The Sunday News
I HAVE three identical golf shirts and love them all in equal measure. A couple of weeks back, I put on one of the golf shirts. My wife smiled and gave me a thumps up. The following morning I wore the second golf shirt. She raised a disapproving eyebrow but did not comment. On the third morning, I donned the third. She was scandalised.
“No way,” she fumed. “What will people say when they see you stick to one golf shirt for three days running?”
“I don’t mind what people say.”
She frowned. “They won’t say anything about you. It’s me they will talk about? I will be the laughing stock. What kind of a wife is she who lets her husband put on a stinking golf shirt, they will ask. They will call me a miser who does not allow you to buy yourself clothes. They will . . .”
“Slow down,” I said. “You and I know that it would not be the same golf shirt. Why worry about the talk of people who don’t have the truth on their side?
Remember the good book says the truth will set you free.”
She scowled: “The same good book says ‘the tongue has the power of life and death, and those who love it will eat its fruits. I would be a fool not to worry about what people say. It is a matter of life and death.”
My wife is not the only one who attaches importance to what people say.
In the township I grew up, lived a house-proud lady called MaMoyo. She loved it when people lavished praise on the furniture in her sitting room, the modern fittings in her kitchen and the general cleanliness of her house.
One afternoon the ladies were gathered at MaSibanda’s house for a prayer meeting when a van from a furniture store delivered a double bed. Except for MaMoyo the ladies fell over each other admiring the expensive looking delivery.
“What kind of husband are you who cannot buy her wife a decent bed?” MaMoyo greeted her husband that evening.
“I find our bed very comfortable,” the husband replied.
That night the poor man did not sleep a wink. MaMoyo demanded that he bought a bigger and more expensive bed than MaSibanda’s. “I want a bed that will collect double the compliments MaSibanda got today,” she concluded in the early hours of the morning.
Three weeks later, MaMoyo requested for a special prayer meeting at her house. During the meeting, she kept glancing out of the window as though expecting someone. No one came. In the evening her husband explained that due to many orders, the furniture shop had been unable to deliver their order on that day. The delivery was going to be made the following day. Indeed a double bed was delivered the following morning.
Unfortunately for MaMoyo, none of her friends witnessed the delivery. How then was she to bask in the compliments her bed would have garnered?
One by one, MaMoyo invited her friends to come and visit her. Waiting for each visitor, she sat on the sofa behind the curtains. Through the slightly parted curtains she spotted each friend come through the gate. MaMoyo scurried to her bedroom.
When the friend knocked, MaMoyo shouted, “Singapha (We are this side).” The friend proceeded to the bedroom and was welcomed by MaMoyo sitting on the bed.
“What a lovely bedroom suite!” the friend remarked.
“Oh, this,” MaMoyo chuckled, “it’s just planks and a mattress — nothing really to exclaim about.”
“Oh no,” the friend insisted, “this is class.”
“If you say so,” MaMoyo sighed, as though embarrassed by the compliments. “I was quite happy with the old double bed, same size with the one we saw delivered at MaSibanda’s the other day. But ubaba wanted a change and against my wishes went on to buy this king size bed. Go ahead my friend, sit by my side. The bed has a dual edge support system and so won’t sag.
As for the headboard — pure oak, not cheap plywood. I suppose there is nothing wrong with plywood if that is what you want. MaSibanda looked pleased with hers.”
Within a week all MaMoyo’s friends had visited her and been invited to the bedroom. Her wish was fulfilled. She became the most talked about lady in the township.
The ladies nicknamed MaMoyo “Singapha.” They delighted in mimicking Singapha boasting about her amazing king size bed. Of course all this was never done within her earshot.
MaMoyo sensed that she was now the talk of the township and loved it. She often sat on her bed, shook her head with a smile and whisper, “that’s me!”
When I got home yesterday, my wife was waiting in the sitting room. All my three loved golf shirts were neatly laid down on the table. On each front, a big bold number was printed. She picked the nearest and turned it round. Like the front, it had a bold 1. The other two golf shirts had the numbers 2 and 3.
“I arranged for all your three golf shirts to have numbers printed in front and at the back. Go ahead, wear them on successive days. Like you, I no longer mind what people will say.”
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