The Sunday News
Andile Tshuma
ONE of the most traumatic experiences in life can be encountered at the hands of loved ones and many people are unfortunate to have to endure insults, beatings or even rape from the people they love. Due to power relations in relationships, some people cannot even negotiate for safe sex in relationships, which is worrying considering the efforts being made to achieve the 90. 90. 90 goal by 2030.
As the world marks 16 days of activism against Gender-based Violence (GBV), a major constituency in key populations is often left out as most focus is on heterosexual couples.
Intimate partner violence continues to plague society although numerous efforts have been made to rid society of the vice. While a lot of resources and platforms are available for heterosexual couples to seek help when they encounter Gender-Based Violence, very few places in Zimbabwe are Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Transgender, Intersex, Queer (LGBTIQ)-friendly considering homosexuality is generally frowned upon in various sectors of society.
The recent landmark ruling by Justice Francis Bere on the rights of transgender people in the country has raised hope of a possible dialogue on minority rights in the country, however, access to places of safety and counselling remain limited for some victims of violence, due to issues including orientation.
It therefore becomes a challenge for the LGBTIQ community to get help when they need it. Domestic violence is not limited to heterosexual relationships and can affect individuals of all sexual orientations and genders. Within the LGBTIQ community, intimate partner violence occurs at a rate equal to or even higher than that of the heterosexual community.
LGBTIQ individuals may experience unique forms of intimate partner violence as well as distinctive barriers to seeking help due to fear of discrimination or bias.
Dealing with intimate partner violence is particularly difficult for gay men. Before even arriving at the fact that they are gay and social outcasts in many of Zimbabwe’s unaccommodating communities, they are men, and men are “never supposed to be victims”.
A gay victim of intimate partner violence therefore becomes a subject almost only existing in the mind.
However, they are there, they are many, but most suffer in silence because society is not forgiving. Recent studies have shed insight on just how pervasive intimate partner violence is among gay men, although media and society representations have often framed same sex relationships to be all fun and games, rosy and peaceful around the clock.
Gays and Lesbians Association of Zimbabwe (GALZ) regional co-ordinator Mr Teddy Munyimani said LGBTIQ people, whom GALZ serves, have reported different forms of violence including verbal, sexual, physical and emotional.
“Our statistics for the first half of the year show that we have documented 30 cases of intimate partner violence. It is difficult for same sex partners to seek redress of the violence from family and friends as well as police because most of the relationships are in secret and are not supported by family, friends, churches and police as is the case with heterosexual relationships,” said Mr Munyimani.
The number is significantly high considering the fact that the community is pretty introverted and conservative in Zimbabwe and that fewer people are coming out in the open about their orientation as a result of the country’s laws on homosexuality. Issues of power, failure to agree on who is dominant or submissive or whether both parties are equals in a relationship also brews fights over control in same sex households.
“Violence in same sex relationships is caused by the same factors as those in heterosexual relationships. Power, patriarchy, substance abuse, a nature of violence, finances, insecurity and other issues are causes of violence and conflict in same sex relationships just like they are present in heterosexual relationships,” he said.
Mr Munyimani said stigma and blackmail continued to plague same sex relationships.
“Some people have been chased out of their rented homes after property owners discovered that they were same sex couples. So the stigma is a factor that really can cause a rift in couples, especially when one wants to keep the relationship a secret while the other wants to be open about it. We have hotlines and counselling services which our members can and are making use of.”
Some same sex couples said they had experienced severe trauma at the hands of their partners to the point of attempting suicide multiple times. There are several aspects of intimate partner violence which can be unique to the LGBTIQ community. Outing, which is threatening to reveal one partner’s sexual orientation or gender identity can be used as a tool of abuse in violent relationships and may also be a barrier which reduces the likelihood of help-seeking for the abuse.
Who pays the bills becomes another factor that can brew conflict in a gay household, which can lead to intimate partner violence.
“My partner lost his job and he is the dominant person in our relationship. We rent a flat in town together so right now I’m the only one working and paying bills.
He seems to be having a problem adjusting to the new situation and he will not adjust his lifestyle. When I try talking to him about it he gets very angry and either assaults me or sexually violates me. It is hard to talk about it because people know us to be friends sharing a flat. A very small community of close friends knows about our relationship and he has threatened twice to share our intimate pictures with my family if I continue pestering,” said *Mr Denzel Moyo from Kumalo suburb.
Insecurity proved to be another major contributory factor to intimate partner violence.
“My partner likes to spend time with other men and I try to tell him that I am not comfortable with it and he accuses me of being insecure. He however, questions every contact of every man that he thinks is gay in my phone and always keeps a tab of my whereabouts. When I tell him that he is nagging and I go out with my gay friends, every time I go home after a night out, we fight. He is more masculine, so he overpowers me and he seems to enjoy it but we have been counselled twice at GALZ and he gets better for a while, only to do it again,” said *Lance from Ilanda.
Some victims of violence said they have sought help from the Sexual Rights Centre which also provides counselling services to LGBTIQ people.
“I am not comfortable going to GALZ because my partner has a lot of friends there, so I always approach Sexual Rights Centre when I need help. My partner is bisexual and his family knows about it and he has introduced me to them. I am gay but I am not yet ready to share my sexuality with my family but he is always putting me under pressure to do it. He has never laid a hand on me but the words that he says to me hurt, he accuses me of being ashamed of my identity but does not understand where I come from and what my family means to me. It is a huge sacrifice that I am making yet he is not supportive. I have contemplated suicide a few times because of the issue,” said *Terry from Nketa 6.
Most people in the same sex relationships who are experiencing problems said they had tolerated some suicidal thoughts during their traumatic moments.
“I have been depressed for a while and I was on antidepressants for months. I have tried three times to take my life but I have since joined a support group at Sexual Rights Centre and I managed to break ties with my former boyfriend who was abusive. I have met someone who treats me as an equal and loves me for who I am,” said *Tafara Chitumba from Mahatshula North suburb.
Many men are not admitting to be in a violent relationship but deny that it is abuse because they synonymise abusive relationships with victimhood and womanhood
A recent study published in the July issue of The American Journal of Men’s Health, indicates that gay male couples experience domestic violence at rates comparable to heterosexuals.
*Not their real names
