The Sunday News
Nhlalwenhle Ncube
MOST times when we talk of heartbreaks, people usually run to conclude that it is always about lovers.
But there are these God-given partners who are our children and their betrayal leaves a lot of parents hurt and heartbroken.
In a normal situation, everyone wishes her child the best and wants to see them being the smartest children excelling in life.
However, as life events will have it, things do not always go the way one wants. Some parents are stressed just because their children are not excelling at school, while for others it’s because of certain behaviour which they do not even understand.
Of course with the problem of having a child who is underperforming at school, one should not stress much, but just help him/ her to improve understanding that people have different gifts. The real problems are those children with attitude, very stubborn and always a step ahead with mischief.
Occasionally, parents look at their own parenting and compare it with the ones whom their children seem to be on track. The more they try hard the more they get frustrated and stressed when they fail to get the desired results.
Watching successful parents over the years — with success defined by how their children have turned out and the quality of their relationships with them, there are some common practices underneath.
Successful parents communicate regularly and effectively with their children. It is crucial to spend some time talking with the children and get to understand their lives in general. It’s always easy to know and understand someone through conversations. Creating a tradition of communication opens the door to critical and sensitive conversations as the children grow. But that sort of relationship begins first and foremost with communication.
Many families have lots of family activities and time together. But successful parents commit time and energy to being with their children one-on-one. Do not leave your child to get life lessons from social media because they can easily think that the bad is good, getting lost in the process. It is always ideal to create time when you let your child talk about their lives, their fears, their successes, their needs and their goals. Others like to have one-on-one dates with their children. But it is clear that quality time individually with the children is a significant builder of relationships and predictor of success.
Raising successful children is not just about having fun and building relationships. It is also about instilling values and building responsible adults. Setting family rules and living by them is a way to teach consistency and responsibility.
Giving a child everything she wants when she wants it teaches her to have unrealistic expectations in life.
Learning the importance of delayed gratification is important to becoming a responsible adult. Likewise, helping children learn the value of saving for a desired item and waiting for it teaches them a life skill that will serve them always.
Children experience love in very different ways. Tailoring your loving expressions to your child’s love language will help them feel your love in a more focused way.
While not all children live with both parents, it is crucial not to speak ill of the other parent, particularly after a divorce. Children will always love both their parents despite their weaknesses. Of course there is a huge temptation for one parent to be critical of the other at this stage, but responsible ones should resist that temptation. In the long run, your children will love and respect you for doing that. Some children have lost respect for their parents because of the way they treat their mothers or fathers!
You should know your children’s friends. Successful parents make sure they know the children their children hang out with. While not hovering, make sure you know these friends and their parents as well.
Know the influence these friends have on your children and help steer your children to the best of them.
Parents need to be aware of the dangers lurking in the modern world and help their children avoid them.
Sexual abuse, drug abuse, gangs, bullying, pornography and other risks seem to be ever present.
Teach your children values and the power of saying no to those who would put their lives and their well-being at risk. Successful parents prepare their children and protect them.
Creating friendship with your children will also help in making them not to want to see you sad because of their behaviour. They will always do their best to put a smile on your face!
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