The Sunday News
Hi Sis Noe
I AM a 50-year-old woman in a relationship with a man 10 years younger than me. He is sexually inexperienced. He cannot ejaculate during intercourse and I have also tried with my hand and mouth without success. He feels like a failure and has stopped initiating intercourse — he says he fears I will leave him. This relationship is precious to me but he does not want to seek help. He only ejaculates when he masturbates. — Starving.
I suspect he is experiencing retrograde ejaculation (where semen is routed inwards). Some men have difficulty climaxing with a partner, and often that is because they need more intense stimulation to reach orgasm than is normally provided by a mouth, hand or vagina. Such men may have become used to masturbating with something like a rough towel, and have never quite managed to switch to partner-sex. Engage in love-making that does not place an emphasis on orgasm. Instead, make the goal simply to give and get more pleasure. Ask him to show you exactly how he stimulates himself.
Then, while making love, encourage him to help himself to climax. In time, you may be able to place your hand over his to learn and eventually manage it yourself — if it still matters.
Hi Sis Noe
I am a 30-year-old father of one. I am failing to have sex with my wife because she has vestibulitis. Since the birth of our first child last year, her condition has worsened and she has lost all interest in having sex and does not want to be treated. — Worried.
Encourage your wife to persevere in seeking appropriate treatment, so she can enjoy intercourse again, and try to pleasure each other in other ways.
Bear in mind she may also have lowered desire post-partum, which is very common. I am not surprised she is giving up, because sufferers of vestibulitis, or any kind of vulva disease, can experience severe pain during intercourse, spasms, urethral irritation, constipation, incontinence or diarrhoea, and very often the entire pelvic region is affected. Many women suffer from this condition, which requires understanding, a correct diagnosis and satisfactory treatment. Look for a doctor with the expertise and patience your wife needs. Have sex therapy together — you both deserve the right help.
Hi Sis Noe
I am a 30-year-old woman who has always enjoyed a good sex life. However, I have been unable to orgasm during intercourse and experience little sensation when penetrated, although it feels good. I have always been able to reach orgasm when I rub my clitoris when masturbating. Have I damaged myself? — Worried.
There is nothing wrong with you. Although it is highly pleasurable, intercourse alone does not provide sufficient stimulation to bring many women to orgasm. The nerve endings in a woman’s genital region are concentrated on the clitoris, so it makes sense that the centre — as well as the area in the upper wall of the vagina known as the G-spot — triggers orgasm. There has been much misunderstanding about this, and women have been made to feel anxious about what is normal (this is where “faking it” comes in). But that is how women are designed: the clitoris is the only human organ of which the sole function is pleasure. Men who feel inadequate because they are unable to bring their partners to orgasm through intercourse alone should be reminded that they have tongues and fingers. Also, clitoral orgasm extends to the entire genital region. To experience an orgasm during thrusting, ask your partner for additional clitoral stimulation and experiment with different positions to stimulate your G-spot.
Hi Sis Noe
My boyfriend is five years younger than me and he is very much in love with me, but does not seem to understand a woman’s body. He is clumsy and does not know where and what to touch. What can I do to improve this? He is reluctant to talk about the situation — it seems impossible to address it without making him feel he is lacking in some way. Is the age difference the problem? — Worried.
You are both consenting adults I believe, so age is not the issue here and it rarely is. Sex is a learned experience and we all rely on gleaning information from our partners. Every woman is different, so you must subtly try to teach this man how to please you, by showing him what you like, then praising and rewarding him when he gets it right. Avoid criticising him. When a man as sensitive as he is does something you don’t enjoy, you must still let him know — but use encouraging language. You can also achieve greater satisfaction with this man by assuming more responsibility for your own pleasure.
Try taking the initiative during sex. Like most women, you have probably learned to be quite passive in bed, but that is not necessary. Getting on top or being in charge can not only be a great way to ensure your own orgasm, but it can be a massive turn-on for him too.
I am a lady aged 39, looking for a soulmate aged 43-45 who is on ART. I have four kids. The man should be from Bulawayo.
I am a 44-year-old widow with two kids. I am in the civil service, looking for a male friend who must be financially sound aged between 46 and above.
I am a 25-year-old HIV-positive woman based in Harare. I want to date a man of the same status who is also based in Harare or surrounding areas.
I am a single lady aged 40 looking for a single man who is ready for marriage.
I am a man who is aged 45, looking for a lady to love.
I am a 50-year-old woman, I need your help. I want a good man who is steady, serious, aged 49 to 59.
I am a lady aged 32, HIV-negative and with three kids. I am looking for a serious man who is between the ages of 35 to 42 with his own kids too. I want a man who is God-fearing, and who works because I am a civil servant.
I’m looking for a man who stays in Bulawayo, who is working, who wants a serious relationship that will lead to marriage. He should be 30 and above.
I am 28-year-old man in a wheelchair and I need a woman aged 25 to 30 to date.
Ngileminyaka engu-36, ngidinga olothando owesifazana okoBulawayo and surrounding areas. Ngingubaba ohlala yedwa. Singakhuluma ku-app or call ku-number yami.
I am a mother of one, may you please connect me with a mature guy who needs a serious relationship between the ages of 29 to 32. I am 27 and HIV-negative in Bulawayo.
I’m Zenzo aged 34, looking for a soulmate to marry. I don’t care whether HIV positive or not. I am negative.
I am a 27-year-old woman, HIV-negative looking for a man to date. I am from Bulawayo but I work in Gwanda.
I am a 25-year-old man. I need a woman to date aged from 20-23. I am in Bulawayo, please connect me with a serious woman.
I am a guy aged 30 looking for a single lady between 20 and 25. I am from Gweru.
I am a lady aged 30 with one kid. I need to settle down, never been married. I am a Christian hence I need a faithful Christian man who is aged 34- 38.
I am a 43-year-old professional mother of two looking for a single guy from 40 to 50 who wants a committed relationship, must be prepared to go to the New Start.
For the contact details of the above people, send a WhatsApp message to the number 0773111328. SMSes attract a charge in the form of Buddie airtime worth a $1. No calls will be entertained.