The Sunday News
Nhlalwenhle Ncube
DO not play with someone’s heart if you have no intentions of a serious relationship!
There are many things to play with in life, but a person’s feelings is not one of them. It is sad that there are some people who include dating in their hobby list. This is witchcraft because you will be in the business of breaking people’s hearts.
It is so frustrating and painful to be misled especially when it comes to the matters of the heart. Of course most people do not like love, they like flattery and flirty feeling. This is misleading and is the reason for heartbreaks, though later justified by the saying ‘‘Love is blind’’.
The truth is that real love is not about you, not about your happiness, pleasure and self-gratification. That is not love. Love is not about having someone there to make you feel good and make you happy. That is enjoyment, that is affection. That is you loving yourself, loving what someone does for you, but that is not you loving someone else. That is not the purpose of love.
No, the purpose of love is itself: the act of loving, the art of loving, to learn to love more. To love better. To fail and try again, over and over, because that is the whole damn point. Because what else is there in life but love? Love is choosing somebody, choosing something and choosing them over everything else, over your ego, over yourself, unfailingly, every day.
After mentioning all this, you still find some people choosing dating as a hobby. One should know his or her true purpose in dating. Are you in it for fun or you really want to find a long term relationship? Or do you just like the fun and excitement of dating? Is dating your hobby?
If you think dating as a hobby is fun, you are lost and it will never be. The bad thing is that it is an addictive drug, if you start the game it becomes difficult to stop it.
When you get into a relationship with someone, you will always find reasons to dump them and being in and out of love becomes your hobby. So your unconscious will never let you find someone you like! There will always be a reason this person isn’t the “one”. Or you’ll intentionally sabotage any budding relationship so you can get back to your favourite pasttime: dating! You will not be able to settle for one person.
Another purpose for dating that really isn’t about finding a partner is about winning approval and getting validation that you are good enough (attractive enough, lovable enough, interesting enough).
Think about this: when you go on a first date, are you paying more attention to whether or not the other person likes you or paying attention to how you feel about him/ her? If the purpose of dating is for you to “win” people over and gain approval, it’s not likely to lead to a real relationship.
So even if you do find out this person likes you and wants to see you again, at some point, you are going to need them or someone else to keep filling this void, proving your worth, and this will certainly get in the way of developing a close relationship. Going on a date to win approval is all ego. And the ego gets in the way of everything good!
Imagine that someone in this world loves you more than any song and phrase can express. You are the first thing on his mind every morning and the last thing on his mind every night. He worships you.
You are literally his drug. And he tells you all the time, “I love you so much.” And you can feel it in his presence. You can see it in the way he looks at you and the way he bares his soul.
In the way that he has made himself a better person, for you. The only problem is you don’t love him back. Maybe you did at one time and have fallen out of love. Maybe you never loved him at all. Maybe you do love him, but just because it is one of your hobbies you will not want to be with him longer. All you have to do is break his heart and leave him nursing wounds.
Really, how do you live with yourself, knowing that you have literally crushed the soul of another? How do you sleep knowing that you may have scarred someone for life and may never be able to love someone else, because of you? The dating hobby is not fun, play with other things not hearts!
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