The Sunday News
Ekasi stories with Clifford Kalibo
HAVE you ever noticed that all townships (western suburbs) have some things in common? One can move around the townships of Njube, Magwegwe, Pumula, Nguboyenja, Matshobana and many others and there will always be a common factor among these townships. You will find the same characters in each township.
In all townships you will come across a cobbler who is doing his business near a shopping centre or beerhall. The business is usually conducted under a tree or in a makeshift plastic or canvas tent.
This happens to be the “gossip centre”, where you will get all the latest township news. You will get to know of who is going out with who, who owes who money and who is about to divorce his wife.
No wonder you find many guys converging at the cobbler’s shop. The cobblers are a very reliable information hub Ekasi.
Then we have what is known as the ‘‘local runner”. He is the guy whom almost everyone sends on errands and is usually remunerated by a small mug of beer or a calabash and a cigarette or a plate of sadza.
This messenger is very reliable and trustworthy and he usually hangs around in the beerhall or at a shopping centre. People who need anything to be delivered to their house, like some items of grocery, money or even messages use the services of this Ekasi courier.
Others who love horse betting can even send him to town to place a bet on their behalf.
Of note is the fact that these messengers are down-trodden guys who love their beer and cigarettes, and are so in love with alcohol that they have taken up this messenger job in order to earn a calabash per day.
Every township has an old man or woman who is known as “ukhulu” or “sekuru” or “ugogo” or “mbuya”, respectively. These characters are creatures of fixed habit and routine.
They usually enter the beerhall around three o’clock in the afternoon daily, and will be carrying a small black bag, and proceed to their secluded shed where they sit alone. You will then see patrons going to where “khulu” or “gogo” is seated.
There is a brief transaction and shortly the patron will leave and return to where he/she had been seated.
These Ekasi khulus and gogos sell a variety of herbs ranging from aphrodisiacs, luck charms, charms for winning back lost lovers, charms for winning court cases, love potions for making spouses docile and passive, known as “uzwanamina” and many others.
Whether or not these charms do actually work is up to what one believes, but this business seems to be thriving for the township khulu and gogo. Other guys will buy a powder from khulu and mix it in their beer, “amasese”. This powder is said to enhance the guys’ libido.
I guess we have all heard of township “pimps”. These are the guys who act as middle-men between ladies of the night and male clients. The pimps are usually to be found in the company of ladies.
Their core business is to find clients for the ladies and to regulate transactions between the ladies of the night and their clients, and for that they get a certain fee from the proceeds of the transaction.
These township pimps are mostly the lazy guys who don’t want to hustle for a living, but have opted for an easier life of pimping. Well, it’s a strange and funny world where stranger things have happened!
Then we have the “odd job guy” whom the township people assign to do all sorts of jobs such as ploughing the fields, tending to the garden, chopping of firewood for the kitchen vendors in the beerhalls and preparing cow heads (inhloko) for the kitchen vendors.
For his services, the kitchen vendors will pay the “odd job” guy by giving him a plate of sadza with cow ears, ‘‘indlebe” or “ubuchopho” (literally cow brains extracted from inhloko) with plenty of watery soup.
All the “odd job” guys in different townships are usually the scruffy types and a bit unstable, and thus people take advantage of that by not remunerating them well no matter how big a job the guy performs.
The dirtier job like disposing of a dead cat or dog is assigned to the “odd job” guys. If a snake has slithered into a house, the services of the “odd job guy” will be sought for him to hunt and kill the snake.
We have heard of people dubbed “Ziana” or “CNN”. These witty and fast-talking characters are to be found in all townships.
The guys have all the township information at their fingertips and they spread information like wild fire, with of course a bit of exaggeration here and there.
Even if anything happens in the dead of the night, trust me, the “Ziana” would be spreading the news as early as 5am. It’s a wonder how and when these characters gather news and information.
The news is almost always accurate. These guys will tell you the most unlikeliest and hidden information like who is pregnant in the township, who is responsible for that pregnancy, how many months pregnant that person is, and they even know the approximate date of giving birth!
The guys will know of who fought with his wife last night, the cause of the fight and how the fight ended. Even when someone has lost his job, the “CNN” will be the first to know and will spread the news fast.
“Uzwile, uMoyo usephelelwe yispano. Bathi uncinzile espano.” (Mr Moyo has been fired for stealing at work.)
All these characters whom I have described are an essential and integral part of township life and they bring a certain colour and vibe into the people’s everyday lives.
Without a “Ziana”, a local runner, an odd job guy, a pimp, a cobbler, and ukhulu, then there is a missing link, thus rendering society almost incomplete.
Take your time and move around various townships and make your own observations and you will agree with me one hundred percent.
Till we meet again next Sunday. Enjoy the rest of your weekend.
Feedback: Clifford Kalibo/0783856228 / 0719856228/Email: [email protected]
