sis Noe
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Reply
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