The Sunday News
Nhlalwenhle Ncube
IT hurts to let go, but sometimes it hurts more to hold on!
So many times people have heard the advice of letting go when someone decides to quit. It is said that let the bird fly, if it’s really yours it will come back. Unfortunately many are failing to put this to test, but all they do is force things out, force someone to stay, force love, force to be loved, force sex and force pictures.
For some days it will seem to be working, but in actual fact it’s not as it is taking away your happiness and draining out all your energy. Forcing things out with someone who has made it obvious or even told you that he wants out of the relationship will leave you disappointed and heartbroken.
At times the things people do out of love never make sense at all. They allow the so-called love to blind them. There is a woman who left me wordless. The man has made it clear that he is no longer interested in her. It’s now two years with the man repeating the same sentiments.
He has never woken up having changed his mind, but he keeps saying same thing. Because the woman thinks the man is losing his mind, she visits him at his place and man being man, he never refuses to be intimate with her. But the first thing in the morning, he tells her to leave because he no longer loves her and will never do. My poor sister has been forcing the man to be intimate with her for years and recently she forcibly moved to the man’s apartment.
She is forcing out everything and I know she is not the only one in such a scenario. When you force things out you are putting yourself in trouble. You will always be hurting and in pain. Do not even blame someone else for what you are going through, but yourself who is forcing out love. Love is something else, it is not always coming when and where you want it to. And the truth is that love is not always explainable.
You need to remember that love is not when you have to force him to stay with you. Love is when leaving is not even one of the options, through good and bad.
It is everyone’s dream to have a healthy and stable relationship. But sometimes you are just not lucky. Even those who want perfection end up disappointed. This includes even those who believe that their partners are perfect and would never break their hearts. But unfortunately, sometimes that person is not even close to perfection and they end up heartbroken.
Men and women are different. Women have their interests and men have different interests as compared to women. Sometimes they need their own time, their break from everything and they just want to be alone. It is hard to understand, but sometimes this happens to men.
Truth is that women are more emotional than men. There are some women who even love drama, there is so much emotional drama, and men don’t like it. Sometimes they just want to escape from all that drama. When a man wants a break in the relationship, it is probably better to let your man be.
Because if you want to force him to stay, is there even word about love? Women may think that they are just tired of them and everything, that they actually got sick of her, sometimes it is true, and sometimes it is not true. If he wants to leave, maybe he is not just the right one.
Throughout the relationship you may think that you are meant to be together, you both are compatible, but that compatibility with time has gone. Don’t force him to stay if he doesn’t want to be with you.
Why force him to stay, if he doesn’t want to be with you? If your man asks you for a break, maybe he needs it and maybe you should give it to him.
Once when he leaves, you will realise that needed to happen and that you are not meant to be together. If it happens, you should worry about yourself and be there for yourself, because you are the most important person. Not him, not anyone else, but you. There is no need to lock yourself in a room, get depressed, cry a river. Life hasn’t ended, there is life after him too. Just give yourself a chance. You have to be realistic and start living your life in the best way you know.
Forcing things out is draining, humiliating and hurtful. When someone wants to commit, he will commit. There is no need for you to beg and chase him. If he is not committing to you, or your child, he just doesn’t love you. It might sound harsh, but that’s just the way life is. Loving someone who doesn’t love you back or even worse, someone who loves someone else, is the most painful thing in the world. But the most important thing you can do for yourself is to accept that certain things are beyond your control and take responsibility for the things that are.
You need to listen to that inner voice that says you deserve to be loved. Also accept life’s fate if someone you wish to be all yours will never love and commit to you, no matter what you do.
For you to be able to move on, first give up hope. It will never be the way you want it to be. That person you are waiting on won’t wake up one day and realise they loved you all along.Giving up hope is the hardest part of moving on, but it’s the most important. You can’t complain about someone hurting your feelings if you keep letting them. You can’t complain about someone mistreating you if you keep forcing him to stay. And you can’t complain about wasted time if you keep walking in circles.
Wasted time is a wasted life. One of the worst mistakes a person can make is to hold on to a relationship in which the other person just refuses to be present. We have to be willing to let go of a relationship that doesn’t make sense. Never force someone to stay in a spot that they no longer desire to be in.
