The Sunday News
Nhlalwenhle Ncube
THERE comes a certain time in life when one gets to a point where she feels like exploding due to some marital problems and all they need is to tell someone what they are going through.
It is so sad that after sharing your problems, you live to regret that moment and wish you could turn back hands of time or erase all the information from that person’s mind, but it will be too late.
You then begin to hurt because even after solving your marital problems, some people will still be talking about it.
In life, just know there are some problems which are not for public consumption and marital ones are on top of the list!
Every marriage has got its ups and downs, but just because you chose to make yours public, it will appear as if you are the worst couple in the world and once you hear that people have been discussing you and your partner, it takes away your dignity and happiness.
Some people parted ways with their partners’ and had heartbreaks which they could have avoided.
Unfortunately they shared their problems with the wrong people and it spelt disaster for them.
Of course it makes sense to confide in friends and family, but if you are telling them how much of a jerk your partner is and you want to make things work, you are doing yourself and your relationship a huge disservice.
It may feel impossible to imagine that things will get better. You might be feeling hopeless and really need to connect with someone because it’s not happening with your partner.
But if you have a seed of desire to make things better and a grain of faith that you might fix things, your relationship can be better than ever. And if you start trash talking your relationship or complaining about your partner to other important people in your life, you only have yourself to blame when your relationship is finally at its best and your friends and family just can’t fully accept your partner.
Just imagine when you tell your parents or friends that he is cheating on you. They want the best for you and the thought that one day if he continues with his behaviour, he might infect you with a deadly virus, will make them not forgive him.
On the other hand, you will discuss your problems and forgive each other, but some people will never forgive or forget what the two of you will be referring to as “madness” moment. So zip your lips to protect your relationship and tackle your issues together as a team.
I know that at times when you are having marital problems, your partner is the last person you want to talk to even though he is the perfect person to discuss your problems and tomorrow it will not be twisted, hurting you as well.
When relationships undergo difficult times it is normal to want to turn to friends and family for their help and support. This can be a good thing, but it also has the potential to introduce unintended complications. One thing is certain, you should use discretion and wisdom regarding the information that you share with outsiders.
When you are angry and decide to share with someone at that moment, you will not even edit anything, but tomorrow the same information will hurt you when it is being said by others.
It is not a good idea to go into specifics regarding negative details about your partner to others. Think about it, would you want your partner to complain about you or criticise you to others?
Would you want your mistakes, faults and shortcomings to become public knowledge among your partner’s friends or family? Obviously, no!
Generally it is important to maintain a mutual sense of privacy, safety and security in your relationship. You and your partner should both be able to feel comfortable knowing that interactions and situations which occur within personal moments will remain private.
At times sharing too much of your problems at the end will leave both of you and your partner heartbroken.
Having your private problems being discussed by outsiders always hurts. The truth, people fail to keep secrets! When sharing, make sure whatever you are telling that person, will not break you when you hear it coming from someone else. If it is a top secret, then keep your mouth zipped!
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