The Sunday News
Selusweyinkosi Mhlanga
Life presents us with a variety of circumstances, some pleasant and some not exactly what we would choose for ourselves but we experience that variety and at times we are left scarred from such circumstances.
Do you think life was meant to be lived with dark memories of the past, with pain that we felt in the past and continue to drag to the future? I think not. While we all experience the “hardships” of life, it hits differently for every individual and that is felt through emotions and reactions.
We have all healed, are healing or are trying to heal from different things. It could be from tragedies that befell you or your family, loss of loved ones and loved possessions or rejection from people that meant the world to you. For others it goes beyond that and it is how they were brought up, or how they were “not brought up” but were made to stumble their way in life. However you got hurt, the way to healing is the same.
Let go of the past
Right, the past . . . Are you asking me to forget a part of my life that’s actually contributed to who and what I am today? That part that actually caused so much pain that even now when I think about it tears well up in my eyes and I get taken back to that place? . . . You ask.
That is exactly what you should do, otherwise how are you going to heal when you have those hurtful memories stored away and ready to be retrieved whenever you feel like it? Is it fun to nurse that emotional pain each time you revisit the past and pull yourself back into that place? Aren’t you glad you got out of that place? Why then would you want to walk down that path again?
You obviously will not erase the past, you cannot ignore that it happened either but you can accept that it is in the past and decide that you will not continue to be tormented by your past. Let go of memories that are not pleasant to you and rebuild memories that will give you more hope in life.
Create distance between you and your past.
While at times it may not be possible to heal in the same environment that hurt you, your mind is the biggest tool you can use to create space between your painful past and your bright future. Stop dwelling on the past by talking about it, thinking about it, recalling people who contributed to your pain and being angry at why it happened.
Forgive.
The issue of forgiving is one that has been preached now and again and for a good reason. Whether the person responsible for causing you the pain has apologised or not, forgiving them is a step to healing yourself and has nothing to do with them. They may not be sorry or even realise that they did something wrong or will be plain rude and give you that “take that” attitude but you, being the one who is left to handle the emotions have to forgive them for your own sake and progress.
Remember we all see things from our different perspectives so it may not be obvious to all that a person has stepped on your toes. Let that person be and find a way to forgive them so that your life can continue and you stop feeling the emotions that may hold you back from living your life to the fullest. You may think that wouldn’t be fair but the only person you want to be fair with is you and you deserve that peace.
You also have to forgive yourself for allowing that experience to torture you this far and for not being wiser back then. It’s important to make peace with yourself and stop blaming and regretting. These actions have never aided one to heal in anyway.
Choose yourself
Focusing on how you would like your life to turn out can be a good substitute to wallowing in self-pity. Yes, the past happened but how do you want your future to be like? How about you start now investing in that future and creating a happy environment for yourself? You will find yourself forgetting that which used to hurt you and moving on to new things and a more satisfying life.
You were actually meant to live your life redefining yourself, discovering your strengths and building your life around those, not focusing on your weaknesses and aiding your downfall. Invest your time and energy wisely, towards your future, not your past. Let’s keep moving forward, towards all things good and leave the unpleasant thoughts and memories behind. That would be a wise investment, don’t you think?
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