HEART BREAKS: Forced to give up love for religion?

27 Jan, 2019 - 00:01 0 Views
HEART BREAKS: Forced to give up love for religion?

The Sunday News

Nhlalwenhle Ncube

THERE are some people who have been misled by the old romantic adage that ‘love conquers all’ and ignored the issue of differences in religious belief with their partners only to get to the real world a few years later when they are made to choose between love and religion.

Of course, falling in love is one of the most beautiful things to experience and it often makes you feel as if nothing will ever go wrong.

During that time when you are head over heels, you take some issues lightly hoping that nothing beats love no matter what the circumstances.

It is so sad that after giving up on most things just to be with the love of your life, he wakes up one day a changed man reading a riot act and giving you an ultimatum to either dump your religious beliefs and join his church or to part ways with him.

It is heartbreaking because it is one thing you will not have seen coming as during your dating days till marriage, he had seemed not to care about the issue.

Now you ask yourself what has got into him and is it about religious differences or he is just using that as an excuse to get rid of you. Of course, it won’t make sense at all because survival of relationships does not depend on religious beliefs.

We have seen even those who come from backgrounds with shared values divorcing, so does it really make any difference?

Truth be told, the decision to marry or not when there are very great differences in religion should not be made easily or taken lightly.

The consequences for yourself and your partner can have reverberations that can impact the happiness of each of you.

Parties should just be clear to each other about what will happen when they are staying together. The issue of surprises is heartbreaking.

Now we live in the 21st Century so we cannot really say it’s an obvious case where the woman is forced to join her husband’s church. All that counts is each other’s happiness.

In fact people with different faith backgrounds can have successful marriages if they completely explore the important issues before they make the final decision to wed.

The process of exploring these important issues has to do with what each considers to be of such great importance that they cannot compromise. You will find that for some women they can compromise everything except religion and in such scenarios, that is when you work out the way forward.

They have to agree on something!

If it happens that both of you cannot compromise on religion, better part ways before it’s too late. If you decide to ignore the issue and go ahead, shame on the couple because their happiness and marriage will be short-lived.

However, if two people feel strongly committed to and identified with their religion of origin there is a good chance that there will be nothing but grief between them in the future if they attempt to ignore their differences.

Strong commitment on the part of each complicates the questions of how to raise the children, what to do on important holy days, who will go to services and how often etc.

This type of gap in thinking and believing complicates relationships with extended family members such as in laws, grand parents and parents. There are tragic cases in which deeply religious families refuse to accept a new member from a different faith.

There are those situations in which each person decides to keep their religion of origin but raise the children in both faiths.

In these situations, children and family celebrate all the holy days, learn about each faith and attend all the services. The idea behind this solution is that partners will respect one another’s convictions and allow the children to make their choices upon reaching adulthood.

On a fair ground, no one must be coerced into changing his or her religious affiliation and practice. It’s painful and traumatising.

Balancing two different religious views under one roof can seem difficult, but as long as the two of you note your boundaries from the beginning and respect them, things can work out..It does not have to be a ghost haunting anyone in the relationship.

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