The Sunday News
Hi Sis Noe
My wife does not show me love. She never kisses me, hugs or puts her arms around me. I feel worthless, unloved and not attractive. I know she had a loveless childhood and I think it is the cause of her coldness.
Reply
This must be sad for you. However, it is important to try to overcome the dysfunctional behaviour that we experienced in our childhood so that we don’t perpetuate things by being cold and critical to our loved ones. Because of your loving upbringing, you notice even more how closed down your wife is in showing affection. Sadly, it also sounds as though you no longer make love, which is one of the most important parts of a relationship. Sometimes women who have lost interest in sex or don’t want it as often as their husband avoids kissing and cuddling because they think that it will lead to sex. You need to take her for counselling so she gets professional help. She can overcome this but she has to first admit she has a problem and be willing to solve it.
Hi Sis Noe
My husband and I have a good marriage except in one respect. He says that he can’t stand my mother and won’t have anything to do with her. When my parents come over, he goes out and when I go to visit my parents, who live nearby, he refuses to come. I know that my mother is not easy; she is outspoken and opinionated and I find her difficult, too. She keeps asking why they hardly ever see my husband and I am running out of excuses.
Reply
She may not be the easiest of mothers-in-law, but out of love and respect for you, your husband should make an effort to put up with her occasionally. Marriage is meant to be about being together for the good and the bad times, after all. Acknowledge that you also find her difficult, but explain that it makes it increasingly hard for you if he runs for the hills every time a visit is planned. He does not have to be there every time, but just enough to be polite. Explain that you don’t always like your mother’s views either, but that it would mean so much to you if he could learn to tolerate her. You can both moan about her to each other afterwards. Problems with in-laws often contribute to couples falling out so tell him how much you love him and that the last thing you want is for that to happen to you.
Hi Sis Noe
I am divorced and have been good friends with a couple for two years. We went out a lot and had a good time together. The husband recently died and I have been spending time with his wife. Now I have feelings for her, but I know that I must take my time and wait for at least six months. When do friends become lovers?
Reply
Her husband has only just died so you need to tread carefully. For the moment, you should be a good friend. It sounds as though he was a nice man so she will probably be very sad. Listen to her, let her talk about him and ask her about the times that they had together. You could also help her with practical stuff that she might need. If someone has lost a loved one, it is usually better if a year or so passes before they embark on a new relationship — especially if she has children, even adult ones, as they can resent a new relationship. Give her time to grieve, a minimum of six months. If it’s obvious that she enjoys being with you, then you can talk about starting a relationship. The best thing to do is to tell her that you like her and ask her what she thinks about being a couple. I hope that, in time, she returns your feelings as it would be lovely for both of you.
Hi Sis Noe
Is it true that you can get pregnant while on the pill and what are the chances of that happening?
Reply
Yes, you can get pregnant while on the pill. There are a number of reasons why a woman on birth control pills could become pregnant. The most common is that she neglects to take the pill on one or more days. Depending on how busy your lifestyle is or how frequently you renew your birth control pill prescription, it can be easy to forget to go to the drug store and then delay starting a new packet — while still being sexually active. Another mistake that women sometimes make is taking the pill at different times on different days. Birth control pills should be taken at the same time every day. It is admittedly inconvenient to have to take a pill every single day, always at about the same time — but this is essential to ensure that birth control pills work successfully to prevent pregnancy. Also, birth control pills are sometimes affected by other medications. Certain antibiotics, anti-seizure and anti-fungal medications have been linked to reduced effectiveness in birth control pills, along with some herbs and vitamins. Before your physician prescribes any new medication, make sure to let her or him know that you are on the pill, to avoid any potential problems.
