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Celebrating only ‘cool’ fathers

16 Jun, 2019 - 00:06 0 Views
Celebrating only ‘cool’ fathers

The Sunday News

Nhlalwenhle Ncube

HAPPY Father’s Day to all the men who respect and make sacrifices that bring love and joy in  women’s lives!

Thanks to all the mothers in this world and even on Father’s Day, we need to celebrate women first because without women, men would not be on this earth. Putting aside what happened during creation here am talking about what women go through, carrying men in their wombs for nine months and having to feel the most painful thing any human can experience, giving birth. So as we celebrate fathers, we can’t afford to ignore the special women in this world.

There is no way we can celebrate men who are the reason behind women’s heartbreaks and painful things they are going through in their lives. On  Father’s Day, let’s only celebrate cool dads. When we say fathers, we are not only referring to those men who managed to score and impregnate someone. It is bigger than that, we celebrate all men who love and care for women, giving them all respect without any conditions.

It is sad that in our society there are men who disrespect women, treating them like objects. Every time on social media you find them attacking women and you get to wonder and wish to know how they treat their daughters, sisters and mothers. They speak to women as if they have no feelings, as if they cannot hear and attack them as though they are a big game conquest. Such men are an embarrassment as they seem to find pleasure in hurting women. Even if you ask them what wrong these women would have done, it’s just that they are not living up to their standards or expectations. For crying out loud, women are not objects and anything short of respect for the female species is just not acceptable. Every human being deserves respect and should be accorded care, kindness and consideration for these are absolute truths. Having said this, the gospel of respect should not only be preached to women, because it seems men are the ones who need it more. Many homes have been  broken after someone failed to show respect.

The other problem I have realised is that in expecting to be respected, men always try and quote the Bible. They forget that in the same holy book it is said, “Do unto others as you would like them to do unto you.” Men must learn to respect women and give them their personal space. Think about how you would want your own mother and sisters to be treated. No men wants his own family to be disrespected, abused or called names. This is exactly how all women must be treated, they have to be accorded kindness and respect. We are tired of men who cause so much pain for women  by demeaning them in public with their misogynistic language and actions. The bad treatment has resulted in high number of failed marriages because each and every person deserves happiness and cannot settle for anything  low. A good relationship is built on some basic, down-to-earth qualities and respect is a major one.

Truth be told, women don’t need partners who invest all their energy in trying to prove how strong, manly, masculine, macho, or heroic they are. They just want men who are willing to meet them where they are and treat them fairly and equitably — and are able to make sure that the romantic spark keeps burning.

Mutual respect is an all-or-nothing proposition: Once a person loses respect for a partner, all bets are off. Women should be given the same respect that men offer other men. When a person is made to feel disrespected or patronised, the relationship is likely to end sooner rather than later. Even when you are angry or disappointed by a partner, respect should be maintained. Women need men to show kindness, patience, understanding, empathy and compassion. Regardless of the type of relationship, men and women should be considerate of each other’s feelings. Recognise that a partner’s trials and tribulations matter to her and that partners’ roles are to cherish and care for and about one another.

Emotional maturity is essential. It’s okay to have some childish fun when it’s appropriate, but it’s important for women and men to behave like grown-ups when it’s time to do so, too. Being aware that brute strength does not equal intelligence is also helpful in maintaining healthy communication and connection. Sometimes it’s better to sit back and think through problems before trying to manhandle your partner into a forced solution.

Being supportive to the women in your life can do a world of good. Supporting your partner is a primary role. Whether your partner or a friend needs emotional or practical support, be there to assist in small and big ways. Whether it’s taking time to listen or more active involvement in major decisions, child rearing, finances, etc, make your presence a positive and supportive one. Recognise your own biases in how you view other women and imagine how your partner might be negatively affected by a world that sees women as less than.

Bring adventure and excitement into the relationship, in safe and welcome ways. Challenge your partner’s perspectives and allow your own to be challenged as well. Open yourself up to new experiences and ways of thinking as you make it safe and inviting for your partner to do the same. Intellectual stimulation keeps relationships dynamic.

Women need the men in their lives to be feminist allies who want to see the women in their lives succeed every bit as much as they want to enjoy their own success. Men should take time to recognise and acknowledge a woman’s strengths and respect her for all that she brings to their relationship. 

Happy Father’s day!

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