The Sunday News
SO you got married and became a man of vows. All those promises you made to your wife really mean something now, so it’s time to start walking the talk. Fortunately, being a good husband is not impossible. It’s about following your heart, your conscience, and acting on your love for your wife. In the Bible husbands are commanded to dwell with their wives, this does not mean to just live in the same house. The first duty of a man to his woman, or a husband to his wife, is to love his wife unconditionally. However, it is sad to note that what goes under the name of love has little to do with love.
The word “love” has become a misunderstood word for example, as people we always abuse the word we say, “I love my job, I love my home, and I love chocolate cake.” Generally what we are talking about is what those things do for us not necessarily the real meaning of love.
I love home because it makes me comfortable, I love the cake because it satisfies my sweet tooth, I love my job because it satisfies my desire for a career and pay my bills at the end of the month. The word “love” has become a word to describe the lusts of the flesh, and nothing more. But a good husband needs to understand the word love and love his wife with his all.
Each day I am confronted by women who are extremely frustrated with their marriages. They usually express no hope that their husbands will ever understand what it is that frustrates them, let alone change enough to solve the problem.
Most of these women feel marital problems are created by their husbands who do little or nothing to solve them. Wives tend to see themselves as the major force for resolving conflicts, and when they give up their effort, the marriage is usually over.
When I talk to their husbands, they usually have a very different explanation as to why their wives feel the way they do. They often feel that the expectations of women in general and their wives in particular have grown completely out of reach.
These men, who feel that they have made a huge effort to be caring and sensitive to their wives, get no credit whatsoever for their sizeable contribution to the family. They feel under enormous pressure to improve their financial support, improve the way they raise their children, and improve the way they treat their wives.
Many men I see are emotionally exhausted and feel that for all their effort, they get nothing but criticism because most women are gifted at criticising. The simpler role of husbands in decades past has now been replaced by a much more complex and confusing role, especially in their relationship with their wives.
Some conclude that women are born to complain and men must ignore it to survive. Others feel that women have come to expect so much of men that they are impossible to please, so there’s no point in even trying. Very few men, these days, feel that they have learned to become the husbands that their wives have wanted, and the job seems to be getting more and more difficult.
My understanding of “dwell” means “to dwell in close harmony with, closely aligned, to be in closeness with.” It means an intimate dwelling many men have this idea, “I go out, I’m the provider, you are the wife, and you stay home. You do your job, I will do my job.” That is where the problem is, the home too is your job!
The role of the wife is to help the husband, but she is not to replace your role in the home. You are to work in concert with her to create a spirit of harmony within. To do that you must be there when your wife needs you because your wife did not marry an ATM, she married you, she did not marry a car, she married you, she did not marry a sponsor but she married you.
Whenever the outside things that you do for her replace your presence with her, and then you are not living with her anymore because your ultimate goal is to love her and be there for her. Some men are married to their jobs, to their promotions, and they are obsessed about making up for everything with money. You cannot just go home and turn on the TV, you have to go home to be with her!
As a loving husband some things should be said and done naturally I mean telling your wife you are happy she’s in your life is not just a compliment, it is also a way of reassuring her that she’s still as important to you as she always was. Put yourself in her position, and imagine she is the one telling you this, I bet you will be delighted. That’s exactly how she would feel if she heard you say that to her.
Most men often find it hard to apologise and a lot of men believe it’s not appropriate for a man to apologise to his woman under any circumstances. So even when they are wrong, they still will not say they are sorry but the good thing about apologising for a wrong is that not only does it show how remorseful and repentant you have become, it also means you cherish your woman enough to swallow your pride and say “I’m sorry”.
Everyone loves to be appreciated and so as a good husband you need to appreciate what your wife does and tell her she is the greatest cook you have ever seen, tell her she is incredible. Even if she is not the best at whatever it is she does, ignore it all, and tell her she is the best. Women want to be appreciated and honoured, not criticised and under-appreciated. Try this and you will thank me for the results you will get.
The way a woman feels about herself can affect her orgasm, unknowingly to her. If you feel good about yourself it will help your body’s response to a better sexual desire; if you feel bad about yourself, it would be harder to enjoy sex and it would even be more difficult to reach orgasm as you don’t enjoy the sex. Make her feel good and this will improve your sex and social life. Things can only get better for you.
Next week we are talking wives, what is a wife? Email your views and comments to [email protected] <mailto:[email protected]>
