Dear Aunty Charity
“I FOLLOW your column every Sunday and I have patiently waited for you to write about money. However, I have not seen any article on money of late so I might as well write to you. So for three months, I have had an intimate relationship with a rich, handsome guy. Since the first day we met, he hasn’t given me even a pin as a gift or a penny for my upkeep but he still expects me to play the perfect girlfriend he always wants to show off to his friends so I always have to look pretty. I’m jobless now, which he is aware of, but he hasn’t made any effort to at least support me. I really need financial help, but I don’t have the courage to ask because he has never given me the chance to. How can I make him give me money, or should I break up with him because he is stingy? I also want to know when a girl can start asking for money from her boyfriend.”
Well, I know it may be better to give than receive, but even the most giving among us need a break and we want to receive. I can never say when the right time to ask for money is because at some point in my life I started dating a guy in the afternoon and that same evening I asked for some money, well that was some years back.
I continued on that tip for some time and I used the trick to surf man in my life, if he gave me the money then it meant I wanted to see him again but if he did not then it meant I had no time for him in my busy schedule and I would move on to the next guy.
I used this as I felt that every man had to pay to be in my life. Personally I do not see anything wrong in making simple and affordable requests if there is love. Real love is kind so it should give, it is not like you are asking for his hand in marriage on the first date. It’s just that ladies have become so bare-faced, such that their requests sometimes portray lack of love.
In other words, they do that with this notorious maxim of theirs that I too employed in the past, “use what u have to acquire what you want” at the back of their minds, sometimes but not always, it is a bad thing to do.
Of late very, very rarely do I ask for money from a guy, I cannot even ask from my own father because he too is a man and if I ever do, I always make sure I pay it back very quickly. I also went on a series of dating guys I thought I was more well off than they are so I would absolutely not take their money.
Sometimes guys treat me to dinner and all but rarely, I prefer paying for myself and if someone buys anything I tend to feel as though I owe them! And that for me is a mini-prison. I am being honest though, I could not date someone for just their money. I wouldn’t feel comfortable with that. I probably would not like it, it’s nice to be treated but it’s not a deal breaker if they do not for as long as they can support themselves and do not have to ask me for anything. I do not want to owe anyone anything, but then again that is me so enough about me.
I do not want to be discriminative or anything but I think it’s okay for a girl to ask for small amounts of money from her boyfriend (and of course in the early stages of dating because they too can ask for anything on the first day so why should money issues be postponed to later) but I feel that if my partner asked me for money, I would feel less respect for him. Of course it does not mean he is low, but I would feel it is not very manly of him to ask a girl for money.
If I was a guy, I would not accept money from a girl (even if she’s my partner) except if I was in an extremely serious situation or an awkward one, and even if I did accept, I would return it back as soon as possible. As a girl, I would also return any money I had to borrow from my partner as soon as possible.
I am not entertaining the idea of having a boyfriend now, but if I was and my boyfriend was not giving me money I would ask for it. However, as in my case, I feel a man should know his place as a provider in the early stages of the relationship.
Something else, again, if I was convinced with the idea of having a boyfriend, I would not let him pay for meals, flights or any of my bills, I would feel uncomfortable about it, but of course, again, I would not mind much if he took care of the bills voluntarily because I see this connection as strong and very necessary.
A man should know his woman needs money without being told. This is just my point of view, so please do not think I meant to offend anyone else who thinks otherwise.
So the long and the short it is it is ok to ask for money even in the early stages of a relationship and men should know that if they are boyfriends they are practising to be husbands and so they should also train to be providers by giving their girlfriends money without them having to ask. Let’s keep talking, email firstname.lastname@example.org