The Sunday News
Mzana Mthimkhulu Lighterside
DYNAMOS Football Club supporters are living in untold fear. Word is out that Highlanders and Caps United have joined forces and issued the following statement against Dynamos: “We have plans for you, plans to harm you and not to delight you, plans to humiliate you and make you the laughing stock of the world.”With this goal in mind, Highlanders and Caps United have pooled their resources and are about to sign from Barcelona the Uruguayan striker Luis Suarez. When this player is captured, the club nearer playing Dynamos secures the striker and must unleash him at the first opportunity.
Why this player? World leading sports psychologist, Sigmund Pavlov has discovered the real reason Suarez bit the Italian defender, Giorgio Chillieni during the World Cup in Brazil. It was the power of colours. Suarez detests a blue and white uniform. Whenever he sees it, he has an urge to bite and beat up the wearer. Through practice, he has learnt to control this urge. However, frustration got the better of him in Brazil and the urge overpowered him. The experience whetted his appetite for the uniform.
He is now raring to go and wants to devour the entire back four of the next team in blue he plays against.
When I heard this story, I dismissed it with the contempt it deserved. “Where have you ever heard of the colour of a uniform wielding so much power?” I asked.
“Throughout the sporting world,” was the answer I got. Pavlov argues that without them realising it, sports enthusiasts develop both a love and a loathing for specific colours. When these colours are flashed in front of the enthusiast, the poor chap may lose control and do the unthinkable.
This explains why in Zimbabwe, the biggest decision founding fathers of all premier league teams made was the choosing of the teams’ colours. They were aware of this power of colours. Let us look at what happened when the country’s oldest football club was formed.
“To increase our chances of winning,” Albert, one of the founding fathers of Highlanders, declared at the club’s executive meeting back in 1926, “we must never forget God. Our players must pray a lot. But the poor chaps do not have enough time to practise and pray. We must, therefore, make use of manyano (the women’s wing of a church) groups. These manyanos are always praying. If we make ourselves an extension of manyanos, some of their blessings are likely to overflow to us.”
The executive members nodded in agreement.
“We must,” Albert continued, “go for colours already in use by at least two manyanos in our part of the country.”
“I know what colours to choose for our team,” one executive committee member said. “The uniforms of the manyanos of the London Missionary Society Church (UCCSA), the Brethren-in-Christ Church and the Presbyterian Church are all black skirts and white blouses. All of the three churches have a heavy presence in the Matabeleland provinces.”
“Gentlemen,” Albert smiled, “the decision has been made for us. The home colours for our team will be black and white.”
Like Highlanders, Dynamos aimed at benefiting from the prayers of manyano groups. Formed at a time when nationalistic fever was high, the team looked for churches with a national presence. After discussions, Dynamos settled for the Anglican Church. As you probably are aware, dear reader, the Anglican manyano dons a blue and white uniform.
Dynamos authorities were also impressed by the enthusiastic singing, dancing and preaching of several apostolic denominations. They wished this exuberance could spill over to their supporters. The authorities believed it was no coincidence that the colours of the robes for most of these apostolic denominations were blue and white. This backed the suggestion that blue and white be the colours for the new team.
Caps United boasts that it is the most peace- loving club in the country. When choosing their team colours, Caps authorities asked themselves which church hardly ever made news for quarrelling within itself? Which church had never been involved in violence or public disorder? After studying newspapers for six months, Caps authorities agreed that the Seventh Day Adventist (SDA) was such a church. Further, the authorities liked the laid back and melodious singing of the church. It complemented the smooth flowing type of football preferred by the club. The authorities noted that the SDA women’s wing of the church (calling itself Dorcas) had a green and white uniform. It was decided that green was going to be the team’s colour.
This choosing of club colours on the basis of a manyano group is not something peculiar to Zimbabwean teams. When the English club Manchester United decided to go for a global following, it decided to align itself with a manyano group that already enjoyed international presence. Following a survey of churches in the world, the Methodist Church was seen to boast the highest number of manyano members. What are the colours of the Methodist manyanos? Black, white and red. The team immediately settled for those colours.
Personally, I am now convinced that colours influence us more than most people realise. I, therefore, understand the fear and worry Dynamos supporters are going through. Maybe they ought to pray that Highlanders and Caps fail to raise the amount to buy Luis Suarez. Otherwise — the demise of Dynamos draweth nigh.
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