The Sunday News
Hi Sis Noe
MY husband is so jealous that I have stopped being friends with males. Every man I know he accuses them of having an affair with me. Recently he has become friends with his workmate. He can’t stop talking about her. I told him I don’t like it and he said I am overreacting. — Help.
Your husband being friendly with this woman has brought back all those years when his jealousy made your life hell if you even looked at another man.
So it feels particularly irritating that it’s alright for him to be friendly with someone of the opposite sex.
Explain this, and ask him to be more understanding, rather than just dismissing your feelings.
If he responds positively, then why not meet for a drink? But first your husband needs to be more reassuring and make you feel wanted and loved.
Hi Sis Noe
Recently I met a guy at a party and we had sex. Now we are always meeting for sex. I don’t know if I can call this a relationship or it’s just sex. We have not tried to define our relationship. I think I care about him. — Worried.
I know that many people have one-night stands but to jump into bed with a stranger, however, charming is very risky — anything could have happened.
It is better to get to know someone first. In fact, most women find that sex is usually more exciting and fulfilling if there is also an emotional connection. It sounds as though this has become a relationship, and perhaps what you are really wondering is whether this man has feelings for you or if he is just enjoying great sex. Love is when you feel emotionally connected to each other, the person you love is kind and loving, and you are there for each other through the good and bad times. It involves trusting each other totally and being interested in each other’s lives, hopes and dreams, enjoying doing things together and wanting the same things for your future relationship. Sex and love are the perfect partnership, but sex shouldn’t be the only thing you do. So go for a walk or meet for a movie or dinner, and see if you still enjoy each other’s company and have plenty to talk about. One way to know if he really wants to have a proper relationship with you is to suggest meeting your family and friends and vice versa — if he is willing, then it means he cares; if not, he may only be interested in sex.
Hi Sis Noe
When I am going to work I always meet this beautiful woman and we always greet and smile at each other. I think she is single because I have never seen her with a man. I don’t know how to approach her because I want to go out with her. — Charmed.
Nothing ventured, nothing gained. Ultimately you don’t have anything to lose so a simple, direct approach is best. You don’t want to play games or bump into her “coincidentally” — she would probably see straight through that. So try to pluck up courage, stop and tell her that she has a really nice smile and you wondered if she would like to go for a drink with you one day. She can only say no, she won’t kill you, but if you don’t ask her out, or at least stop and chat, you will never know and you could be missing a wonderful opportunity.
Hi Sis Noe
I just discovered that my husband cheated on me with a sex worker. I never thought he was capable of that because we have a great marriage and sex life. He has apologised for what he did. Should I forgive or leave? — Worried.
Your husband was very foolish to betray you and your devastation is understandable. But I would not rush into ending the marriage, as it sounds as though you both still love each other. What you don’t say is why he was unfaithful and I think that you need to ask him this. Is it the only time? It sounds as though it is. What I am wondering though is if the marriage is quite as happy as you think. It would have been better if he could have talked to you about the issues that made him cheat, rather than unkindly putting the marriage at risk for a fleeting moment of pleasure. If he truly regrets what he has done and promises never to do it again, then your marriage could probably be saved.
Hi Sis Noe
My husband’s sister runs our marriage. She always has to have a say in almost everything that happens at our house. My husband tells her everything about us, even things he should not tell her. He says I should not be jealous because she is just his sister. When she visits he has no time for me. Her husband realises this but he says nothing. — Help.
It sounds as though his sister resents you and wants to be the number one woman in your husband’s life. The fact that he tells her everything about your life together only adds to your feeling of being pushed to the sidelines. She sounds controlling and her husband clearly finds it easier to keep the peace and opt out of saying anything, which is a pity. It would help if he told her that he felt left on the sidelines, too. You may feel jealous of your husband’s relationship with his sister, but I think that you have good reason. Tell him how much you love him and how good your relationship is most of the time. Then explain that, while it is nice that he is so close to his sister, you feel left out and ignored whenever she is around and that you need to feel loved and important to him when she is there. Be firm and say you don’t want him to share all the secrets of your marriage with her.
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