The Sunday News
Hi Sis Noe
MY boyfriend of one month dumped me because I refused to sleep with him. He said since I am a single mother I should not be so strict when it comes to sex.
Reply
What did he mean exactly by saying you should not be strict when it comes to sex? It sounds as though he expects you to open your legs for him like a chicken on a barbeque because you have a baby and was angry or disappointed that you didn’t make it easy for him. I could go on about double standards and how unfair this is, but ultimately, what matters here is that he is no gentleman. Forget him. In future, don’t have sex simply because you feel a man expects it or that you need to please him. Relationships started slowly tend to be the ones that last.
Hi Sis Noe
Last year when I was struggling financially I discovered that my wife had an affair. She says they did not have sex but I saw nude pictures of the man on her phone and people have told me they once saw them at a hotel.
Reply
The discovery of an affair is such a betrayal and the thought of the woman you love making love to someone else is devastating. It is particularly hard that it was at a time when you needed her the most, though sadly it sometimes happens that people have affairs when their partner is very stressed or preoccupied with something else because they have little time for them — but that is very selfish. An angry response when questioned is usually because someone feels guilty and is afraid of repercussions if they admit to the truth. Explain to her that if you are ever to understand or forgive her, it is important that you talk about it together. If he meant so little to her, why did she put your marriage at risk by having an affair? Are there areas in your relationship that need some attention? For example, did you no longer feel close to each other, were there lots of arguments or a mismatch of sexual desire? Or did this other man make himself very available and she was tempted by the idea of sex with someone new? Whatever the reason she needs to be honest with you, show you how sorry she is and how much she wants to be with you.
Hi Sis Noe
Ever since my wife gave birth her sex drive has gone down. We rarely have sex because she has to look after the baby. She has also gone back to work and that has made things much worse.
Reply
You need to talk to your wife and try to understand why she is avoiding sexual intimacy. She may be simply exhausted trying to juggle a young child and a career. For most women to feel sexually close to their partners, they need to feel emotionally connected, and I wonder if she feels neglected or resentful because she now has so much on her hands. Such things happen. Or have you somehow both stopped really talking to each other about how you think and feel, your hopes, fears, needs and dreams?
Hi Sis Noe
I am in love with a woman who lost her husband two years ago. But it seems she has not forgotten him because at times she feels guilty for being with me a year after he died. At times she asks for time alone and thinks about breaking things up.
Reply
She met you only a year after her husband died; it sounds as though her grief was still raw and she feels guilty for finding happiness again. However, I am sure her husband would not have wanted her to be lonely or miserable. Most people would want their partner to find someone else if they died — it doesn’t take away the love they had for them. Explain this to her. Say you understand how she feels and that you want to help her with her grief as you would be devastated if you split up. Explain you never fully get over the loss of someone you have loved but, over time, you learn to live with it and it gets easier.
Hi Sis Noe
I have been married for a year but I am still not pregnant. What is wrong with me? Help please, I am worried. — Worried.
Reply
Don’t you think it’s too soon to be anxious? I mean it’s only 12 months to be desperate. Pregnancy is a matter of chance. Conception does not always happen even if the egg and sperm are in the right place at the right time. The length of time it takes couples to conceive varies considerably. Failing to conceive even after a year does not necessarily mean that something is wrong.
The chance of getting pregnant during a woman’s cycle varies due to a wide range of factors: For a woman aged 20 to 25, the chances of conceiving are around 25 percent for each cycle. Statistics prove that one in 10 couples will take more than a year to conceive. One of the secret tips on getting pregnant really involves the woman’s monthly cycle . . . this should really not come as a surprise, but lots of women have probably forgotten lots of their basic biology. A woman ovulates once a month, and the ovum or egg lasts for approximately 12 hours.
During this 12-hour period, the egg has to be fertilised or it dries up and is no longer viable. Obviously, then, having unprotected sex any other time of the month could not possibly result in conception. It is only when you have sex during the 12-hour window that a couple can conceive — it’s really quite miraculous that a woman can even get pregnant at all!
When a couple is trying to conceive, the trick is to catch the egg around day 14 of the woman’s monthly cycle. To add to the difficulty, every woman’s cycle is different. The 28-day cycle is the average, but normal cycles can vary from 23 days to 35 days. So please stop worrying, keep going at it like rabbits. Hopefully, before long there will be a bun in the oven.
