Chat with Sis Noe..I give her all, but she’s still unfaithful

10 Mar, 2019 - 00:03 0 Views
Chat with Sis Noe..I give her all,  but she’s still  unfaithful

The Sunday News

Hie Sis Noe

My wife and I are going through ups and downs, as in most marriages, but she has become less and less interested in making love. I know sex drives can differ, but she shows no intention of dealing with the issue. I have offered to help, but she doesn’t show much interest. She says it’s because she suffers from anxiety. She takes medication. — Help 

Reply

Anxiety disorders do not necessarily have specific causes, such as particular incidents or situations. They often run in families and can have genetic foundations. They can be complex, can seriously undermine a person’s ability to enjoy sex, and should be treated. Imagine trying to focus on pleasure while feeling anxious. Anxiety manifests itself in many ways, so it’s really important that you work as a team to seek an understanding of exactly what kind of anxiety she is suffering from, what causes the mood swings and whether her new medication is working (including whether or not her lack of interest in sex is a side-effect of it). And she needs to receive proper treatment. There are many simple ways to reduce anxiety, such as exercise and meditation, but mood swings are likely to be challenging for both of you without the right medical help. Any low self-esteem she might have will particularly affect her sexual interest and arousal, so she must be helped to feel safe during sex and to give herself permission to accept pleasure.

Hi Sis Noe

I am 25 years old and I love this girl aged 22 but she is not interested in me. What makes me angry is that there are women who want me, but she does not realise that I chose her above all women. I am a smart guy, I dress well and I have a good job. What’s wrong with her?

Reply

Nothing is wrong with her. She does not want you and she has a right not to. I’m sorry this is so frustrating for you but perhaps you have to be a little more realistic. You can’t make someone love you and I’m afraid you have no choice but to accept that this woman is never going to be what you want. Similarly, you can’t make yourself fancy one of the other women who are interested in you, but let their attention reassure you that you are obviously an attractive guy and open your mind to meeting someone else. There are women in the world!

Hi Sis Noe

My boyfriend does not open up to me and we don’t connect emotionally. He does not talk about his childhood or his past and his past love life. I know his father passed away when he was young but I don’t know much about what happened. Am I being unreasonable in trying to know him better? 

Reply

No, you are not an emotional connection is just as important as a sexual one. I am sure the loss of your boyfriend’s father at such a young age is still affecting him emotionally. Do you think that your boyfriend’s father’s death was hardly talked about so he had to deal with it silently and alone? Sometimes a grieving parent is so traumatised by the loss of their partner, they withdraw into themselves to such an extent that their children have no one to share their grief and isolation with. If so, your boyfriend may have shut down emotionally as a coping mechanism, so as an adult the emotional side of life possibly feels too difficult and painful to deal with. Explain all this to him and tell him how much you love him, but that not having an emotional connection with him is making you really unhappy.

Hi Sis Noe

I love my wife and I give her everything she wants but I just cannot be faithful. In our ten-year marriage I have cheated a lot but she has never caught me although she has suspected me a few times. Is it okay to cheat as long as she does not know or find out?

Reply

How would you feel if you discovered that your wife had been serially unfaithful to you would you mind? I suspect so. From my experience, I know that affairs are frequently discovered. It is so easy to simply forget to delete a text or to be seen out together by someone that either you or your wife knows. Sometimes the person you are having an affair with falls in love with you, pressures you to leave the marriage and threatens to tell your partner if you won’t. Male infidelity is often put down to enjoying sex with a variety of women. Some men take risks and hope they are not caught they do not want to leave the marriage as they claim that they still love their wives. If you are adamant that you cannot be faithful, the chances are that your wife will find out about your affairs and want a divorce. Even if she doesn’t, overcoming the betrayal and rebuilding trust will not be easy. You are being unfair to her, jeopardising your marriage and risk losing your whole family.

Hi Sis Noe

We have been married for 10 years and in those years we have cheated on each other. There is so much mistrust between us that I believe that things will never be the same between us. Should we get a divorce or stay together for the sake of the children? 

Reply

A good marriage can be rebuilt after a single affair, but multiple affairs are quite different. It sounds as if there may not be enough love left between you both. Yes, it is hard for children when parents divorce, but it can be just as bad for them to be caught between unhappy parents in a loveless marriage. You both need counselling to decide what is best for you. But I have a feeling this marriage has run its course.

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