The Sunday News
Hi Sis Noe
IS it possible for a man to be raped? — Curious.
Reply
Yes, men can experience rape. It is possible for people of all sexes to experience and commit unwanted and coerced sexual contact of all types including, but not limited to rape.
In addition, it is possible for women to rape men, and for male perpetrators of rape against men to self-identity as heterosexual and have consensual sexual relationships with women, as rape is about power and control, rather than sexual preferences.
The stigma and shame rape survivors often experience prevent many from coming forward and seeking help. More specifically, due to social stigma and gender stereotypes, rape of men may be underreported and infrequently discussed. Why is it not talked about more?
This may be a difficult, sensitive, and stigmatised topic of discussion, as research suggests that some commonly held beliefs are that men are too big, too strong, or like sex too much to be raped.
Physical appearance or strength does not erase the possibility of rape, and often the physical and psychological trauma of an assault may leave survivors feeling defenseless in the moment and afterwards.
Also, the adverse effects of commonly held gender stereotypes of males contribute to the stigma, shame, and embarrassment a male survivor goes through as they begin to cope with what has happened to them.
Rape affects men in many ways similar to women. Anxiety, anger, sadness, confusion, fear, numbness, self-blame, helplessness, hopelessness, suicidal feelings, and shame are common reactions of survivors of any gender. There is no single, typical, emotional response that a man (or anyone) exhibits after he has been raped.
Hi Sis Noe
My girlfriend wants me to talk dirty to her during sex but I don’t know what to say. Please help. — Worried.
Reply
Everyone has their own interpretation of what “talking dirty” means — one person’s dirty talk could be another person’s clean chatter and vice versa.
What you might find to be “dirty” or even “nasty” could sound “neutral” or “vanilla” to your girlfriend. You may start out by having a conversation with your girlfriend about what she wants to hear and also adjusting the style of your approach. This kind of foreplay can certainly stoke the fires of your sex life, whether in person, over the phone, by text, or over video chat. To find out what rocks your girlfriend’s aural stimulation boat, you may try asking her to take a turn “talking dirty” to you, so you can listen to her say the kinds of things she’s hoping you will say.
If she’s too shy to say these things herself, you could suggest that she write it down, or you might find that you are uncomfortable or shy about saying what she could like to hear, which is okay too.
In either case, it could provide an opportunity for the two of you to talk about establishing basic ground rules on what words are “off limits” or what each of you is willing to say to keep things from getting offensive and ruining the mood.
On the other hand, if you are comfortable with it and it turns her on, then go all out.
Hi Sis Noe
I met this guy and I think he likes me but he rarely calls me even though he always promises. His excuse is that he has a busy schedule, he works, goes to school and runs his own business. Do you think he likes me? — Worried.
Reply
Believe it or not, sometimes how much someone likes you can have nothing to do with whether that prospective partner calls you. So, before you write him off as a lost cause or get downhearted, it is good to keep in mind that there could be a huge number of reasons why he has not called you.
These reasons can range from logistical issues to personal issues to personality traits to relationship dynamics. Until humankind figures out telepathy, trying to figure out why he has not called or whether he likes you for all of you can be a guessing game — unless you take matters into your own hands.
In order to put your wondering mind at ease, you may benefit from being proactive. It can be scary to put yourself out there with someone you like, but consider giving him a ring rather than waiting on him — sometimes you have to take a risk to get the reward. It is not uncommon in relationships to feel like the ball is in the other person’s court, and wait for her or him to make a move.
But, no matter who you are, whether male or female, there are no rules about who is supposed to reach out to whom in romantic interactions. It is that simple — if you like them ask them.
