The Sunday News
Selusweyinkosi Mhlanga
Emotions are strong feelings that are derived from one’s circumstances, mood, or relationships with others. This means emotions are reactions to what is happening to us or around us. A reaction is not an involuntary impulse that happens to a person. Yes, it is triggered by what is happening around us but how one chooses to feel is an independent decision.
Emotions are generated from thoughts
Emotions come from within. How you feel about a situation depends on how you view it in your mind which is what will determine your reaction. That reaction is activated by the hormones and chemicals that your body generates in response to what you are thinking.
It’s very tempting to attribute how you feel to the actions of others, but other people have no control over how you reign in your emotions, that’s your responsibility. No one can make you feel anything that you don’t want to.
Thinking otherwise only holds you back.
Negative emotions
Negative emotions are normal, everyone gets them. We all at one point feel sad, angry, frustrated, inadequate, scared, guilty, lonely, overwhelmed, resentful, jealous or helpless. This is feedback from our bodies regarding what is happening to us. No one expects a person who has just lost someone dear to them to not feel sad and empty, it just happens. It is however, how we deal with those emotions that makes all the difference.
How to deal with negative emotions
Remember that what you focus on is your choice. Situations are just there, some of which you cannot avoid but you are the one who attaches meaning to those situations and chooses which lens you use to focus on them.
Stop holding on to past hurts
Learn to let go of the tragedies and bad situations that have happened to you. Going through the same unfortunate incident over and over again will only cause you to be stagnant and not move on in life. Asking someone to forgive and forget the past may sound unrealistic but it is an attempt at assisting that person to put some distance between them and the issue so that they focus on other things.
While forgetting is near impossible one can put it at the back of their mind where it will not always affect their future reactions, reeling them into the same pain as before. When that person has not dealt with the past, imagine what would happen if another such incident was to befall them or someone near them. The emotions will come rushing back and the wound will become fresh and bleed again. Healing from unfortunate incidents is the road to moving on.
If it is a person who wronged you, holding on to grudges or planning to take revenge on them will not only delay your healing but it will leave you in a worse emotional state than before.
American physician, philosopher, poet-seer, and author Debasish Mridha wrote, “How ignorant can you be to hurt another person? You cannot hurt someone else without hurting yourself first.
How to achieve emotional intelligence
Become aware of your emotions
You can only start controlling your emotions when you are aware of them and what triggers them. At that point you will be able to acknowledge them and realise that they are not serving you then you can redirect your thoughts that will, in turn, reign in your emotions.
Understand other people’s emotions
When you can handle your own emotions it will be easy for you to understand the emotions of others. This will help you avoid conflict and will improve your relationships with other people. Emphathising with other people is a leadership quality that every good leader possesses. Just make sure you don’t absorb their emotions and end up being pulled into their emotional state. Be the stronger person.
Communicate effectively
One should learn to get their message across in an effective and respectful way. Whether you are responding to a person who is mean to you or one who is respectful you should choose your words wisely and not be aggressive or passive. Communicate in such a way that the person will understand what you are saying without taking offence or without escalating further the already uncomfortable situation. Learn to respond to conflict, not react to it.
Handle criticism well
Many a times after an exchange of words with others, we are left feeling that we could have handled the situation better. It is wise to handle it better the first time. Sometimes criticism can be constructive and may aid or teach you one thing or two. Be open minded.
If people realise that you do not want to be told that you are wrong, they will hold back their opinions which could have assisted you. No one is perfect. Allow other people’s opinions to mould you and then sift what you can work with after accepting their opinions.
After all, humans are social beings and we live a full life if we relate well with others.
