The Sunday News
Hi Sis Noe
I AM 19 and he is 23, we have been together for three years now, he now wants us to run away to South Africa. What can I do? — Worried.
This is a situation that requires a lot of thought. Running away is not something to be taken lightly. Although you say you want to be with him and love him you are clearly hesitant about the idea and rightly so. You are both still young and I don’t think you will be able to handle the repercussions that come with that decision.
Why do you want to run away? If you both love each other, why not continue your relationship where you are? Is there something or someone that is preventing you from being together? Running away will upset your family and friends. You will be leaving those who love and care for you.
Also you will be leaving school and disrupting your education. With the both of you on your own how will you support yourselves? What will your lives be like? Where will you eat, sleep, and get money? These are just some of the issues you will have to deal with. If you go and things don’t work out you will have no choice but to return home. On your return I don’t think you will receive a warm homecoming. You will forever be the black sheep of the family. I pray that you sort out your thoughts and stay home.
Hi Sis Noe
I am 25 and only had sex three times, the problem is that I ejaculate way too early to the extent of not doing more than five strokes when I am inside the vagina. After that I lose interest and take long to get an erection. What should I do? — Worried.
Don’t put yourself under pressure. You are new in the game so it’s normal to come early. The secret is to learn to relax. If you have too many things going on in your head and you put too much pressure on yourself you will be even more embarrassed when you can’t get it up. Sex is like anything else, the more you practice the better you will get (and the longer you will last too).
When you get some experience under your belt you will learn how to control your ejaculation, so don’t worry about it. If she really cares about you she will understand and she won’t make you feel bad no matter what happens. And it would be nice if you cared about her too. It’s not good to be running around having sex with any and every one. And please, USE A CONDOM.
Hi Sis Noe
I want to marry my girlfriend. The problem is that when we have sex I always smell a nasty smell from her vagina and it puts me off. What could it be? — Sad.
A healthy vagina should not have a smell that you cannot not stand. Often times such a smell, especially if it is “nasty”, indicates some sort of infection. It’s hard for a woman to smell her own vagina, unless if it smells very bad.
As her partner, you get a lot closer to it than she does, so it’s natural that you would notice this whiff. Don’t comment about it. Don’t say it’s disgusting or anything. Just say that you have noticed it and urge her to see a doctor immediately.
Hi Sis Noe
I am a married woman and my husband is cheating on me and he can even call his girlfriend in my presence. How do I deal with such a situation? — Stressed.
Your husband is emotionally terrorising you, and he has the power to reduce you to a quivering mass of uncertainty because you have handed over all the power in the relationship to him. Not everybody abuses power, though it does provide temptations, but your husband certainly seems to enjoy doing that.
If you don’t want a divorce (and even if you do), then you have to get some power back and I can assure you that will definitely increase his respect for you, which may just bring him into line. Not only would it be a necessary step to saving the relationship, it will be essential for resurrecting your sense of self — something you need in any relationship. But first things first — get the number of his girlfriend.
Then pay a visit to a lawyer. If you cannot afford a lawyer go to the courts, they will help you get in touch with the Association of Women’s Lawyers. His number and his girlfriend’s number gives you evidence of his cheating. Your lawyer will tell him that if he continues to cheat you will sue him and his girlfriend.
A husband who learns about the seriousness of such evidence from a lawyer just may be jolted into something resembling reality. He may realise that you mean business. He just might be forced to grow up and remember he is married.
You would then be in a good position to suggest that you both visit a marriage counsellor and work on building a relationship that satisfies both your needs without sacrificing anyone’s sense of self.
Hi Sis Noe
I am 26 and going out with a guy who is 29. We love each other but the problem is that his mother calls me and tells me to leave her son alone because she has found a girlfriend for him. What should I do, I am frustrated. — Hurt.
There is very little you can do if she has made up her mind to take against you like this. Have you talked the situation over with your boyfriend? Is there any influence he might be able to bring to bear? All you can do is either continue to be polite and reasonable in the face of her abuse or else have nothing at all to do with her.
The most tempting thing to do is to confront her and point out that her behaviour is entirely unreasonable. If you do that though, the end result is that she will hate you more.
Ask your boyfriend where you stand with him and if he loves you he should make it crystal clear that he loves you and you alone. If he does not sound convincing start treading carefully from then on because you might get hurt.