The Sunday News
Hi Sis Noe
I LIVE with my in-laws. I only got married six months ago. The problem is that I can hear my mother-in-law and father-in-law when they are having sex. It’s so awkward. My husband just laughs it off and turns on the TV in our bedroom. What’s even more worrying is that they seem to be having sex more than we are, and we are the newly-weds. We are moving out by next summer, but how do I handle this in the meantime? — Worried.
Reply
Living with one’s in-laws never comes without its fair share of complexities. Establishing boundaries in such an environment can be problematic. However, in this case I feel it is important to point out that intimacy does not end just because two people age. Furthermore, this is not a contest between two couples. As embarrassing as this is for you, your parents-in-law would more than likely be even more mortified if they knew their son and his wife could hear them getting amorous. You say that you are moving out next year. In the meantime, try and ignore the bedroom antics of your husband’s parents. Follow your husband’s example and resort to watching TV that’s a bit louder.
Hi Sis Noe
I had genital warts a year ago but I got treated and I no longer have it. I was wondering should I tell my future sexual partner or partners that I once had it? I told my ex about it and we had sex using a condom but our relationship did not last. — Worried.
Reply
You pose an interesting and complicated question. While you are right that warts infection may be treated or clear on its own, it’s hard to know for sure if it’s truly gone. Using a condom during sex can definitely reduce the risk of passing warts your partner(s), but it’s not guaranteed. For this reason, honesty is always important in any type of sexual relationship. Honest communication is crucial to relationships, even casual ones, and talking about warts could reduce the stigma surrounding this extremely common sexually transmitted infection (STI). Along the same lines, opening up a discussion about your sexual health history may prompt your partner to do the same. Talking with your partner(s) could also be a learning opportunity — for example, maybe he doesn’t know about the vaccines Gardasil and Cervarix which can protect both men and women against several HPV strains. Also, having an open conversation might end up being a stress reliever for your partner(s) — nearly all sexually active adults have had at least one type of HPV at some point in their lives.
Hi Sis Noe
Every time after I have sex I have a feeling that I must go to the toilet. Is this normal? — Worried.
Reply
There are many different types of sexual activities that can lead a person to feel like he or she needs to take a bathroom break. Some types of sex may actually make a person feel like she or he had an accident in the bed. Others can actually increase that “go-to-the-toilet” feeling. It most happens when you get a G-spot orgasm. This highly intense form of orgasm happens when a particular area of the vagina is sufficiently stimulated. Emptying your bladder before sex can usually help reassure yourself that you are not urinating. Other explanations for the urge to urinate could be pressure on the bladder externally from certain sexual positions or vaginal penetration at certain angles, which could also put pressure on the bladder. If you are trying to avoid this full-bladder feeling, completely emptying it right before sex could help reassure you that an accident won’t happen while you are getting it on. Of course, if it does, know that urine is sterile.
Hi Sis Noe
I am 35-years-old and I am in a loveless marriage. There is no sex. My wife says she is happy but I am not. She doesn’t realise that we are falling apart. We don’t even hug anymore. I am now having an affair with a married woman who is also not happy in her marriage. We both know that there’s a lot at stakes to leaving our partners but I don’t want to remain in such an unhappy marriage. So should I stay in this marriage, forget about my new love, hurt for a while and live with the regret forever that I missed what could be the best opportunity of my life? Or do I keep working on it, although I am tired? I don’t want to grow old in a loveless marriage that is more like a friendship than a marriage. — Lonely.
Reply
I wonder if you are using this correspondence to justify a decision that you have already made. It sounds as if your marriage has fallen into the complacency trap. I am intrigued by your reference to “more like a friendship than a marriage”. Most marriages lose a little of the heat from the relationship kitchen but that is often the case as lovers become good friends. Strong and good marriages are built on true friendships which usually include a good sexual relationship. They take work, though, by both marriage partners to be successful. I am saddened that (as you say) your wife cannot understand the need to offer you the little hugs and touches that you crave. Was this always the case, or are you only now noticing it because of your new friend? Did it trouble you before? You say she does not realise that you are missing something from your relationship. Do you just express your needs by trying to talk or do you offer her hugs and the little touches like making the tea and so on? This is a decision that only you (and your friend) can make. As you rightly suggest, it is a decision that affects the lives of your current partners, your children and your friends and families. It is not an easy one. I will be thinking of you and pray that you two will ultimately make the right decision.
Hi Sis Noe
When I have sex with my boyfriend the condom keeps slipping off and it turns me off. It frustrates me. — Help.
Reply
A condom that continuously slip-slides away can be frustrating, especially if it keeps killing the mood. Fortunately there are a few things you can troubleshoot to get to the root of the problem. First off, next time your partner puts on a condom you might want to check the fit. Is the condom snug around the shaft of the penis? Did your boyfriend roll the condom down all of the way? Is there extra latex hanging or bunched up? They don’t call it a love glove for nothing; the condom should not slide around on him while he is sliding around in you, so make sure it fits like a glove. Keep in mind that brands and styles of condoms are varied. Perhaps sampling a few to see which ones provide a better fit may be helpful, and fun. Another thing to consider is your position during sex. Have you noticed that the condom escapes only when you and your partner are in certain positions? If he were on his back when you make love, for example, would the condom be less likely to come off? Trying a number of positions to see what keeps the condom in place may not only help you diagnose the problem; it could spice up your routine as well. Condoms are made to fit tightly on an erect penis, so another thing to check is whether your boyfriend is keeping his erection during sex. Erections can come and go (perfectly normal, by the way); if this is the case, the condom may loosen its grip and slip off. A smaller sized condom may be appropriate so that he doesn’t slip out during a lull in erection. Saying and doing things that will maintain arousal during sex may also help in this situation. Lastly, although it can be challenging to talk about this stuff, the best way to figure out what is going on with your boyfriend down there may be asking him what he thinks is causing the problem. It’s possible that he knows what the difficulty is, but is embarrassed to tell you, or assumes you already know. Never underestimate the power of open, honest communication.
