The Sunday News
Hi Sis Noe
I am scared that my boyfriend is going to dump me because I think I’m boring. I can’t help myself but I keep asking him if he loves me. I feel so insecure. — Worried.
You have got to calm down or you’ll be in danger of turning your fears into self-fulfilling prophecies. If you lack any confidence in yourself, how can you expect your beleaguered partner to respect and understand you? He’s told you that he loves you and isn’t planning to go anywhere so don’t insult him by constantly repeating the question. Challenge yourself this year with a project that will give you a sense of fulfillment but do speak to your GP if you’re struggling to cope.
Hi Sis Noe
I am a healthy woman aged 30 but I have never had an orgasm. What is wrong with me? — Worried.
There are many reasons why many women fail to have an orgasm but I have discovered that in most cases women fail to have an orgasm because they put too much pressure on themselves.
If you are lying there nervous or tired or feeling uncomfortable about how much time has passed with you still not having had an orgasm, you are creating a vicious cycle of no orgasms. The pressure to have an orgasm can result in everyone being stressed out and not climaxing. Not ideal. Try not to think about it and just enjoy the sensations instead. You will come when you least expect it.
It might also be the medication you are using. Medications can diminish sex hormones in the body, and often lead to having crappy orgasms or no orgasms at all. So if the sex is actually good and it’s just not happening for you that could be why.
Talk to your doctor and see if there is another medication with fewer sexual side effects that you could be taking. It might be that your man doesn’t know what he is doing.
Lasting 30 minutes to an hour does not make your man a good lover. For most women, orgasm does not come from penetration alone.
Tell your man to stop his jackhammer method. He should stimulate you. Adequate foreplay leads to an orgasm. The problem could be you. Maybe you have no idea what works for you. You need to figure out what turns you on.
Hi Sis Noe
I am in love with a man who has a girlfriend. He had said he was unhappy and was going to leave her but now he has changed his mind. He said he loves me but he can’t leave her because she works and I don’t. I don’t know what to do. — Confused.
It’s your choice. Just look at the knots you are tying yourself up in trying to work out an acceptable narrative for his unacceptable behaviour.
There are few qualities less attractive in men and this man of yours seems to be imbued with industrial quantities. Surely we can all agree that when you are being overlooked because you are not employed then it’s time to get real.
This is not the stuff of great love stories, but of ill-conceived dalliances, self-deceit and our deep desire to be wanted, often at any cost.
I have no idea if he is genuine but even if he is the trouble is that his behaviour doesn’t make him any less of a bad man. In fact it increases my sense that this is a guy with little moral fibre and no ability to steer his own destiny — two qualities not at all appealing in a prospective partner. I don’t really care why he is still with his girlfriend. Actions speak far louder than words – you are worthless to him. My advice is to tell him you will give him neither space nor time but intend to carry on with your own life, rising above his inability to make choices and setting your sights on someone who knows what they want and is prepared to make the sacrifices.
Hi Sis Noe
Since my wife gave birth having sex has become difficult. Every time I want to make love to her says she is tired, she is not in the mood. What should I do? —Worried
It’s very common for couples to find having a baby seems to spell the end of a passionate sex life, but help is available. Hormonal changes after childbirth may be responsible for short-lived baby blues, and can also play a part in causing longer-lasting depression, very often associated with loss of interest in sex.
Another physical cause for loss of interest in sex can be exhaustion.
Giving birth and looking after a small baby is extremely tiring. It’s very common for mothers to find they don’t sleep more than four hours without interruption for months on end. It can also feel overwhelming.
You need to assist your wife in taking care of the baby and doing house chores. Learn to be understanding and let her heal and trust me, you will soon be enjoying full-blown sex again.
Don’t put pressure on her because that will create a problem. It helps if you both realise that it’s only a short-lived difficulty, because if one or both of you takes it to be a serious lasting problem, that will makes you worry, and the worry in itself will make it a long-term problem. It’s a vicious circle.